Please take the kid!!! (for the night)

Just a Man · 09-29-2009, 09:58 PM

Hi.
Wifey and I have been together for about 30 years, and married for 22 now. We tried and tried and tried for years without any kids. We tossed allot of money at the invetro thing with nothing but bills to show. We eventually turned to adoption, and 6 years ago we were blessed with a fantastic, 2 hour old baby girl! I still get chills remembering it! We were both 41 years old.
Life has run it's course, with diapers, day care, JK, SK, and now grade one. All is good except wifey and me. We have not been intimate for about a year now! The problem is no time together. Most new parents have parents to take the kids for the weekend, or at least the night! We have limited resources, and even worse wifey is such a worrier, that she will not tolerate anyone taking care of our girl. We are drifting further apart everyday, and I really need to throw a line to her.
How can I get her to agree to giving up control for a weekend, and getting down!!

I hope there is dear Abby or someone out there!

J.A.M.

angryandfrustrated · 09-29-2009, 10:29 PM

Wow, I dont think that just having a six year old is a reason to not be sexually active for a year. If that were the case there would be many fewer children in our world

Anyway, I can understand your wife's worry about leaving your daughter, but I am surprised that you dont even have friends that you are close enough to. It seems that there should be a reasonable solution, who do you have around you? If no one can be found would it be possible for you to spend some quality time after your princess goes to bed? There is definitely more going on here than just being busy. Are you identifying any more areas that it seems situations get tense? Bottom line for me is people dont not have sex for a year because they couldnt catch a minute, that plus your comment about drifting away says to me that there is a problem that we need to find. Any ideas?

chuckf75 · 09-29-2009, 10:36 PM

We have 5 kids right now of various ages in the house and make love about 6 times a week on average. This is no excuse and for sure a lack of sex will lead to drifting apart. I watched this happen to a friend of mine. You need to talk about this issue badly! You will find if you start having more sex it will become more important to you and I bet you will get closer.

hideandseek · 09-29-2009, 11:47 PM

There is more going on here than the child. Your wife is now in her late 40s and may be going through peri-menopause when her hormone levels are dropping off and thus her sex drive with it. She needs to go see her ob/gyn and have a thorough check-up including her hormone levels. Estrogen can be restored by drinking soy, if that's the case.

In my opinion, the child is just an excuse. She may not even realize this is happening to her.

I'd start with a physical and then go from there. If everything is okay, then therapy would be my next move.

swedish · 09-30-2009, 01:23 PM

If she will not have anyone else watch your daughter, sounds like you may need to ease into this gradually....can you meet during the day when your daughter is in school? Does your daughter sleep in her own bedroom? Does she have a reasonable bed time?

Think of ways to carve a few hours a day for alone time for the two of you so you can at least start reconnecting as husband and wife...it's easy to let the mom & dad roles totally take over if you are not careful.

Also, did her sex drive go down after trying to get pregnant for so long? I would imagine those were difficult & disappointing years in that regard...she may need to be reaquainted with the 'fun' part of sex.

Mommybean · 09-30-2009, 01:31 PM

My H and I have 2 boys, ages 2 and 4. We live more than 500 miles away from ANY family, and do not use sitters or daycare. We have TWO friends that we trust to look after our boys, and they do so maybe once or twice a YEAR. We find time to be connected with each other once the boys are in bed, or even during our daily routines, thru phone calls and txt messages. We have sex on an average of 6 or more times a week. You guys need to talk. I don't think your daughter is the source of the problem. The hormones could have done a number on her, there is menoupause or pre-menopause to consider, and also, there may be some psychological ramifications from not being able to conceive that are weighing on her mind. You both need to sit down and have an open and honest talk about whats going on.

Loving Husband · 09-30-2009, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mommybean

My H and I have 2 boys, ages 2 and 4. We live more than 500 miles away from ANY family, and do not use sitters or daycare. We have TWO friends that we trust to look after our boys, and they do so maybe once or twice a YEAR. We find time to be connected with each other once the boys are in bed, or even during our daily routines, thru phone calls and txt messages. We have sex on an average of 6 or more times a week. You guys need to talk. I don't think your daughter is the source of the problem. The hormones could have done a number on her, there is menoupause or pre-menopause to consider, and also, there may be some psychological ramifications from not being able to conceive that are weighing on her mind. You both need to sit down and have an open and honest talk about whats going on.

God bless you.. I was lucky to get it 6 times a month in decent times.

I felt like the nag and it was all about her..