General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I cant take it anymore. I am 6 months pregnant and I take care of my 2 year old son, I work 3 days a week and take care of all the chores around the house except for cutting the grass. My husband works 7-3 M-F plays hockey on Sunday nights for fun. Drinks every night atleast 6 beers for fun. Watches every kind of sport for fun (in another room from my son and I) almost every night.
We are fighting right now because I believe he is being insensitive to my needs and he thinks I am being an overbearing overemotional pregnant *****. I feel like I pick up after my son and him constantly. We dont have a dishwasher so I do dishes at least 10 times a day without any offers from him. I climb the stairs and do laundry every day without any offers of help from him. I am so angry because he doesnt offer to do anything extra to help me now that I am pregnant.
Not once has he offered to give me a back rub, make dinner, give me flowers, nothing.
Should I give up is this a lost cause? I feel like he does not care about my needs. I feel like taking care of my son and I only and leave him to his dirty clothes and sloppiness. He knows I like being organized and keeping a clean house and I swear he makes little messes for me just to piss me off. I dont know how much I can take and now I can only think how much worse its going to be when the baby is born. Please I need some advice. Am I being OCD or does he need to step it up?
I am sorry to hear about your situation, as it is all too common to hear this. It may not be fair, and I am sure it is very discouraging, especially during your pregnancy.
Regardless of what is going on though, you need to put you and your children first, as your husband appears selfish and thoughtless concerning your marital issues.
I know exactly what you are talking about. If you can add ... chopping wood for the fire, tending animals, shoveling snow, you have my story.
On the flip side, even though he is being a jerk right now, do you really want to be all alone with your kids, trying to work ALL the time so you can support yourself, take care of the kids and STILL be doing all the things you are doing now.
I would encourage you to think of all the things he DOES do that YOU would have to do if you were all alone, and weigh the balances carefully.
I can tell you from experience it helps a lot if you can find a way to be cheerful, put on a smile, and create an atmosphere around you that draws people to you instead of the opposite.
I am not trying to be hard, hon, just pointing out the hard reality of life!
Hugs to you. I know how hard it is to be pregnant, and have a baby to tend to and a house to clean. Maybe you can calmly tell him that he needs to pick up the slack. Try saying something like, "Honey I really appreciate you going to work, but I could really use your help right now." With the baby getting bigger, you need to think of yourself and your baby. All that stress can cause preterm labor. If that doesn't work, do you have family that can help you? Hugs again. Take it easy.
I agree with 20yrs. You need to change your attitude now before you become way too resentful. I am not saying it is your fault by no means. If you start looking at only positive stuff no matter how small they mean seem, then you will start noticing more good things. If you praise your husband everytime he does something, anything, he will start wanting to help cause he will feel better about it. Be super nice, it will draw him closer to you. Right now I am sure he feels your resentment and is probably keeping his distance. If you need help with something ask him very nicely to help you. I learned all this stuff too late. I am now alone with 2 small children trust me it sucks even more.
Thank you to all that responded. We are now not speaking a word to each other and it seems very childish. I guess I just dont want to cave in and let him win. I want him to realize I am not his maid. I am on the other hand trying to realize all that he does for me and my son and what it would be like with out him around but he also needs to try to be more considerate of me being 6 months pregnant. I want him to want to help me I shouldnt have to ask.
He's not a mind reader, and neither are you. If you need help, ask him (not angrily) to help you. If you have a list of things in your head that you need help with, but you never tell him what they are, then HOW is he supposed to know? You guys need to quit giving each other the silent treatment and sit down and have a CALM talk. If it gets heated, end the conversation.
If you asked him - what is the short list of things your wife could do differently that would really make you a lot happier?
What would he say?
By the way I agree you are the injured party here. He is being a selfish jerk. I am only asking because if there are some things that he really cares about/wants - well maybe you can try to find a way to both make each other happier. I realize you shouldn't have to do anythng at this point - trust me I do. Still it would be better to work this out.
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Originally Posted by sickofhim
Thank you to all that responded. We are now not speaking a word to each other and it seems very childish. I guess I just dont want to cave in and let him win. I want him to realize I am not his maid. I am on the other hand trying to realize all that he does for me and my son and what it would be like with out him around but he also needs to try to be more considerate of me being 6 months pregnant. I want him to want to help me I shouldnt have to ask.
I agree, it is a bit childish to not be speaking. And although I understand totally how you feel, the longer you go without speaking, the harder it is to break the silence.
I would suggest being brutally honest with him about how you feel, in a KIND manner. It will not help you to come across as whining and resentful as it will only make him clam up more, but if you can honestly WANT things to change on BOTH of your sides, then you will be able to start talking with him.
Start with apologizing if that helps you get started.... just don't wait too long!
is a must......kindness rules, tell him with a pleasant attitude what you need. Men respond to kindness from their spouse.
Men DO NOT respond to nagging, complaining and the silent treatment. We will just turn you off, do you blame us?
Agreed, he should help you more with the family and chores. Regarding all your concerns you will need to come to an agreement as soon as possible to move forward in a healthy manner. Good luck!
Stand your ground though...do what is necessary for you and your childrens health...he's a grown man. Maybe he needs to wear a few dirty clothes before he realizes that he needs to treat you with some respect.
Pregnancy is hard...if you have any time/energy...do something for yourself.
I am on the other hand trying to realize all that he does for me and my son and what it would be like with out him around but he also needs to try to be more considerate of me being 6 months pregnant. I want him to want to help me I shouldnt have to ask.
I know what you mean. i get so tired of asking my h to do things around the place. Ive told him a million times. but something to consider is, if you ask him to do it, does he do it? it might be annoying to have to ask, but if he does what you ask, then that's something. my h will do it if i ask, so im trying to focus more on what he does do, and less on the negative.
and something else to consider is maybe you feel like he just doesnt care about you. maybe you get tired of asking because you feel like you are basically asking him to care about you. so it hurts you because you take it that he doesnt care about you.
we cant get along anymore 
Re: we cant get along anymore 
