Does my wife go out too much or am I paranoid?
Iíve been married 7 years. I'm 36, she's 32. We have 2 very young children. The first few years of our marriage were a happy honeymoon. The last 4+ years we were either very pregnant or raising infants/ toddlers. A new busy, tired happy. Although our intimacy needs work, we love each other, are best friends, and enjoy each others company tremendously.
About 8 months ago, my wife started going out on weekend nights with a girlfriend (mutual friend, also married). That's to be expected. After 4 years of being a mommy, she was due for some non-hubby/kid company. And a monthly "girlís night out" is healthy.
I just don't think their particular choice of activity, or frequency (used to be monthly, lately every other week) is appropriate for a 32 year old mother of 2. Every time they go out, they go out dancing at bars until closing time. Her friend is a similar age and very attractive and flirty. My wife also has an outgoing personality, and has gotten back into pretty good shape since our second child. So her and her friend surely make pretty tempting prospects in that kind of an environment. And I know both of their personalities. I know they don't dance only with each other until 2:00 AM every other weekend. I know they dance w/ people they meet there. They hang out with them. Flirt. Have fun. They have a wide circle of friends they could invite along who could make it more like a ladies night out if they chose to. But itís always just the two of them. Itís their little thing.
I trust my wife and don't worry that she's looking to "hook-up". She just wants to have fun. But as someoneís grandma said in another post, if you sit in the barber chair long enough, youíre going to get a haircut. The more you expose yourself to something like this, the more likely something could happen. The right guy walks in, chemistry strikes, thereís seemingly few consequences and little chance of detection. Sheís human. I know she wouldnít have sex with a man she met at a bar. But it doesnít have to be sex to be cheating.
Am I overreacting? (There is no history of infidelity in our relationship, not even suspicion, up until now.) Is this just innocent "unwind time"? Is my jealousy going to force her to stop an activity she loves that only me and my paranoia see as wrong?
She doesnít talk about these evenings with me. It is a very fine line between me asking innocent questions afterwards and seeming like Iím paranoid and prying. I feel like Iím the (mostly) dependable, solid guy at home that worries about money and has annoying habits. In other words, old news and boring. These strange guys are her fun, her excitement. I hate the whole thing and donít know what to do.