Ex-wife continues to call, and no children involved
I am new to the forum, so please forgive if I am posting this in the wrong area! This is a bit lengthy as well, but I am just trying to be clear.
I am moving in with my boyfriend next month. We have dated for over a year, and we both feel ready to take additional steps to see if we work as a couple. Both of us are interested in getting married and having children. He asked me to move in with him in December, but I was waiting until I could wrap up business before I left (we live two hours apart, but see each other every weekend). This is not so big a change for me, as I am only moving back to the city where I am from originally, and all my family is down there, so I am not isolating myself by doing this.
Things are very well between us. Both of us are open and honest, since we've both have been very hurt in our past.
The problem is with his ex-wife.
To give a brief history on my boyfriend and his ex-wife: they were married for less than 4 months, and were only together for two of the four. She had recently divorced her when she met my boyfriend, and they dated for a short while before he proposed. It was a hasty engagement and marriage, and he admits now he went about it all wrong. It would later turn out she had kept an affair with her ex-husband, and would later reconcile with him. She had one child with him when she met my boyfriend (who he became close to), and has since had another child with her now husband.
I have never met her, but have been led to believe she is deeply in love with her husband and has no interest in being with anyone else.
My problem is that is still occastionally calls my boyfriend. So far I have been told it for trivial things, such as a computer problem (my boyfriend works on computers) or directions to somewhere. Her husband would NOT approve of her calling and is in reality very jealous of my boyfriend. I questioned him if he and her were friends, and he says they are not. I asked him point-blank if he has feelings for her, and he has assured me that she caused him too much pain for him to ever reconcile with. He assures me he does not contact her, and that all the contact is of her calling him.
Long story short, I believe him, and although it pained me to do so, I have checked his phone to be certain, and have seen the times she had called or texted, it was on her end. I have been cheated on in the past and kept from researching further when I suspected for fear of violating boundaries and hurting the fabric of our relationship (I see now that is completely ridiculous). So I do feel confident with him that he is true.
However, last weekend I asked him if he did not want to communicate with her (as he has claimed), then why he allows her to continue to call. Oddly enough, the question seemd to stump him. He said he did not know why, that it was not because he was trying to be polite, and he did not care if he ever heard from her again. I did not push whether he was going to continue to let her call him after I asked.
My problem is that I do not want her calling. She is a very trashy woman with a potentially dangerous husband. I love my boyfriend and feel ready to try to share a life with him, but I do not want to live with her ghost.
I will be forward and say he does still have their old wedding photos, their wedding glasses, and both rings. He says they do not mean what they once did, and plans to throw the rings in a lake he goes to as a means of properly putting the past to rest.
I am just not sure at this point if I am simply being jealous (I sincerely hope so. I am willing to admit to jealously and very willing to work to overcome it). However, I am worried I may be turning a blind eye again, with the belief that I am over-stepping boundaries or potentially ruining our relationship by worrying about it too much. I really am in an odd spot.
Advice or thoughts would be nice. Please do not bother to say to leave him or anything of the like, because I do not feel we are in a situation where it would require such a drastic action. Nor do I feel I am putting myself into a negative situation by moving in with him. We are both adults (late 20s and 30s), and can take care of ourselves. I am just wondering what other thoughts would be.