I found this written by my wife of 20 years she does not know i have found it
I have been married a long time and met my husband when I was quite young. He was ‘my first’ (if you know what I mean) and also ‘the only’ and whilst we have had our ups and downs over the years, we have always muddled along together. As far as I know he has been faithful to me and I have always been to him. He is not a born romantic but he treats me . We have 1 child .
The fact that he has been my only sexual partner has never been an issue, until quite recently that is….
A while ago I met up with an old friend (male) with whom I was very close but we had lost touch over the years. We were only ever mates, although I did have quite ‘a thing’ for him, and we shared so much of our youth together. We talked so easily and I so enjoyed his company again, he is a very sensitive and romantic kind of guy, and we promised to keep in touch. He has contacted me the odd time and I have contacted him a few times, sometimes he has replied and sometimes not, although I have not tried to contact him for some months now even though I would like to! I think he knows I have feelings for him and I know he had feelings for me once, but it never came to anything.
Anyway, since then I have become a bit obsessed with seeing him again, I imagine that he has feelings for me and that’s why he tracked me down (I have no evidence to think this). I’ve started fantasising about ‘being’ with him and I think about him all the time. I am so curious about what sex would be like with someone else (him).
I am not, and never have been, very attractive and am not very comfortable with my appearance but I have started ‘taking more care’ of my appearance, trying to make ‘the best of a bad job’ in case he wants to meet up again, although I know it’s unlikely. Consequently I have become more confident, a bit flirty and a lot more adventurous in the bedroom. My husband is delighted, if not a little taken aback and curious as to what has prompted this change.
I love my husband very much but lately I feel I have missed out on something and want to feel special, made to feel attractive. I want to be romanced, seduced even!
I feel guilty because my change in behaviour is directly linked to the way I feel about this other man. I imagine I’m with him when I’m making love to my husband and am really turned on by the thought of us together. I feel I am already being unfaithful and I am also worried that I cannot be trusted, should this other man ever show me the attention I crave.
The trouble is I don’t really want this attention from my husband, it’s only a turn on if I pretend I’m with this guy and I think I have fallen for him.
It is quite obvious that this man does not feel the same way about me, but I’m not sure how much longer I can keep up the pretence with my hubby.
I have been in turmoil trying to deal with this revalation i do not know what the future will hold for us
My wife has now asked that when we have sex it is in the dark.. And would like to call me by another man,s name while we have sex . ( the old friend she has feelings for) How normal is this and should i do it? What does it say about me if i agree ?.
in time i I decided to go through with it for her
during her sex fantasy in the dark she said she loved me. she has not said that during sex or any other time in years.(part of her fantasy the other guy maybe?) i have mentioned this fact to her in the distant past . my wifes reply was "do we need to say that to each other after 23 odd years "
during the fantasy sex, she was so much more into it than normal..she had dressed up in her sexy gear full make up stockings ect . I could not enjoy it as i kept thinking this is not for me it is for him .. I could not finish the sex in our normal way.. but she seemed satisfied.. later she said she wanted to call you by this other guys name during sex but didn,t incase it put me off. ?
any virws would be most welcome
Matt Black
Honey I dont have a lot to say, just that hold strong. I think you should talk to her about this if you dont want to tell her that you found this than tell her that she has changed and why. Maybe she will open up? If not then do what feels right for you, but dont be played the fool.
Stay strong.
__________________
I am one of a kind, to know me is to LOVE me.
thank you for your reply
I had found other things she has written as we share the same e-mail account (deleted e mails). We did have words about it, We then decided to get counselling and everything came out in the open.. she realised how I felt and said it was a mid life thing and promised me these thought,s/word,s would stop.. This and a love poem to him where sent after we had 7 sessions with a relate councillor. I have as yet not told my wife i have found these letters. I am to broken hearted I have to face up to the fact she is more interested in this other guy and has been prepared to lie. I also feel that if these feeling she has for this guy stop, she will find somebody else to transfer them to, I have suspicions she is interested in a work colleague. This show. s up with limp excuses about working late and wearing provocative clothes to work, something she has never done up till now..( she refuses point blank to discuss my fears passing it of as paranoia)
I have no real idea how to solve this problem. I am still haunted by what happened when we went to the counselling session. we were asked what we liked most about each other. I manage to reel of many things she struggled for quite a while and said "he keeps a tidy house".. You can imagine how crushed i felt after a reply like that. I have to try and move forward with this but not sure how.
Matt ~ Deep down what does your gut say? Do you think you can save your marriage, do you want to, can you continue to live like this?
draconis
thanks for your reply
Deep down my gut feeling is we are all but finished as a married couple. Im not to sure if we can recover from this as i know it is the tip of the iceberg. for a long time now she has been disengaged from me, and more and more she shows her resentment towards me.
I have now suggested a trial separation. she does not what this to happen I feel it will give her a chance to realise what she had and me a chance to discover i no longer need her betrayals in my life.
Well, I guess the trial separation will be best for both of you. Who knows? Maybe things can change... But as Draconis asked you, I would recomend you listen to your heart and follow what you think is best.
Draconos is right listen to your heart. You obviously love her but I ask my self if the feelings are mutual. The trial seperation is a good idea, to think things through and see if this is what both of you want. good luck!
call me by another name?
Re: call me by another name?
