AliceIam

Wow, that seems really outrageous. I couldn't imagine my fiancee telling me that. I would suggest counseling or maybe asking him more about it, like: Why does he feel that way? Why does he want to stay with you?

kirablue

Hi again all. Thank you very much for all your responses. I have begun counseling, it has just started but I have already been told I am in a very abusive relationship. I am beginning to accept what is really happening, but, I am still in a type of shock. I am having a very hard time fully accepting that my husband does not care about me at all, I hear the words, I see the evidence, but it is quite hard for me to really "get it". So I guess I should say I am coming along but really at a snails pace, it is very, very hard for me. I have done as requested and stopped talking with him, we have spoken to each other about a total of 6 minutes in the past 8 days. He does not scream and yell at me when I do not speak, he just acts as if I do not exist at all. I know now, as I put in an earlier response, that his desire is every moment to pleasure himself, I have fallen out of that catagory of something that pleasures him, so to him I can see now that I do not exist. He believes now that everything is going very well because I have completely stopped talking to him, touching him, and looking at him. From past experince, if in any way I did again begin to try to talk with him or tell him this is all painful to me, he would look at me as if shocked and say, "I thought everything was going well". One counselor a few years back after talking with my husband, but only for a few hours, said that her tentative belief was that he is a malignant narcissist, a sociopath, and evil. I probably should have listened then, but being an eternal optomist, I kept hoping. This is so painful. I am so glad that this site is here. One asked if we have children, he has 2 from a previous marriage, as they are getting older, we see them less. He does treat them in a similar way but he makes more of an effort with them, although he has told me that he "has to do it". Thank you all. I am taking it day by day.

stav

I hope the therapy gives you the strength you need to escape from this horrific life. I can't imagine in a million years of trying what it must be like for you. It is lucky for you that you have no children to worry about. You can leave without that burden.

At the moment you are nothing more than this evil man's servant, and you deserve much more. He may not be beating you with a stick, but this is still abuse, worse than the physical kind, as bruises can heal, but the mental pain will always be with you.

I hope you manage to get away, I'll be thinking of you, as I am sure we all are, Please let us know how you are getting on.

swedish

Narcissists, by nature, do not have empathy for others. From what you've posted, that counselor was probably right. It is very rare that a narcissist will ever change their behavior as it doesn't coincide with the self-fulfillment they thrive on. I hope you have the support of family and friends to keep your spirits up and keep you believing in the good person you are. If your husband has manipulated you into thinking you are useless or not deserving of anything more than he has given you, please know that this is his sickness and nothing to do with who you are...don't let him drag you down. With his attitude and behavior, he has failed you. You have not failed & deserve to move on and be happy. Trying to fix anything with him will probably only be spinning your wheels and make you feel worse in the end. Leaving him will probably make him angry as he will no longer have control, but he will not learn from it. Good luck.