General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I have been reading threads on this forum for awhile now and i have come to a conclusion that alot of you are gonna beat me up over, but i feel compelled to share:
Women want their men to be like women, like their best "girlfriend", they want men to connect with them on the same emotional plane and respond to them like their best girlfriend would. They want men to be complicated and analytical about their relationships, to sit and talk everything out no matter how important or petty.
Women want their men to be like women, like their best "girlfriend", they want men to connect with them on the same emotional plane and respond to them like their best girlfriend would. They want men to be complicated and analytical about their relationships, to sit and talk everything out no matter how important or petty.
Men want sex
carry on..............
Your generalizing and that is not fact. Some do and some don't.
Also to point out ... there are degrees.
Some people are also more mature in what they expect.
Unrealistic expecations is the number one reason for divorce but those things you mentioned are only true for some.
My husband is very complicated and analytical. He is not a terribly emotional person, however. That is OK with me. I don't expect him to be all emotional with me. He understands that I'm very emotional. Heck, I cried at the end of the Meet The Robinson's cartoon movie.
My wife is big on the emotional part but doesn't offer it in return cause she is afraid to expose herself. It's a problem of why we continue this circle. I don't know if my wife has ever initiated sex.. Then again I want it all the time and probably don't give her the opportunity.. I am almost 40 and have the drive of a guy in the 20's.. My wife has the drive of a 50 year old.. Kind of funny.
Women want their men to be like women, like their best "girlfriend", they want men to connect with them on the same emotional plane and respond to them like their best girlfriend would. They want men to be complicated and analytical about their relationships, to sit and talk everything out no matter how important or petty.
No! That's the signal a lot of women give out, but it's fake!
What they actually want most of the time is a tough guy who won't buckle. It's a test:
If they say "jump" and your response is simply to ask "how high?", you just failed the test.
If they signal that you should walk on egg shells and you go right ahead and do it, you just failed the test. And above all... If they treat you with disrespect and never show any love or desire for you or your body and you stay with them instead of packing your bags - you failed the test.
It's all mind games. The fact is, that if you behave like a women, they will not fancy you at all. Do you think your wife would fancy her best girlfriend?
Correct me if I'm wrong men, but it seems to me that most men want communication in the relationship along with the sex. They don't want to analyze everything to death, but they do desire for their wife to not only be a sexual partner but a best friend as well.
oh i do indeed, but i cant be one without the other.
No! That's the signal a lot of women give out, but it's fake!
What they actually want most of the time is a tough guy who won't buckle. It's a test:
If they say "jump" and your response is simply to ask "how high?", you just failed the test.
If they signal that you should walk on egg shells and you go right ahead and do it, you just failed the test. And above all... If they treat you with disrespect and never show any love or desire for you or your body and you stay with them instead of packing your bags - you failed the test.
It's all mind games. The fact is, that if you behave like a women, they will not fancy you at all. Do you think your wife would fancy her best girlfriend?
Be a man.
so most of them are lying on here?
i am the tough guy you speak of, not an ***hole per se (i know sandy will disagree). it isnt working out that well for me. i know my wife isnt "all women". the mind games are what makes it so complicated mark, i have no desire to expend effort on that crap. and the fact that they want you to play along makes my original point.
i am the tough guy you speak of, not an ***hole per se (i know sandy will disagree). it isnt working out that well for me. i know my wife isnt "all women". the mind games are what makes it so complicated mark, i have no desire to expend effort on that crap. and the fact that they want you to play along makes my original point.
If you actually read what the "women on here" are asking for, it is not very much. They say things like "if only he would romance me a little - I would want more sex" or "A quick grope is not foreplay".
Women don't want a girlfriend experience from a husband they want a g'dam lover.
However, what I am talking about is very subtle, and I'm not sure if you quite grasped it: Women don't so much lie, as "run interference". It's as if they say to themselves "why talk straight in a language he can understand when I can talk in code?".
A woman I know nagged her husband all the time. One day she told me that when she got on his case the other time asking him to do this that and the other round the house and with the kids, what she was really hinting at to him was "GET A JOB". But she did not say it straight out. Instead she mad being at home 24/7 hell for him in the hope that he would "get it" and run screaming from the house.
So what I am saying is that your marriage is sub optimal because you have completely failed to understand your wife. Now I'm not saying that she has no part in all of that, but she is not the one writing threads on here. You don't need her help to fix this. If you simply understood her, you would know what to do next. And that might include walking right out the door. Nothing should be ruled in or out. To do so would be to shirk your duty to yourself to live life right on the edge.
If you actually read what the "women on here" are asking for, it is not very much. They say things like "if only he would romance me a little - I would want more sex" or "A quick grope is not foreplay".
Women don't want a girlfriend experience from a husband they want a g'dam lover.
However, what I am talking about is very subtle, and I'm not sure if you quite grasped it: Women don't so much lie, as "run interference". It's as if they say to themselves "why talk straight in a language he can understand when I can talk in code?".
A woman I know nagged her husband all the time. One day she told me that when she got on his case the other time asking him to do this that and the other round the house and with the kids, what she was really hinting at to him was "GET A JOB". But she did not say it straight out. Instead she mad being at home 24/7 hell for him in the hope that he would "get it" and run screaming from the house.
So what I am saying is that your marriage is sub optimal because you have completely failed to understand your wife. Now I'm not saying that she has no part in all of that, but she is not the one writing threads on here. You don't need her help to fix this. If you simply understood her, you would know what to do next. And that might include walking right out the door. Nothing should be ruled in or out. To do so would be to shirk your duty to yourself to live life right on the edge.
One question I have to ask you is: You have been on here many months, and read all the threads as well as started a few of your own. Has it helped? Is your marriage better, worse or the same?
No! That's the signal a lot of women give out, but it's fake!
What they actually want most of the time is a tough guy who won't buckle. It's a test:
If they say "jump" and your response is simply to ask "how high?", you just failed the test.
If they signal that you should walk on egg shells and you go right ahead and do it, you just failed the test. And above all... If they treat you with disrespect and never show any love or desire for you or your body and you stay with them instead of packing your bags - you failed the test.
It's all mind games. The fact is, that if you behave like a women, they will not fancy you at all. Do you think your wife would fancy her best girlfriend?
Be a man.
Ah, be careful here. Generalizations can be very dangerous!
What *I* want is another adult who can be vulnerable yet also knows how to take care of himself--someone who wants me and trusts me enough to share things with, but who is not needy. Someone who can be alone but chooses to be with me. That's what I offer in return.
What I don't want is extremes: too needy and dependent, or too controlling and/or uncompromising. Both extremes suggest poor self-esteem.
What I NEED is attraction/chemistry. If I don't desire you, then all the rest is moot and we should just be friends. This is not to say that chemistry alone makes a good relationship; far from it. But starting (a commitment) with out it is dooming a relationship to failure.
Also: most women do not intentionally play mind games. They do not "choose" to talk in "code." Sometimes, I am trying to say something difficult in a way that may be less painful. Sometimes, even I don't have a clear grasp on what I want (although I may not even know that). Just like men, women have myriad ways of communicating b/c we are individuals. Few people are intentionally cruel or misleading. Just because I'm an adult does not mean I have everything figured out all the time. I'm human. I make mistakes, with others and even with my own feelings. I'm an adult, so I accept responsibility for those mistakes.
Oh, and before you say, "well don't try to say it in a way that is less painful, just spit it out," remember, (a) "simple and direct" is supposedly a male virtue, and would you want women to be just like men? and (b) not all men are simple and direct or so clear on what they want that they always say it perfectly. Men are famous (infamous) for their "disappearing acts" when they lose interest in a woman for example, but how many have the guts to just say, this isn't working, I'm moving on? Very, very few--and leaving someone to wonder if/when the next call is coming is pretty mean, but I don't think guys want to be mean; I think they want to avoid a confrontation or do not want to witness any pain they might cause.
I have been reading threads on this forum for awhile now and i have come to a conclusion that alot of you are gonna beat me up over, but i feel compelled to share:
Women want their men to be like women, like their best "girlfriend", they want men to connect with them on the same emotional plane and respond to them like their best girlfriend would. They want men to be complicated and analytical about their relationships, to sit and talk everything out no matter how important or petty.
Men want sex
carry on..............
this is what i used to think, too. not so much anymore.
I have found this forum to be very cathartic, and I have to say it has allowed me an opportunity to basically "think out loud" and bounce thoughts off others in similar situations. All in all it has definitely helped my marriage, and I believe that you are dead on right when you say that: women don't want a "girl friend" for a husband. I know I exasperate the hell out of my wife, but I honestly know as well she appreciates having a "manly man" for a husband, even if she doesn't always understand me. By the way, good post sisters359, perhaps men and women aren't that different afterall. I agreed with everything you wrote.
An assessment you might not agree with 
My wife has the drive of a 50 year old.. Kind of funny.
