My Wife Wants To Move Out - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-06-2009, 12:00 AM Thread Starter
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My Wife Wants To Move Out

Last night the night before I am due to go on a preplanned 1 week fishing trip just with my brother, my wife told me she wanted to move out and take one of our daughters with her. We had a really good talk and for now at least she said she will stay. We have been togther for 17 years and married for 9, and have 2 girls aged 11 and 8.
Things have not been good lately and we reached a similar point two years ago. She told me then she didn't know if she loved me anymore and wanted to split up. She felt we were not going out enough as a couple and were frequently arguing. I work really hard and long hours and am so tired at evenings and weekends, money has also been tight at times.
At the time she had been diagnosed as starting the menapause, and also suffered with depression. Also we have had to cope with my eldests behavioural problems and a serious health scare. Somehow we managed to work through it and stay togther and I wrongly put our situation down to the above. Things came to a head last night over an argument over the children, my wife feels that I'm never at home enough because I still work long hours (true), and not interested in her and the kids (not true) Also that I'm always finding fault and far too hard on my eldest daugher when she misbehaves. Things have not been right for some time she has often slept downstairs and suddenly going nightclubbing with her friends. Also spending much time on facebook/msn.
I love her dearly and don't want to split up and divide the family.

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-06-2009, 12:22 AM
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Re: My Wife Wants To Move Out

Your wife has told you she wants more attention. Maybe she hasn't said if outright...but the timing of her wanting to move out isnt' coincidental.

She probably has been brooding over your guys vacation for awhile. She probably wishes she could go on one with you? Or maybe she could leave for one on her own? I know I would feel that way.

I am sure you deserve the vacation. It's good that you are going. Since your marriage is in crisis...the timing may be off if you want to save the marriage. Maybe it could have been a couples retreat instead. I guess too late for that one right now.

Some stress, like you are describing, isn't the CAUSE of the marriage breakdown, it just give the person the momentum to move forward in the breakdown. She was already unhappy...add the stress...add the husband going on vacation without her! Boom! She's moving out.

Start by reading some self help books if you want to begin saving your marriage. Educate yourself. Take some time to do 1-1 with your wife, if she allows. Some people are doing the LOVE DARE. Search it if you want to find out more.

This rebuilding will take some time and patience. I hope she is willing to do some work herself. It's no fun and impossible to try to work on the marriage alone.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-06-2009, 07:24 AM
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Re: My Wife Wants To Move Out

There were many moments I wanted to move out, coincidentally, my husband also works too hard. It feels like he values work more than our marriage. To be fair, I was quite busy myself with work/study.
Recently I took a personal coaching sessions for about 2 months - main thing was to get a sense of how I was doing in the areas of career, family (includes wife/hubby/parents etc), health, spiritual, self. Should have been obvious, but most of my time was spent on 'career'. It is worth thinking about where you are and where your wife is in all the above areas of life.
Then accept that you'll both have alone 'self' times but weave in time for both to make sure life is better with together as well.
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