Why are people so selfish???? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-08-2008, 08:55 PM Thread Starter
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Why are people so selfish????

I don’t want to generalize but my husband is the most selfish person I know. It is and never will be about me or our family. I am so done being second rate, he does this to me all the time………… Why do I stand for it????? I am a strong person, have been on my own since I was 13 now 38 and I have never needed anyone till him uggggggggggg this feels like an addition and I am done taking the lines…….. Feeling like the need to get a fix is just too much to bare, like and addict I need to go to AA. I need to remember that I am fantastic, I deserve fulfillment I need to be touched I need SEX (sorry) but man this guy is like in charge of everything. I don’t even get good conversation; I am left to fend for my self why do I stay??????????? I am such the fool, I just want to get enough nerve to say HEY don’t you see me anymore????? Do I not rate to be treated like a person that has always taking care of you and loved you so unconditionally? What is wrong with me????????

I guess this is not a ????? It is just a rant but I’m so done hurting and no one else to talk to so I guess you guys have to listen sorry. I so just want to be loved the way I love him.

Lonely and sad upset stressed and just plain pissed off.

I am one of a kind, to know me is to LOVE me.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-08-2008, 11:17 PM
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Re: Why are people so selfish????

I'm sorry you are so unhappy in your marriage. And while you don't describe exactly what your husband does I get the impression that he lacks empathy, compassion, consideration, takes you for granted, doesn't value you (how am I doing?)

It seems to me that he is very high in the trait of narcissism and if he is, then he can't help putting himself first. I don't know what to tell you but understanding narcissism might help:
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-09-2008, 01:44 AM
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Re: Why are people so selfish????

MyKidsMom ~ Ranting is fine. I once went to a very clever psychologist who at first I thought was a rip off until he explained his "cure". Basicly he had me talk through my problems until I realized the solution. I asked why he never just told me them, and he answered that it would be like giving a starving man a fish. Instead he wanted me able to realize and understand things on my own so I could handle new problems as they come up. I became a much better and strong person for it. I see by your rant you have answer many of the things that are bothering you, and you seem to be looking at solutions. You are already on the right path. So if you want rant more, and we'll listen and hopefully direct you to stay on the right path.

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-10-2008, 01:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Why are people so selfish????

Wow, that was a great read. Man did it hit most of his points......
Thanks you guys for being there, I feel as if I have used my sis and friend to much on this point. So it's good to have a mid-point in you guys, someone that does not know us and can look at it so from the middle. I know you are only getting my side, but damn if I knew what his side was I would tell you........ I know Im not perfect by NO means but hell does it have to be so hard to love someone??????????

I guess not from what I have read and from what you all have told me, I use to think he was my soul mate ( kidding myself ) from what I have learned there is no such thing only that if you truly care for someone both of you will always work at the realationship. It will not be one sided. Ugggggggggggg

I never wanted to get married and have kids to end up saying good bye. Man I was with this man for 8 years before I said lets do it, we had been engaged for 5 years. Then together for 11 before having a child.. I thought I was doing everything right ( I guess I was wrong ) I picked wrong and I should have seen the red flags. But all I could see was all the fun and stuff we do and that blured my vision. How blind did I want to be????? I guess pretty cause I did it to my self.

Hug's to you all and thanks again for all advice you all rock and I just hope I can help some one else out here as much as you all have for me.

I need a group cyber hug please HUG XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I am one of a kind, to know me is to LOVE me.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-11-2008, 05:23 PM
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Re: Why are people so selfish????


If you went to a therapist or a psycologist he would only be able to help you. Same with the forums you are reaching out and your perspective. With that we can help you, but since he isn't willing to seek help "we" can't help him.

You are right about over doing it with friends and family. I have known people that never stopped complaining and you tend to zone them out. Not so with forums. I really see this forum as a way to help people. I hope in the end you are one that can be helped too.

glad to hear from you.


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