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My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
This is my first time writing in a forum...
My husband and I have been married for over five years and together nearly 8 and have two children.
My husband very rarely has sex with me and normally only when I bring up the issue that he is not being affectionate. I know he watches porn at least twice a week as the links are in the history column on our computer.
For years now I have walked in on him masturbating in the shower and know that he gets up before me in the mornings and masturbates to porn in front of the computer.
I did not know before we got married that he was obsessed with porn as we didn't have a computer. We now have had a computer for about four years.
After about two years and sex maybe once a fortnight (If i am lucky) I noticed that his Dads sent him over the years heaps of porn. And this only makes it more supported.
I have a very high sex drive and would love sex 3 4 times a week. And he makes out that I am being over the top and invasive. To the point where I feel bad for asking. I have since stopped.
Just to add both of us were molested as young children. I was fortunate enough that my parents had me go to counselling very early on (11yrs old) my husband has never told his family and also never had counselling for this.
I would really appreciate any advice on how I can deal with this as I am feeling really down about this and am at the point of wondering if I am better off just moving on I have tried to openly and caringly discuss this with no improvement.
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happysoul
Just to add both of us were molested as young children. I was fortunate enough that my parents had me go to counselling very early on (11yrs old) my husband has never told his family and also never had counselling for this.
I would really appreciate any advice on how I can deal with this as I am feeling really down about this and am at the point of wondering if I am better off just moving on I have tried to openly and caringly discuss this with no improvement.
That sucks. You both got screwed up and luckily you got counselling. He needs counselling too obviously. His coping mechanism is screwing him up more.
He needs to face up to the fact that by escaping into fantasy, and masturbating to images, he is losing out on the real love affection and sex of a real person, which will help him to heal rather than prolong his addictive behaviour.
How does he react when you talk to him about it?
Has he considered counselling? Is he afraid/ashamed?
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
Hi There,
Thank you for your reply most people don't want to touch this topic.
It does suck and yea I can see what you mean by my husbands coping mechanism is the escapiam into fantasy.
I have addressed this with him but not for some time now. But I will be revisiting the subject before too long.
He has and we have had counselling on three occassions but he usually works away feeling perscuted by the therapist for not wanting to be with his wife. Admittedly I have never really brough up the issue of the porn as the addiction component has really only dawned on me very recently.
He is very much in denial about the impact his past has and is having on his sex life, interest in porn and the affect it is having on me.
When I speak to him he says nothing and makes out as though I am having ago at him. Yes I know I am talking to him... never yeeling just hoping for a discussion but nothing.
I am sure he is ashamed of what happened as a child as his was by another man and did not realise that this had all taken place until he was about 20 when he was no longer surpessing the abuse.
I am not sure what exactly he is afraid of... this is something I want to look into further myself. And perhaps will pursue a counsellor that specailises in the area of sexual assault.
He is seeing a therapist/ life coach at the moment however he has told me that he is really focussing on his career at the moment... bluffing his way out of it again unfortunately.
Thank you Happysoul.
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
Until he gives this up he will sink deeper into this cess pool of imagination...Yours is a story of many women...It consists of loneliness and sorrow...Look into some web sites that battle this disease...Your problem being that he does not need you to make love with him...He has his imagination which he is taking with him to the shower or wherever he goes...The horrible problem of this habit is that the wife's sexual parts no longer look good to him...Instead it is the man or woman that he is looking at...There he becomes lost in his own lust...He must stop...Cold turkey....Or this will probably ruin your marriage....
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
He does need to get some help with this. You probably know that more than anyone. And the fact his father is supporting this is incredible. Complete denial of what the problem is.
Insist he have private counseling, not marriage counseling. This is probably not something he will want to go in depth in front of you.
This will continue to be an issue unless he does something about it.
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
just an idea...what if you joined him...next time you see him tell him you want to join him but that you want to have sex also. See what he says...if he tells you no, i agree he needs to talk to someone about this habit and negecting you in the process.
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
He has no want of his wife/partner joining him...He is living in the land of Oz....He wants no interruptions....He has his young harem....There is a "keep out" sign on the door....Only by walking away from this can he find real happiness....If he stumbles, she must help him up....It is a long road ahead...But, it can be accomplished....
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
I can speak a little on this topic having had a 15 year porn addiction, 10 of those years in a relationship with a woman that was just as freaky as I. That was great and no problem was apparent. My current Wife would turn and run after throwing up if I tried half the stuff that I used to do with the ex. We had our own porn stash, she had her favorite stars and I had mine, we each had our sex toys, we were freak.
Although I don't think that the porn has ever been the actual problem/issue, in my life but my deviance.
I have always been a freak, the porn was just something to look at that mirrored my internal "demon(s)" and I am an artist too boot and can see images in my mind, in great detail and so my own mind was the most perverse place I enjoyed the sickness.
On the other kind of side topic to this thread.
Growing up, I had a cousin who's house I would always frequent when my Mom was working. This boy cousin of mine was two years older than me and we grew up together.
I remember my Mom always warning me not to let anyone touch me in my privates and if they do to tell her and I always thought that she was just tripping over nothing.
I had never felt in any danger of that and I thought my Mom is sick for thinking that kind of stuff.
I do remember an uncle, (the Dad of that cousin of mine) that ended up coming out later that he was a molester, letting me climb up on his bed, I was very little like 3 or 4 or so, can't remember but I could talk already, and my Aunt coming in right away and taking me out of the room and sitting me in the living room to watch tv.
No molestation actually happened "that I can remember" and at the time I didn't think much of that memory other than me liking to climb things and a nice uncle that took the time to even play with me.
Later it came out that he had been molesting a step daughter of his with my Aunt and an adoptive daughter of that same Aunt. She knew about it and he had a kid with her daughter that they ended up raising as their own.
This kind of thing apparently does happen more often than the news reports it, or families talk about it.
Anyway, I ended up being a sexual deviant, porn addict and I don't have "having been molested" as an excuse, although apparently I came close. I think some of us are just more sexual than others for reasons unknown.
If I had to blame something, I would have to blame the fact that my Mother used to hound me all the time about not looking at listening to or even thinking of inappropriate material. Being pentecostal that's a long list of stuff, so my interest in all things sexual at a young age was that analogy of the cookie jar.
Just talk about it with him, what you see as a problem is simply him enjoying himself, indulging his sexual fantasies.
I agree with the person that said that he does not need a partner in it but I disagree i think with that same poster in that this is an issue that he needs to walk away from in order to be truly happy. I have toned down my sexual exploits since my new Wife is a total prude but I still have the perversions in my head and like to surf porn sites to satisfy those desires.
Not harming anyone, plus if he does not wish to have sex, he doesn't have to. Not just women can stop having sex with their mate and be well within her rights. Women have emotional issues and stop having sex with their husbands and almost everyone cheers them, you go girl.
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
[QUOTE=carmaenforcer;87503]I can speak a little on this topic having had a 15 year porn addiction, 10 of those years in a relationship with a woman that was just as freaky as I. That was great and no problem was apparent. My current Wife would turn and run after throwing up if I tried half the stuff that I used to do with the ex. We had our own porn stash, she had her favorite stars and I had mine, we each had our sex toys, we were freak.
Although I don't think that the porn has ever been the actual problem/issue, in my life but my deviance.
I have always been a freak, the porn was just something to look at that mirrored my internal "demon(s)" and I am an artist too boot and can see images in my mind, in great detail and so my own mind was the most perverse place I enjoyed the sickness.
On the other kind of side topic to this thread.
Growing up, I had a cousin who's house I would always frequent when my Mom was working. This boy cousin of mine was two years older than me and we grew up together.
I remember my Mom always warning me not to let anyone touch me in my privates and if they do to tell her and I always thought that she was just tripping over nothing.
I had never felt in any danger of that and I thought my Mom is sick for thinking that kind of stuff.
I do remember an uncle, (the Dad of that cousin of mine) that ended up coming out later that he was a molester, letting me climb up on his bed, I was very little like 3 or 4 or so, can't remember but I could talk already, and my Aunt coming in right away and taking me out of the room and sitting me in the living room to watch tv.
No molestation actually happened "that I can remember" and at the time I didn't think much of that memory other than me liking to climb things and a nice uncle that took the time to even play with me.
Later it came out that he had been molesting a step daughter of his with my Aunt and an adoptive daughter of that same Aunt. She knew about it and he had a kid with her daughter that they ended up raising as their own.
This kind of thing apparently does happen more often than the news reports it, or families talk about it.
Anyway, I ended up being a sexual deviant, porn addict and I don't have "having been molested" as an excuse, although apparently I came close. I think some of us are just more sexual than others for reasons unknown.
If I had to blame something, I would have to blame the fact that my Mother used to hound me all the time about not looking at listening to or even thinking of inappropriate material. Being pentecostal that's a long list of stuff, so my interest in all things sexual at a young age was that analogy of the cookie jar.
Just talk about it with him, what you see as a problem is simply him enjoying himself, indulging his sexual fantasies.
I agree with the person that said that he does not need a partner in it but I disagree i think with that same poster in that this is an issue that he needs to walk away from in order to be truly happy. I have toned down my sexual exploits since my new Wife is a total prude but I still have the perversions in my head and like to surf porn sites to satisfy those desires.
Not harming anyone, plus if he does not wish to have sex, he doesn't have to. Not just women can stop having sex with their mate and be well within her rights. Women have emotional issues and stop having sex with their husbands and almost everyone cheers them, you go girl.
Men should have the same freedom.[/QUOTE]
Seeing I am probably the nameless woman who said this: Excuses are made to suit the person with this habit...Why would you marry a woman who is a prude having such a high sexuality as you do?..The person who walks away won't be truly happy as he is in sexual heat with his nude harem that he sees... However, with work he can find it...It is a terrible habit...His Upper....His Wife's downer....
On your statement that "Man should have the same freedom"????.... Come on..Poor excuse...And what does a man gain for playing sex with a computer?....That is besides the possible loss of his erectile powers in life?...When you become your own greatest lover, how can women duplicate this?...You become a quick draw artist in bed with your partner...That is if you are able to get it up....She better not ask for foreplay as you can't last that long as your mind is on the hot babe on the computer....Hey guy, I know life...Sexual Dysfunction among men is now epidemic....I know, I used to Mod that Forum among many others...Wife's crying and husbands begging for help....And believe me I have helped a couple of them...Told them how to find it again....I will not argue this point...I will simply state my views.....In the long run, who wins and who loses...
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
Just do one thing copy him in his activities.You also start watching porn with him.Let him feel the pinch that you used to feel till now.I hope this will do a little bit.Tit For Tat!!
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carmaenforcer
I can speak a little on this topic having had a 15 year porn addiction, 10 of those years in a relationship with a woman that was just as freaky as I. That was great and no problem was apparent. My current Wife would turn and run after throwing up if I tried half the stuff that I used to do with the ex. We had our own porn stash, she had her favorite stars and I had mine, we each had our sex toys, we were freak.
Although I don't think that the porn has ever been the actual problem/issue, in my life but my deviance.
I have always been a freak, the porn was just something to look at that mirrored my internal "demon(s)" and I am an artist too boot and can see images in my mind, in great detail and so my own mind was the most perverse place I enjoyed the sickness.
On the other kind of side topic to this thread.
Growing up, I had a cousin who's house I would always frequent when my Mom was working. This boy cousin of mine was two years older than me and we grew up together.
I remember my Mom always warning me not to let anyone touch me in my privates and if they do to tell her and I always thought that she was just tripping over nothing.
I had never felt in any danger of that and I thought my Mom is sick for thinking that kind of stuff.
I do remember an uncle, (the Dad of that cousin of mine) that ended up coming out later that he was a molester, letting me climb up on his bed, I was very little like 3 or 4 or so, can't remember but I could talk already, and my Aunt coming in right away and taking me out of the room and sitting me in the living room to watch tv.
No molestation actually happened "that I can remember" and at the time I didn't think much of that memory other than me liking to climb things and a nice uncle that took the time to even play with me.
Later it came out that he had been molesting a step daughter of his with my Aunt and an adoptive daughter of that same Aunt. She knew about it and he had a kid with her daughter that they ended up raising as their own.
This kind of thing apparently does happen more often than the news reports it, or families talk about it.
Anyway, I ended up being a sexual deviant, porn addict and I don't have "having been molested" as an excuse, although apparently I came close. I think some of us are just more sexual than others for reasons unknown.
If I had to blame something, I would have to blame the fact that my Mother used to hound me all the time about not looking at listening to or even thinking of inappropriate material. Being pentecostal that's a long list of stuff, so my interest in all things sexual at a young age was that analogy of the cookie jar.
Just talk about it with him, what you see as a problem is simply him enjoying himself, indulging his sexual fantasies.
I agree with the person that said that he does not need a partner in it but I disagree i think with that same poster in that this is an issue that he needs to walk away from in order to be truly happy. I have toned down my sexual exploits since my new Wife is a total prude but I still have the perversions in my head and like to surf porn sites to satisfy those desires.
Not harming anyone, plus if he does not wish to have sex, he doesn't have to. Not just women can stop having sex with their mate and be well within her rights. Women have emotional issues and stop having sex with their husbands and almost everyone cheers them, you go girl.
Men should have the same freedom.
Exactly sombody like you,carmaenforcer, could have safed all this tipping...Your whole dialogue is just, I don't know how to describe it! YOU are still an addicted and yes YOU need help as well! nomatter if molested or not!
Yes, it is true, she needs to walk away from ALL that and so her husband in first place!!!!
Porn is an evil thing!!!!!! here so you can see where you're at!
but back to you Happy Soul! He needs to stop that!!! And please don't ever try to join him! When I read stuff like that I get angry! Is he having Sex with you when you want it? NO, so why in the world should you support something stuff like that and than I can just repeat it is an very very EVIL thing!!!
Honey, I'm going through the same. The thing is that I realised early that that was NOWAY how to continue a marriage. Now it's up to my hubby! And nobody else. I can't force him!
But be strong! You should try to read some of those things too the link I posted obove. It will make you understand more about porn. Now it's your turn to study as much as you can about it. So you will learn how to deal with you husband, the correct way (I'm glad you did not yell at him, I cryed, yelled, said it in a nice way , every kind of way.) And it describes at lot more things that are very helpful!!!!
But at the end he has to be the one that has to see his mistake. But by his father supporting this kind of crap it's making anything better!
I feel with you! I pray for you and your husband!!!!!
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Relationshipexpert
Just do one thing copy him in his activities.You also start watching porn with him.Let him feel the pinch that you used to feel till now.I hope this will do a little bit.Tit For Tat!!
what for an expert! Just to tell you! Evil on Evil is going to crash in each other!!!!!!!!! That what is going to happen it's just that she is going to get addicted too someday!!!!
you have to fight the Evil with the Good!!!!!!!! Hate with Love!!!!!
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
Porn is not evil, people who judge people because their morals conflict are evil.
Happysoul
When you addressed this issue with him in the past, what was his side of the argument/discussion?
Us men are just more sexually driven (in general) that most women. Like I said before, I was with one of those women that was just as sexually freaky as I was and she loved porn, she never cheated on me or had an issue with the freakiest of my sexual exploits. Lord Satan, I miss her.
But anyway, there is nothing wrong with your man, he is a normal human male and is just trying to explore his sexuality, whatever that may be, it's not up to you or anyone else.
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me.
Carma, you're one messed up person. Your choices, your excuses, your blame. Nobody is cheering on a woman who stops having sex with her husband for no reason and you know it.
This man the original poster is talking about is NOT a normal man. He's a shade of a man. He had a lot of nerve marrying if this is the way he is goign to be... just like your wife.
I think you'd do anything to defend men at this point, whether it makes sense or not. Why don't you join a movement and surround yourself with other bitter people?
My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me. 
Re: My husband is addicted to Porn and won't have sex with me. 
