All the tell tale signs of cheating...but
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Old 05-22-2013, 03:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

I would like to all hear your opinion on this, especially from those experienced long time TAM members. Women especially, please free to chime in.

If you received these lines, or your wife exhibited these actions, how sure are you that she was carrying on an affair, even if you do not have any concrete evidence, ie. Facebook, email, private investigator?

1. The classic "I love you but I am not in love with you"
2. You are controlling.
3. I have felt like this for over 5 years.
4. I need my space.
5. We need to work on ourselves first before we can work on this marriage.
6. Counseling won't work for us.
7. Marriage history re-write.


My marriage is over, but yes, these lines were given to me. There were more and I already forgot the other ones, maybe you guys would like to add some more to jolt my memory.

So what do you say, cheating or not?
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Old 05-22-2013, 03:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

You dont love me, you only love the idea of me.
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Old 05-22-2013, 03:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

Numbers 1, 2, 3 are insignificant.

Number 4 is borderline because if the H has been controlling then hell yeah she needs space.

!Number 5 and 6 are the red flags. ?But in the absence of emails, texts or a pattern of behavior indicating an affair, they don't mean much.

Marriage history rewrite is a very subjective term. It may be rewrite to you when it is her truth.

I'm sorry for your marriage. IMO, which counts for absolute sh!t, you have no indicators of an affair.
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Old 05-22-2013, 04:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

I got a few of these.

Quote:
1. The classic "I love you but I am not in love with you" Read: I'm too shallow to make a marriage work.
2. You are controlling. Read: You won't let me live like a married single.
3. I have felt like this for over 5 years. Didn't get this one.
4. I need my space. Read: It's over, you just don't know it yet.
5. We need to work on ourselves first before we can work on this marriage. Read: I have no intentions of getting back together with you, but for funsies, I'll dangle a carrot in front of you face for a few months.
6. Counseling won't work for us.Read: I've already created my perfect vision of singlehood, and you're not stopping me.
7. Marriage history re-write. [b]Mine wasn't cheating, but boy, was she good at this one. Still is.
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Old 05-22-2013, 04:10 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

It would be more than enough to motivate me to find objective evidence of an affair.

If I still gave a damn.
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Old 05-22-2013, 04:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

I'd certainly be looking for an OM
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alpha View Post

So what do you say, cheating or not?
These things seen in conjunction with unexplained missing time; secrecy in cell phone/computer use; preening with the hair, dress, etc. for dates; a new "friend" etc.
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wiserforit View Post
These things seen in conjunction with unexplained missing time; secrecy in cell phone/computer use; preening with the hair, dress, etc. for dates; a new "friend" etc.
Got that too.
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

Good way to check for unsavory behavior...

...wait for the whole "RESPECT MY PRIVACY" line. Right there, he or she is hiding something.
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

What was the "but" part?
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:16 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
What was the "but" part?
The BUT part is I never could find the smoking gun.

When I first posted my situation two years ago, I explained in detail what was going on, especially the conversations, and I was told here on TAM that my story was nothing new that there was a high probability that my wife was cheating.

I thought I was unique but after reading stories here there are just too many similarities.
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:17 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyHigh View Post
Good way to check for unsavory behavior...

...wait for the whole "RESPECT MY PRIVACY" line. Right there, he or she is hiding something.
Ah yes, I remember that one as well.
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anon Pink View Post
Numbers 1, 2, 3 are insignificant.

Number 4 is borderline because if the H has been controlling then hell yeah she needs space.

!Number 5 and 6 are the red flags. ?But in the absence of emails, texts or a pattern of behavior indicating an affair, they don't mean much.

Marriage history rewrite is a very subjective term. It may be rewrite to you when it is her truth.

I'm sorry for your marriage. IMO, which counts for absolute sh!t, you have no indicators of an affair.
Nice to hear your perspective on this. Here on TAM once you get the "I love you but...." line it is considered a serious red flag. I never could find the smoking gun but got all the classic warning lines that members here on TAM say to look out for.
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:37 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

On it's own i agree with Anon pink but later you post that she IS preening and dressing nicely and your noticing missing time etc...
That changes things....

Having said that... It's almost a reflex here for men/people to say that the W left for another man regardless of fact. I think because it's easier to take... than just being left.

I know several women/moms/wives who ended their marriages simply to get out of the marriage. Some didn't date for years...my sister was one of them.
She just wanted to leave. They share a child and she speaks really nicely about her ex and says she will always love him and that he's great dad.

So ILYBINILWY can sometimes mean...just that.
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Old 05-22-2013, 08:50 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: All the tell tale signs of cheating...but

Has she started taking better care of her self? Tanning, working out, eating less? Maybe she has baught new sexy panties/bras/lingerie. You may even notice she has baught new shampoos, or even a new body wash. Not saying if she is doing any of these she cheating but if these are being combined with some from above definitely deserves a second more deeper look into things....
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