My husband and I are bored and unhappy. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-24-2009, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
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My husband and I are bored and unhappy.

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and have a 3 year old daughter. We both have been miserable for the last year, maybe 2 years. Since out daughter became a toddler, we've been dealing only with her and the housework when we're at home. It gets really stressful at bath and bedtime, so when she goes to bed, we retreat to separate rooms to cool down or just sit on the couch in silence.

My husband is seemingly always stressed about something. He takes anxiety medication, but I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him, because he's so easily bothered about the tiniest little thing. I'm not much of a treat either, since I'm also stressed out and I'm tired, so I let the housekeeping go a bit. I do more cleaning on the weekends, he does more during the week, but I feel like a slug for not helping. However, I'm usually keeping our daughter occupied while he's cleaning.

About a month ago, we both admitted we are unhappy. So we decided to work on it and try to pay more attention to each other. I've been doing more than he has. If I show him some attention or appreciation, he doesn't reciprocate or he blows me off. During a few days at my mother's without him, someone commented that I seemed happier and relaxed with him not around. That got me thinking...

We had a bad week last week. I told him I was jealous of a friendship he had with a female coworker and that they had the friendship WE used to have. We talked everything out and want to work on becoming closer again. We even sent our daughter to stay with Grandma for a week so we can reconnect. But we went out to dinner last night and had next to NOTHING to say. We both admitted this morning that it's really bothering us that we can't even have a conversation. We're bored and there's no spark left. When our daughter is around, we're tense and snippy with each other. She's been a handful lately and I'm sure she's sensing the tension between us. After she goes to bed and we're so tense and angry, neither of us feels very amorous, so the sex has been lacking to say the least!

Last week my 3 year old daughter put her hand on my arm asked me, "Mommy, why are you so sad?" It broke my heart and made me realize that I need to either fix the marriage (somehow) or leave.

We're going to go to counseling as soon as I get a return call from the counselor. But will that help us get our spark back? I don't want to continue in a loveless marriage, but I don't want to leave either.

Any advice would be appreciated.

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-24-2009, 01:49 PM
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Re: My husband and I are bored and unhappy.

Don't make any quick decissions. Talk with the counseler and see what he has to say. I think the first thing he well say is that your H need to breack the friendship with the coworker, it has to be only work with her. That puts more stress on you marriage.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-24-2009, 01:52 PM
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Re: My husband and I are bored and unhappy.

good news: yes counseling can help dramatically improve your quality of life and offer hope for a happy future either married or divorced.

i wish you all the best.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-24-2009, 03:09 PM
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Re: My husband and I are bored and unhappy.

I wish you the best. It will take time to turn this around...give it time. Try not to be impatient with each other and yourself.

Read some self help books; exercise as a family or as a couple; go out dancing; find an activity that you both enjoy; you are doing the same things together need to put a spark in your marriage or you won't have anything to talk about...
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-24-2009, 03:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My husband and I are bored and unhappy.

He has stopped chatting on Facebook with the coworker and he no longer talks about his personal life. So he is willing to back off that friendship which I'm glad about.

Corpuswife: It's funny you should say that. This week while we have time for ourselves, we're going on jogs together after dinner. The first one is tonight and I'm looking forward to it. We did a 5k together (sort of..he runs and I jog/walk) and he wants to do more of them now, so we're looking into doing more of those together.

Even if we don't fall madly in love again (which I understand is unrealistic) I just want to be able to at least be friends again and not the robots we currently are. I feel dead inside.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-24-2009, 03:20 PM
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Re: My husband and I are bored and unhappy.

you guys sound like you need a VACATION ASAP... time to yourselfs just relax and remember how much you mean to each other , remember why you guys married and how much love you guys shared , take a chill pill
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-24-2009, 03:56 PM
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Re: My husband and I are bored and unhappy.

Funny how people can feel bored. I have never felt that way as there was always something to do. Now that I have more free time, I still don't get bored, as there is always something to do.
Maybe your not in fact bored but letting things go............
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