Is he cheating?? Or am I too paranoid??
Ok...this is my first post and I may get a little wordy, but please bare with me.
My husband and I have been together for 22 years this November and married for 14 years and we have two kids. Up until the end of last year, he was always touching me and kissing me and always wanted me and would always say "I can't believe after all these years, I still can't keep my hands off you!" Now, my problem is that there have been a lot of uneasy signs that he's seeing someone from work. He works ALOT of hours. And honestly if I call him at work he will answer unless in a meeting.
The reasons for my suspicions are as follows: At the beginning of the year, he suddenly changed. No longer wanted to talk to me, no longer wanted to have sex with me, no longer wanted to touch me in any way shape or form, no longer wanted to hold my hand, no longer held me at night. And always claimed he didnít know what was wrong! Then we went to an amusement park (he got tickets from work). Met up with this woman and her family from work (but the kids went off on their own). Suddenly, he was wanting me to take my son on a ride, which would have left them alone. I told him "that's okay", and irritated he said just go take him on the ride over there and I said with a firmness in my voice and glancing at her "THAT'S OKAY". That day, I tried to hold his hand a few times and he would pull away and put his had in his pocket. The last time attempted to hold his hand I actually caught him turning his head and rolled his eyes. I said you know what forget it! AND HE GOT MAD AT ME!!!! Pushing my daughter to be friends with her daughter after that day (She has enough friends - even my dd was like, what??). Getting mad at me when the other day I was going with him to his office and he got mad and told me to stay outside to look at flowers. When he was coming out and saw us (me and my son) in the truck he said I just tried calling you and I said no you didnít my phone didnít ring, he said Oh, I called the house by mistake. No he didn't, I checked the caller ID when we got home, he didnít call. I said to him one day that I felt like he was having his cake and eating it too and his reply was, ďbut I like cakeĒ. A friend of his (male) needed my husband to book a room for him because he didnít have a credit card. I think I believe him on that one because I know he's got alot of financfial problems, but still not sure. And my personal favorite! Taking his blackberry as a joke and he got mad at me and when I read the first e-mail, it was from of course, the co worker from the park. And it said ďI always enjoy it, but today was different.Ē! Now you need to know that this particular day, was a scheduled day off and he had to go in for coverage for the first couple of hours (he left by 3:30 am and was home by 6:30 - earlier than expected). I even set my alarm for 6:30 so I could call him at work to see if was there, but he was already home. Now if he did go to the work, his trip is an hour each way. His explanation about the e-mail was some @#$%^ about some computer reconstruction that never goes right! Is he kidding?? Even my bf thinks heís cheating on me. On that day, I broke down in the driveway, I was shaking terribly and SUDDENLY he began to care. ďOh honey, no! Stop it, itís all fine, thereís nothing going onĒ so "sincere" as he cupped my face in his hands and looking me dead in the eyes. We have been together 22 years, that is the first time heís ever done that, trying to be so ďsincereĒ. I know itís bologna, because all he showed me was that he was trying too hard. Needless to say about a minute later, he was keeled over in the driveway, feeling the need to throw up. Guilt??
Then another fave of mine is, he needed to get a prescription of Viagra because of his difficulties and we had sex this one night and it was the best sex we'd had in almost a year. But I didn't think anything of it until the next morning. So I remembered the Viagra and started searching. Nothing in the medicine cabinet. So I went through his laptop case and BINGO! I found the Viagra sample pack and also found that there were 2 missing (really 3, because he took one the night before). When I asked him if he took anything the night before he said no and I looked at him, blood boiling and said seriously?? And then he said no, I took one. My reply was I know and where did the other 2 go!! He said the Dr. told him to try them first, it may not work the first or second time and he went to great lengths to prove that to me. Went on line and found the info and showed it to me. I kind of believe him on that one, but I still have my suspicions. And no, he didn't get mad at me for going through his things. He says he didn't tell me because I was nervous about him taking them with the side effects and all that he didn't want me to worry. And he doesnít see anything wrong with any of this. He thinks itís all normal. NOT NORMAL! And on top of all of this, heís helping her with her drug addict son! And mother of the year goes to...! A little too personally involved if you ask me. When I have an issue or a problem, in true dh tradition, he turns the situation back on me to make me feel itís my fault in the first place. With some of these things that I just mentioned he understood why my mind went where it did and said "I would feel the same exact way", but now that this all still bothering me, he's getting madder and madder. Am I blowing things out of proportion and being too paranoid, or is there any truth to what my gut is telling me? But I just can't let this go. My gut is telling me something is going on and the worst part about all of this is, I canít prove a thing. I donít have access to his computer nor his blackberry (they are company issued). And he knows I wonít drive the distance to his job. Itís the easiest thing for him and he knows it. I told him last week that I loved him more now than I did when we got married and I asked him if he loved me more now than he did then and his answer was no, I love you the same. After I took care of him the way I did when he had his two back surgeries and just the way I take care of him daily, you would think that would be the clincher. If he up to something, he will never admit it, so do I continue to be the sucker?? Without concrete proof, what else do I have?? Besides a husband who's having his cake and eating it too.
Even my son has said a couple times, ďI bet daddy has a girlfriend and heís cheating on you.Ē Thatís nice coming from my 8 year old son.
All of the ways Iíd be able to catch him IF he is doing something are not accessible to me. I donít know what else to do! I feel so trapped. So lost. So confused! And certainly so hurt! All I want is my marriage back. Do I just get used it? Do I try to make him fall in love with me again?
I'm so sorry this is so long, but I really need help. He keeps saying things are fine and that's there's no problem. Do I just go on pretending that things are "fine"? I'm a good wife (not suggesting that I'm perfect, far from) but Iím kind, Iím attentive, Iím caring, Iím loving. Maybe Iím too much of these things, overkillÖI donít know any other way to be. Am I pushing him away?
Funny, while I was typing this, he called. He didn't come home last night because he has the big boss coming in today and he was at work late and had to be in early. So I asked him if he missed me, he jokingly said "no" (that's his humor, we're both like that) and I said I'm asking, he said "of course I miss you". He even suggested doing a date night tonight (he's off for the next 3 days).
One more thing I want to add so you have all the info to make an informed decision. He NEVER goes out! Doesn't hang out with friends. Doesn't go to bars, none of that. Neither do I. He's always home when he says he's going to be. I can call him at work and he's there. Nothing funny on the credit cards. I handle all of the money, and nothing is missing or suspicious there. We use Mac card for everything so I know where's he spending.
This is all why I'm so confused. HELP ME! Again, sorry so long!