General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Should a person stay married to a sex addict? I have been married for a couple years and I am pretty sure my husband has a problem. What steps should I take and when is enough enough? Thanks for any advice.
I think we need a bit more info. What is it you call a sex problem?? I know a lot of men love sex. I personally would want it from my wife daily and I like porn but it doesn't interfere with my life. Just give us some more info..
Well i have posted several times about this and i hate to keep rattling on bout it, but mainly loving husband...i checked our list of purchases on directv and he purchased 8 porno's just in the month of august and has already purchased 5 in sept. i know he must feel bad about this and when i try to ask him about i dont want to embarrass him but he acts like he doesnt have a problem.
Also his whole life seems to revolve around sexual jokes, sexual references...etc. and i know he texts women in sexual ways, its been going on for a while, and really i just want to know what he can do for himself or what i can do for him, because honestly i think im getting ready to leave him, but i want him to get help.
I wouldn't call that an addiction. The interaction with other women though, that's disrespectful.
I went back and read about his phone sex with other women, etc. He has no respect for you. So leave him if you can't stand him like this. But get it out of your head that you want him to get help. That's not for you to decide. Once you leave, it is his life.
Sounds to me that this is more bargaining on your part. You've left 3 times and come back and he does the same things. Well, duh.
The next time you go, you'd better mean it. Or you're going to continue to get just what you've trained him to deliver. More of the same.
He's not the man for you. (Or me!) Leave, don't look back.
I wouldn't call that an addiction. The interaction with other women though, that's disrespectful.
I went back and read about his phone sex with other women, etc. He has no respect for you. So leave him if you can't stand him like this. But get it out of your head that you want him to get help. That's not for you to decide. Once you leave, it is his life.
Sounds to me that this is more bargaining on your part. You've left 3 times and come back and he does the same things. Well, duh.
The next time you go, you'd better mean it. Or you're going to continue to get just what you've trained him to deliver. More of the same.
He's not the man for you. (Or me!) Leave, don't look back.
She's already left him over this 3 times. What are the chances that 4th time is a charm? He's got no reason to change.
I am not a person who advocates leaving a man for his mistakes, but there are too many wrongs going on that you can see (let alone the ones you don't).
Put him out to pasture and trade him in for a newer model.
I personally don't think the porn is the problem its all the other stuff. Texting women about sex is just wrong. Especially if he has somebody who wants to be with him. He should have a little more respect for yor marriage and you. If you can't take it any more leave..
Even w/o the other stuff she might not like the porn, LH.
I guess she will have to let us know if thats a big problem or just another thing piled on.. I understand some women might feel insecure with their husband looking at it. My wife and I used it to get us turned on more. Though neither one of us have cheated..
I can imagine that with the other stuff he's done that porn would be a constant reminder of his interest in other women.
My husband and I don't use porn in this way, btw. It may prevent people from learning how to really open up to their partner if they need something like this to get them going. Since the mind is where it is at, this just clouds the mind. It doesn't make us closer to the other person.
Well, honestly this has been going on for so long that I dont really care anymore. It's like i dont like him doing these things, and we have discussed it, but he is still doing them and I know that and so does he. No I dont like the porn, and not only does it make me feel cheap and unimportant when we do make love, which usually creeps me out, but its also a very expensive habit.
I dont really have proof anymore that he is sexually texting any women anymore but I am sure that he is. I was reading somethngs on the internet about sexual addiction and I do want him to get help I would hate to think If i had this problem that someone wouldnt try and help me with it, you know.
How much more help does he need? You've told him it will cost him his marriage (but then failed to follow through). Maybe you're afraid to give him a real wakeup call. Maybe you get something out of being in this position. I don't know. But his problem is only your problem so long as you are married to him. And if he doesn't see it as a problem, what exactly are you going to do? Kidnap him and commit him to some Christian Right Rehab? He's a grown man making poor decisions and there isn't boo you can do about it.
So take care of yourself. That's all you have the power to do.
I really think you're making excuses not to leave, trying to play this "but I want him to get help" thing as a reason you can't truly go. If you go, then who will save him? WHO CARES? He doesn't want to be saved.
You're right dobo. Mainly I guess I am just scared to go, scared im making the wrong decisions and just scared in general. I am really bad at confrontations and I guess I dont know how to address the issue cuz I dont like to fight. I would just like to slip away.
Write him a letter. Tell him you've had enough. Leave.
You don't owe him more than that. It isn't as though you haven't gone through this before. He's well aware. And he'll try to get you to come back. Don't. He's lying. He won't change for you. So don't go back. You've seen what happens. You know how it goes.
Sex Addiction
