Do not know where i stand i guess....
I am very confused with my significant other... I messed up really bad 3-4 weeks ago. So bad did i mess up i went to get help for alcohol. I have stopped drinking 22 days ago and the help is great should have done it long ago but better late then never right?
Well, when i messed up she left me with our 2 lilttle girls. After a week and she seen i had went for help she came home. I have now stopped totally drinking and am done for good no more of it. My temper has gone down tremendously, attitude, feelings, emotions all have come down from the last 6 years.
I am finally over my insecurity of this other guy that my wife cheated on me 5 years ago with and even though he came around in july, i started to not trust her and what not cause she lied to my face about the incident. But i see differently now and am over it.
With this all said, here is where i am confused... I know i messed up and it will take time for things to get better, believe me i understand this now..... But what is killing me is I do not know where i stand with her. She hardly will talk to me about us, which makes me feel either
A.things are better then i think which is why she is always like what do you want to talk about now and when i say us she
gets kinda mad at me.
B. She doesnt know herself and she is seeing if i really do stop my B.S. and then see if things will work out.
What has happened is this, i saw an email her friend sent her saying something that is boggling my mind. The email stated
" the other night you had said even though you do not love him, which both me and you know is not true cause you would have left him a long time ago. Right now he is a drunken mad man, you need the man that you fell in love with and married back not the drunk he has become. Since he is getting help is a very good thing shows he finally knows he needs it which will help him get back to his old self the guy you married and need."
Well, i know if she did say she does not even love me it was because the fight we got into and i know she told her friend this the day after so she was totally ticked off at me.
But when i confronted her about this, i did not tell her i saw the email. I tried to use the same words she used, i said to her "do you even love me", would you say something about me or us that you might not have meant to say but since you were ticked you might have said it out of anger? she said yes. But when she answered me about the love question, she used the same words her friend used in the email, "if i did not love you i would have left along time ago but i am back right? So then i said well i feel horrible about my drinking and want to become the guy you once loved and married you need him back and not the drunk. She said exactly.
But when i try to talk about us she gets mad and doesnt want to talk to me and it kills me. Communication is to be the number 1 reason for a relationship to work but yet it is like pulling teeth with her. I feel like the old saying goes "it is easier to keep her then to leave her" except its easier to keep me then to leave me".
When i had asked her if she is sure she wants to be with me, if she wants this to end, she said no but seemed like she wanted to say something cause she kinda had a little watery eye.
The thing about her is she is not very affectionate, caring, romantic, nor sexual. I asked her if i change or am being nice if she will as well she says yes but yet i see nothing. I always have to say i love you, hug her, kiss on the lips, cuddle. She will use me for things like getting her a snack, clean up, take the garbage out, put the food away, get her a beverage, fold clothes stuff like that but i get nothing. She says all i care about is sex, i love it but that is cause it is so rare to happen. since the fight we still have not had make up sex. i know it will take time but Damn you think she would start to open up by now since it almost is 4 weeks.
I know she is worried that i will relapse or go back if she lets her guard down but i know this is my last chance with her and i wont mess it up cause i do not want us to get a divorce.
I asked her to go out to a nice dinner this past saturday she said i do not know, i asked to go out to a club she said no. I said okay then but dont say i do not want to do things. But yet her friend texted her asking for them to go out in the city soon. I kinda got mad cause she wont do anything with me but she will go run with her friend to the club, so if she says she is i will say good cause me and a buddy the next night are going to a strip club..... lol
I kinda feel like she is waiting for me to figure out this is not gonna work or is gonna take a long time but without her saying anything i feel insecure and dont want to annoy her or get up her butt.
I think it sucks cause she says she loves me but doesnt show it, which makes me say to her your actions do not show me what you are telling me. she is not a morning person neither which is fine but i do not get a good morning or a good morning kiss, nor a good night or goodnight kiss. i have to say or do that.... What is anyones take on this????? What can i do to make her go WOW????
I know we need marriage counselling but i am seeing a pysch now and want to finish that first.........