My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and have a 3 year old daughter. We both have been miserable for the last year, maybe 2 years. Since out daughter became a toddler, we've been dealing only with her and the housework when we're at home. It gets really stressful at bath and bedtime, so when she goes to bed, we retreat to separate rooms to cool down or just sit on the couch in silence.
My husband is seemingly always stressed about something. He takes anxiety medication, but I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him, because he's so easily bothered about the tiniest little thing. I'm not much of a treat either, since I'm also stressed out and I'm tired, so I let the housekeeping go a bit. I do more cleaning on the weekends, he does more during the week, but I feel like a slug for not helping. However, I'm usually keeping our daughter occupied while he's cleaning.
About a month ago, we both admitted we are unhappy. So we decided to work on it and try to pay more attention to each other. I've been doing more than he has. If I show him some attention or appreciation, he doesn't reciprocate or he blows me off. During a few days at my mother's without him, someone commented that I seemed happier and relaxed with him not around. That got me thinking...
We had a bad week last week. I told him I was jealous of a friendship he had with a female coworker and that they had the friendship WE used to have. We talked everything out and want to work on becoming closer again. We even sent our daughter to stay with Grandma for a week so we can reconnect. But we went out to dinner last night and had next to NOTHING to say. We both admitted this morning that it's really bothering us that we can't even have a conversation. We're bored and there's no spark left. When our daughter is around, we're tense and snippy with each other. She's been a handful lately and I'm sure she's sensing the tension between us. After she goes to bed and we're so tense and angry, neither of us feels very amorous, so the sex has been lacking to say the least!
Last week my 3 year old daughter put her hand on my arm asked me, "Mommy, why are you so sad?" It broke my heart and made me realize that I need to either fix the marriage (somehow) or leave.
We're going to go to counseling as soon as I get a return call from the counselor. But will that help us get our spark back? I don't want to continue in a loveless marriage, but I don't want to leave either.
Any advice would be appreciated.