I didnt deserve this.....I think?

Bozo · 09-23-2009, 11:50 PM

My wife broke my heart the other night. Let me give a little background first. We have been married almost five years. As with almost every relationship we also have had our ups and downs. We have two wonderful girls, ages one and two. I do realize I am very out numbered in this family.

I will admit it is pretty hectic around our house most of the time. I work and my wife is a SAHM. I am not the most romantic person in this world. But I do like to make my wife feel appriciated when I can. I noticed lately she has been on edge with the kids and with me. Words and actions say alot. I figured the stress of raising two kids so close in age was getting to her. To be honest I really do not know how she does it. I have watched the kids by myself and they will almost drive you to insanity. But they are a whole lot of fun. My wife hardly has any time to herself, and when she does, she usually is on the internet talking to her friends, or relaxing in front of the TV.

The other night I wanted to do something special for her. I wanted her to relax and not have to worry about a thing. I decided to run her a bath. I went as far as lighting candles and picking up chocolate covered strawberries. I really wanted her to enjoy her night. I escorted her into the bathroom and she was very suprised. I told her to enjoy herself, take as much time as she needed. Her response to that took me off guard. She said: Thanks, but I really wanted to play my computer game. It hurt me to hear her say that. I then told her if she wanted to play her game than go ahead. She felt guilty and took a bath anyways.

I try to make her feel special, and this is what I get. Am I overreacting to the whole situation? Or should I just let it go? Is there anything I should have done diffrently? Any input would be great.

TNgirl232 · 09-24-2009, 12:02 AM

Is taking a relaxing bath something she normally enjoys?

I give you kudos for doing this for her!!! I just wonder if it isn't something she normally enjoys it may be why she didn't react as expected. I would of been ecstatic - but then I could spend hours in the tub reading every single night

. Either way I think she should of taking the gift in the manner it was given...but sometimes we loose our tact

. I would sit her down and talk to her about how it made you feel. Ask her what she would of enjoyed as a romantic gesture instead so that you have a list to pull from. Communication is the best thing for your marriage and I think if you don't talk about it then you might let it fester and feed until you are thinking - see if I do anything nice for her again - she'll regret treating me like that....kind of thing....

Blanca · 09-24-2009, 12:08 AM

i can really empathize with how you feel. i know that hurts when you try and do something nice and the other person doesnt really want it. Ive had it happen to me. but ive also been on the other end- my H will try and do something nice for me and id rather do something else....like marriage forums. lol.

maybe you and your wife need to connect again? it sounds like there's a lot of distance between you two and maybe that is what sparked the hurt. maybe you feel unappreciated in general.

angryandfrustrated · 09-24-2009, 01:19 AM

I agree that what you did was incredibly sweet. Personally I would hate to take the bath though. Short answer is yes you are over reacting. You arent alone though I do it too. I try to do something special for my husband only to find out he didnt want it and what I thought would be this great moment of bliss for him is just a let down for me. The only way out of the disappointment is to not expect that what you are doing is going to get the reaction that you (and I) hope it will.

I am with Blanca there is definitely more going on in your relationship, are you maybe taking her being on edge personally? I am asking because that is something that I do, which causes an even bigger let down when I really try to make my husband happy. I am wondering too, if your wife is getting enough sleep? This seems silly but it could be causing some of her crankiness.

Loving Husband · 09-24-2009, 07:42 AM

Sounds like she might be going through depression. All her actions are showing it. unmotivated and going through the motions.. This has to be hard dealing with 2 kids all day and night. I agree a get away is in order. My wife is so depressed I tried that and she says why bother I just have to come back to this in a few days. Not even seeing the bright spot of getting away. See how she reacts. I might be wrong but I bet she has simular views on this. I would have a good heart to heart talk after kids in bed and get to the root.. Asking questions will only help..