General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Hi. Has anyone had this experience? I'm deep in a happy marriage of 20 years. We really like each other, and love each other deeply. We have great sex, averaging once a week while twice a week is the goal and three times a week would be ideal. I've had my sexiest, most fulfilling and exciting sexual experiences with my husband. Here's the thing though: every now and then (maybe once a year?) I go through this thing where I am physically utterly and totally repelled by my husband. I don't want to listen to him chew; I don't want to smell him; I don't want to be near him. It's horrible and feels so mean and is a truly visceral response on my part. During those times I still love to talk with him and find him as engaging and dear as ever; I just Do Not Want to be physically near him. It is hurtful for him and of course I don't articulate what's going on, but it's obvious. Does this ever happen to anyone else? Is it hormonal? I feel really bad about it and would love to know: A) is this normal? B) Can it be avoided? C) What in the world do I say as I cycle back into being delighted by his smell and his touch? I'm at that point now but he's clearly hurt and how do I explain what that 2-week distance was all about?
Thanks for writing. Interesting question. The answer is no, based on the climate where we live. Too close? Too stinky? Too much time together? I get where you're going. Anyone else have something like this? I have many women friends who aren't very into their husbands in any case and who would all say they know exactly what I'm talking about. But since they're generally not into their husbands, their point of view is just not helpful!
I've been married 24 years and I think this may be normal. For you it's yearly for 2 weeks. For me it might be several days throughout the years.
It's difficult to live in a marriage 24/7. Explain to him that these times, it could be hormonal (excuse) and you don't mean harm. Perhaps this is a good time to find an outing that you enjoy alone or with girlfriends and have some fun.
I've been married 24 years and I think this may be normal. For you it's yearly for 2 weeks. For me it might be several days throughout the years.
It's difficult to live in a marriage 24/7. Explain to him that these times, it could be hormonal (excuse) and you don't mean harm. Perhaps this is a good time to find an outing that you enjoy alone or with girlfriends and have some fun.
so your suggesting that she use hormones as an excuse to get away from him?
perhaps some honesty might be in order. maybe he will feel some relief and get to go fishing or golfing.
I go or went through this during part of when I was pregnant (with both my kids) or sometimes when its that time of the month. So I think for myself I can blame this on hormones..Maybe you should see a professional about this and try your best to communicate what is going on with you to your husband because I'm sure he could start to wonder if it's him.
Yes, I'm 46, and by now could be experiencing perimenopause. Honesty has always worked best for us and we are very communicative--far more so than most of our peers and friends over the years. But this is pretty yukky, right? I mean, even if I do attribute it to hormones (and that's a reasonable excuse when hormones are in fact at play), there's still the "and I couldn't stand to be near you" element of the story! Yuk! I would hate to hear that no matter what the reason. But do you think it's best to just get it out there? Oh, dear.
Yes, I'm 46, and by now could be experiencing perimenopause. Honesty has always worked best for us and we are very communicative--far more so than most of our peers and friends over the years. But this is pretty yukky, right? I mean, even if I do attribute it to hormones (and that's a reasonable excuse when hormones are in fact at play), there's still the "and I couldn't stand to be near you" element of the story! Yuk! I would hate to hear that no matter what the reason. But do you think it's best to just get it out there? Oh, dear.
to be honest, if my wife came to me and said that there are a few days a month that she was overcome by hormones and didnt really want to be around me, i would friggin love it. assuming the rest of the month was spent making up for lost time. i would have guilt free "play days" to do what i want because she has told me to stay away. you also need to remember that during certain time frames of that time of the month, men dont want to be anywhere near the woman anyway.
Are there external stressors in your life when this tends to happen? It may be hormonal, but only once a year seems odd if it is. I am wondering if there are underlying things going on that are bothering you at those times...I know when I am stressed, I tend to pull away.
Yes, external stress for sure at the moment, tho usually even with lots of stress I'm happy enough to be intimate. Just now it's that I'm usually pretty fit but am overweight and unhappy about it after breaking an ankle in June; both my parents are suddenly in quite weak health and I live on the other side of the world from them and long to be nearer. We are not able to make a major move just now. Actually as I write that it seems like those anxieties sound like a reasonable excuse for withdrawing. For this time, anyway.
Healthy, Happy Marriage; Periodic Physical Disinterest. Normal?
