MrsM

Ok here goes... I am a stay at home mom. My husband works. Because he "brings home the bacon" he seems to think that I get to do everything else.

I raise our son, I keep the house spic n span, cook nice meals, take care of our 7 animals, manage the finances and everything else in a household of 3.

Yesterday (Sunday) we both decided to have a bit of a "lazy day" something which only occurs in a blue moon for me. My husband tidied up the living room (which was messy from his friends coming over the night before) for a whole 5 minutes. He felt he deserved and award or something for doing this. I asked him later on in the day if he would kindly take the dogs outside to go potty and then feed them. About 1/2 and hour later as I was already lying in bed I realized that we had forgotten to wake our son to have him pee on the potty one last time (trying to get him to stop bed-wetting). Since my hubby was up still, I asked him to please go take care of it.

At this point my husband blew up and asked if he was my slave or something! I was appalled. I asked two minor things of him all day. He has NO chores that he is expected to do. He usually does whatever he pleases when he comes home from work and on his days off. Meanwhile my job is pretty much perpetual from morning to night 7 days a week.

I left him know that I was pretty pissed off at him since he never does anything to contribute around the house except on the rare occasion I specifically ask him to. He said that he makes the money so he should not have to do anything else.

I am ready to take up beating my husband. Help. Am I so out of line to be outraged about all of this? I am feeling pretty used right now. I am ready to "quit" my "job".

Melanie

draconis

No matter if I worked 100 hour weeks, or not at all and if my wife was doing 60 hour weeks or stay at home (we have switch roles many times) We have both always done stuff in the house.

How many hours does he work? How hard is the job? Is he disabled? Does he do other things around the house (like fix the car, snow removal, lawn care etc?

draconis

sarahdale24

I would be pissed to. Sounds like your husband is being very selfish. I think that he should help around the house a little bit, and if it was all you asked him something just something small, and he blew up...is there something bothering him maybe? That would make him mad?


My husband doesn't do ALOT around here, but he doesn't get pissy when I do ask him to do something and he does help out. Weather it be cooking breakfast on weekend mornings, taking the dog out etc.

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SageMother

It sounds like it is time for a redistribution of power. As soon as your son is able to be at a daycare or Early Learning center, he should start going so that you can work outside the home also. Be sure you have a separate bank account and the husband's name isn't on it.

I say this because this is just the tip of an iceberg that will only grow with time. His attitude is that you take care of the home, period, which makes you a servant in your own residence.

mollyL

That's a whole lot of rage you and your husband are carrying around. Conversely, he could be thinking that he is the martyr.

MyKidsMom

Wow Im a stay at home mom to but I clean houses and I do what I call Mommy Taxi I pick other peoples kids up and take them to school for money. Im the only stay at home mom I know that gets home after my husband..... And I will tell you I am his slave, I use to do everything I just cant anymore. You should see my house I hate having people over cause man what a mess.

I dont know girl you need to talk to him and let him know that you need just a little help, and if he does not want to give it then tell him you will hire someone. hehehehehe Sorry I mean you could get a kid to walk the dog

I hear what you are saying, and I post on a SAHM forum also and I tell the gals there all the time. For all the non Thank you's

Thank you for all that you do and all the bath times and dinners and hugs and love that you give thank you for the clean house and all my clean clothes Thank you for all your hard work. Let me give you a Cyber Hug cause I need one to. Thanks for being a mom.....

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kevin

This is my first post on any site ever. I was quite a bit like your husband. My mom did virtually everything at home and didn't require us kids to help. I think that conditioned me to be that way somewhat, and I got married at 20 so I never had to learn to do things for myself. All of that doesn't excuse the actions, but it does help to explain them. Me in particular and maybe all men to and extent don't think about the work required to maintain a household. I think it would work out for you much better to have him help you do the chore, do the dishes together one washing one drying, or what ever. Doing it together makes it go much faster, and gives you bonding time. It will also start him to realize things don't just get done automatically. It also gives you time together away from your child. It can be difficult for a man to transition from being the only one in your life to sharing you. Resentment can build up, before the child you never asked me to do anything and now I am having to do more. Start slowly, but definitely start, and teach your children to help when they get older and don't perpetuate this behavior in your children.

kevin

Liza

A lot of men are like that, some of us women are to be blamed because we don't train our sons to help out or to do things around the house. Generally when they do they expect a big applause plus special treatment. It's just totally unfair.

MyKidsMom

I think Im doing the right thing with my son, I clean peoples houses so that I can be a stay at home mom he helps me all the time cause he wants to be right next to me so I spray he wipes heheheheh. I hope that I am making a great partner for his wife.

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I am one of a kind, to know me is to LOVE me.

draconis

I grew up cooking and cleaning for my parents and guess what I do it now, it is the right thing to teach sons to do and more and more I see women unable to do these things.

draconis