General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Im new and want to say hi to all here looking for answers, and adice. Its good to know there is people out there that would understand u.
Ok so here is my situation: im 25 my SO is 31. We have a 4 yr old son. We've been together for 7 years and living together for 5 years. I am more of the breadwinner and the more driven one, and he is not so much.
I feel like i want to move on, but i feel like maybe its becuz im still young and have been with literally a hand full of men in my life. I feel like we have grown up to be different people in certain departments like sex, communication, and fun. If i was to take away the times we spend taking care of responsbilities, and our son, we dont even spend time alone, we have sex maybe one every 2 weeks and financially im sick of always being the back bone. I travel the majority of the times alone with gf's and have grown to like it that way. I can afford to do things and have gotten real tired of being the one that has to come out of pocket when something needs to get done or we just wanna do something fun. I think we do a great job raising our son together as a team, and hes very domesticated and so am i but i dont like to cook and he does. So i can say we have our good and we have our bad like anyone in a long term relationship(which for me is a marriage) but.....yes here comes the but! But, i am upset that we dont have enough sex and this has been the issue for me for years now. I have a problem with the fact that i offically have lost connection with him so even when we do have sex, its very go in and get yours and then roll over and go to sleep. We barely ever kiss and honestly there isnt any romance. He seems to be content with the relationship and wants to work things our and doesnt want me to go but I feel traped, i feel not wanted phyiscally and i just dont to repeat my mothers life story, which is being with someone that could never better himself or the family and she had to be the brain of the operation!
So i guess what im asking is do i leave or do i continue to try. Mind u we tried counseling for a little but since he was being an ass about it we didnt continue to go..., and we have been having problems like this for at lest 3 years now. We always go back to the same issues and im tired of sounding like a broken record and nagging about the same things. Are we still meant for each other????
Well I am not sure why he's not interested in sex. Did you guys have a great sex life before?? Did it all of a sudden stop??? You have to think of your kid first and foremost. Is the issues to great to walk away and have a strugling life for everybody?? I can't believe a guy would not want sex more then once every 2 weeks unless he could be going some where else?? I am trying to find out more of what's going on..
What is your best guess why he doesn't want sex and romance? is he gaming too much? porn? unskilled at sex and low confidence? low libido (health reasons) what could the reason(s) be?
Are you sure you don't just want to go out for more experiences and looking for a way out? I mean you could meet someone and get married and 5 years from now come on this board with the same complaint. Until you provide more info and look into it deeper and try to solve the issues, you would only be throwing your four year old into confusion and insecurity for nothing.
When we met he knew i was a very sexual person. We used to go at it everyday. Our sex life was the healthiest sex relationship i ever had, and then when financial issues came along it was like it just started to slow down and then i started to think it was me. for a very long time and even till now i still kind of feel like maybe hes just not into me anymore. I work out and i watch what i eat to make sure i look good.
Then i started complaining to him i wasnt getting enough and then i guess i would nag more and more, so what he says is that he was stressed out about the money issue, becuase he wasnt being the man of the house and that me nagging only made it worse. so i then realized maybe i take the want into him approaching me becuz im nagging to much so i stop and wait until hes ready to approach me, but then it just went back to less sex. I am constantly expressing my feelings about how i need to be sexually active or else im not a happy.
I mean there was a weekend i demanded we go away for and it just be me and him so we could spend alone time. so we go and the night before we had to leave i get this sexy outfit and i get all dolled up and then BOOM hes sleeping. i try to wake him up and nothing. i was so pissed off, i went to bed with the outfit so that way when he woke up he could see i was dressed up! i didnt talk to him the whole way back.That was my breaking point that i have had it with him.
I love my son and i grew up in a family with my parents looked like they were better off seperating but they worked it out and stood together for the kids. i want more kids and i have this thing where i would perferr to have them with the same man. not that there is anything with moving on and having kids with someone else but he's a great father to our son, and i would like to have more kids down the line. He know talks about how he doesnt want anymore kids, and that is just another damper on why we shouldnt be together. honestly i think if it wasnt for our son i would of left a long time ago, but i know a relationship takes a lot of work and dedication but im at my ends now. i have done the therapy as a couple as individually, the spicing up the relationship, the talking, the not doing anything, and it just always goes back to me not being happy. i would love for us to be happy. I guess because im comfortable as well but then i want and need more.
Well what can you do about the money situation?? Lower bills to make it easier. I don't know the exact problem but hes wrong for allowing the best parts of marriage to be ignored. I loving and willing partner. Once again as I posted with Dobo I don't understand these guys not wanting it. I know I amnot them but I don't care what my wife looks like. I feed off her desire for me.. That's by far more important then the way she looks.. Good luck I wish my wife did a FRACTION of what you have done. Keep the faith and work..
Yea i dont get it either. Honestly I remember my preious relationships and i talk to some of my guy friends and they dont understand either. i mean if u not giving it to me then who are you doing it with? Becuz even after 7 years i still am good to go everyday or atleast every other day. How am i suppose to feel if i go all out to approach u and then u give me the im tired, or im full excuses. It just really broke me down after a very long time. It made me feel not attractive, and like it was me and not him. Like i was doing something wrong with me.
Yea i dont get it either. Honestly I remember my preious relationships and i talk to some of my guy friends and they dont understand either. i mean if u not giving it to me then who are you doing it with? Becuz even after 7 years i still am good to go everyday or atleast every other day. How am i suppose to feel if i go all out to approach u and then u give me the im tired, or im full excuses. It just really broke me down after a very long time. It made me feel not attractive, and like it was me and not him. Like i was doing something wrong with me.
I agree 100% rejection is hard. I have had to deal with it in my marriage a lot. My needs a lot higher then wife's cause of her issues and I felt like I was begging all the time to get something from her. Your husband is a very lucky man. Want me to slap him around a bit.
Well, if he is a great father to your son, then there is your answer.
Sometimes life isn't about you and your other. It is about what best prepares your child for life, security, and success.
Your child has no decision in this matter, so you must do what is right for your son.
You are better off having children with the same man than heading off and having children with a variety of men. That just will give you a whole host of new issues and problems.
I think the answer is within you, not your man. Your issue is that you resent being the one responsible financially. If my man were good at home and with kids, I'd shoot for the moon career wise, have more babies, and be happy.
Once you get your resentment gone, you will have more sex.
i can agree yes i do resent him for making me the one that holds things down at home. I mean i come from a home where my mother is the breadwinner and my father was the one with a shopping addiction. My father has never been able to pay for my sister or my college funds, my mother did. My mother paid for the two houses they have had. my mother has always had the better credit, and cash flow. Unlike my mother my father has put us in debt over 50K because of excessive shopping which was never for any of us. it was always for his family out the country and for himself. And i dont want to repeat that story. i want my SO to be able to hold it down God forbid i am a in jam...but i cant. if he cant be my back bone then i might as well plan ahead on my own.
As for the sex, im starting to think maybe i should go find a side guy that can please me in that department. maybe then when im sexually satisfied then i wont nag anymore and he doesnt have to give it to me as much, since im so bad i guess.
And in regards to me staying with him because of my son, i guess i dont think i should be miserable for the rest of my life but then it is a sacrifice im willing to make i guess till the wheels fall off and then i cant take it anymore. .....
i mean is it worth sticking around if u feel like roommates?
I agree 100% rejection is hard. I have had to deal with it in my marriage a lot. My needs a lot higher then wife's cause of her issues and I felt like I was begging all the time to get something from her. Your husband is a very lucky man. Want me to slap him around a bit.
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As for the sex, im starting to think maybe i should go find a side guy that can please me in that department. maybe then when im sexually satisfied then i wont nag anymore and he doesnt have to give it to me as much, since im so bad i guess.
And in regards to me staying with him because of my son, i guess i dont think i should be miserable for the rest of my life but then it is a sacrifice im willing to make i guess till the wheels fall off and then i cant take it anymore. .....
i mean is it worth sticking around if u feel like roommates?
With the guy on the side it might cause more problems especially if he is at all jealous and finds out. Plus you have no idea of how you will feel after. Most of the times people have regrets. I don't think anybody should be miserable. My wife used that statement to me. Stay and be miserable. Yet being happy shouldn't be on your partners head. You need to be happy on your own and in the marriage. What's stopping you from being happy?? You can't look to your husband to fill it. He can make it better but focusing on him to do it means only disappointment..
With the guy on the side it might cause more problems especially if he is at all jealous and finds out. Plus you have no idea of how you will feel after. Most of the times people have regrets. I don't think anybody should be miserable. My wife used that statement to me. Stay and be miserable. Yet being happy shouldn't be on your partners head. You need to be happy on your own and in the marriage. What's stopping you from being happy?? You can't look to your husband to fill it. He can make it better but focusing on him to do it means only disappointment..
Your right, looking for happiness from someone else to fulfill that is only looking forward to disappointment. I am a independent woman that is very driven and sociable. I know what i like, what i want and what im willing to try. I think im a great catch. I guess i demand a lot becuase i know my worth. I have not changed much from who he met, and what i believe has happened is that we have been together since i was 20 and him 24. we are not 25 and 31. we have grown up to be different ppl in certain aspects and i believe anyone is at fault for that. its just life taking its course. i dont want him to change who he is for me, because then thats just being fake. i refuse to be someone else because it fits the picture.
So i have decided recently that i cant wait around for him to make me happy. so i go on vacations with friends because i personally can afford it. I am saving up, finishing up paying my car loan, bettering my credit so i can buy a house within 2 yrs from now, and those are my goals. If i have to achieve them without him then it is what it is.
Im not gonna lie, i have cheated before with someone from my past. I did it for a summer and then started to feel bad. Like why cant my man just have sex with me? why must i have to cheat. so i stopped and tried again with my SO but nothing changed. Yes i feel bad afterwards, but i also have needs. He should love that im so open minded and always concerned about keeping our love life updated. fresh.
One foot out the door... 
