js83

Some of you may have followed my post I made about a month ago. It can be found here.

It has been almost a month since I have talked to her in person. We have communicated via text message, email, and phone though, but for the most part our discussions have not really been productive. Last week however, we had a discussion on Google chat in gmail that lasted over an hour, alot was said, and I was able to get alot off my chest and I feel I explained where I am coming from on my end. Unfortunately, on her end it just seemed that she didn't get the picture that I am done and that I don't want to get back into this relationship regardless of what she says... She says things like "we were/are meant to be together", "you can fall back in love with me", and "we can make things work together" even though I don't want anything to do with it anymore. I am burnt out.

She is going to be at my place tonight when I get home from work because she wants to talk to me face to face and confront me about a bunch of things. I know much of how she feels and am pretty sure I know what sort of things she is going to want to talk about... She feels that I have treated her badly, been unfair to her in this whole ordeal, and she feels that me "giving up" on the relationship is a cop out and that we need to work on things to fix it all no matter what. She just doesn't seem to be getting the fact that I want out of this and have made up my mind...

So when she comes tonight, its just going to be her and her mom, and her mom is going to stay out of it as they are already clear on me not having any intention of discussing things with her parents. I am planning on sitting out on our front porch and just listen to what she has to say, trying to say as little as I can and keep my end of the discussion as quick and to the point as possible. Hopefully things don't become too emotional...

I really am unsure as to how I should handle things though. I know she will bring up the whole spiel on how she feels betrayed, blindsided, hurt, wants to be with me forever, work on this, etc. I feel I need to listen to her so she can get things off her chest. I just don't really know how I should respond and what I should say, if anything...

Any insight or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.. our meetup is about 4 hours away

dobo

I read the thread and while I agree that she needs to make some changes, do you really think being married such a short time and throwing in the towel is the right thign to do? Why did you bother getting married if this is all you're willing to put into it?

Have her get a job before you move back in together.

Don't include her mother in this discussion. She shouldn't even be there. It is none of her business.

But don't give up on her yet. You said forever and you couldn't give her 2 years?

What help has she gotten in terms of counseling or therapy or psychiatric evaluations? Have the two of you seen anyone? What exactly have you two done to make things right other than you complain and she sticks her head in the sand?

swedish

I would not make any drastic moves to divorce at this point. You can be honest and tell her you do not want to give her false hope, but that you will agree to keep things at a separated state for a while.

If she talks about things she is planning to do to change, like get a job, etc. be positive and supportive and let her know that it's important she does these things because she is ready to and wants to.

Believe

I read through the thread. I am curious to know what her learning disability is and if she has ever been diagnosed with depression? I want you to really think about what it was about her that you loved so much you wanted to marry her for life? Sometimes it helps to think about all the good stuff.

foolz1

I guess I have more questions than answers.

I wouldn't agree to anything and this is why: She apparently has a strong need for control...anyway, I see her actions as passive/aggressive. However, it is up to you, whether you want to deal with it, or not.

Why are you agreeing to this meeting, if you are "done?" Do you feel there is any reason to continue with this relationship? How do you think you would feel about your wife as a stranger would, knowing what you know about her now?

Corpuswife

Hear her out. Tell her she already knows your reasons for wanting out.

Then, ask her what changes has she made since you guys have separated? If none or little...you've made your point.

However, if she has made great strides...perhaps "seeing" each other again or counseling and maintaining separate households until you are absolutely sure. I know, at this point, you are done. However, you are in a marriage and made that commitment. You need to do some real soul searching and exhaust all options before you walk away.

By the way...if you EVER have sex with her again...wear a condom. Women, in desperation, have been known to get pregnant on the sly! Sorry...I had to throw it out there!!

Calypso

I would listen to what she says then tell her how you feel. Let her know if there is no chance of you getting back together. Keep the talk honest and up front. How did your talk go did you get it worked out?