Advice Needed: Upcoming Wedding and Inlaw Problems

Hello Blue · 09-04-2009, 03:16 AM

Dear friends, I am getting married to the most wonderful being in less then a weeks time. I have a few doubts and would appreciate some advice http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/...cratchhead.gif He is the eldest son of 4, has one brother (working & out of the country),sister(also working & out of the country) and a sister(still in school). His mother is the bread winner and his father has been jobless now for more than 8 years and has a gambling and drinking habit. My fiance has been supporting his family since he has finished college which is more than 7 years now. My problem is that I cannot see how his family will survive financially without his help and I don't know how we will survive if he continues helping his mother. I thought that I could handle this but now I am not so sure. He has such a kind heart and cannot simply say no without a reason.What should I do? Should I tell him to stop, what will happen to his parents? Should I tell him to continue, what will happen to us? Please help

euphoria · 09-04-2009, 06:28 AM

Hi Blue, sounds like an awful situation. Are they from another country? Just that I noticed you said some of them are gone overseas. Anyway, have you talked with him about this? Did he say what he was planning to do? It is great that he wants to help, but he shouldn't be solely responsible...especially when he is ready to start his own family. Is there any chance they could file for some type of financial support? How old are the parents...I would guess they are close to retirement. This is why I asked if they were from another country...that would effect their ssi. Is there any way the parents can go with the sister to whatever country she is in?

Wow, you really need to sit down and have a heart to heart. He must realize that this cannot go on if he is starting his own family...but is that what is most important to him?

Blanca · 09-04-2009, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hello Blue

He has such a kind heart and cannot simply say no without a reason.

he lacks boundaries. if he is the son of an alcoholic this will be a major obstacle for him- and you if you marry him. he is probably codependent.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hello Blue

Should I tell him to stop, what will happen to his parents? Should I tell him to continue, what will happen to us? Please help

you shouldnt tell him what to do at all. but you should tell him your concerns about what he is doing and ask him what he plans on doing once you are married. then you decide if that's something you want to live with. but odds are, he will not stop supporting his family.