General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
i have been with my husband since i was 17. im 24 now and we have a 4 year old son. two months ago we bought a new house and life was great. i thought. then he told me he was addicted to pain pills, great, now what? then 3 days after we move in to the house, he gets suspended from work for 30 days. now its up to me to keep everything up-to-date with the bills, dr. visits, and pay for his treatment.
i know that he has alot going on physically and emotionally, but now where do i stand in the marriage? everything that we do depends on his moods. everything is what he says, what he wants, what he needs, how he feels. meanwhile i am the one paying for everything, doing everything, taking care of him.
he wont talk to me and he deffinately wont listen to me. and its not just that he is in treatment, its been for the past 2 years. he has completely shut me out of his life and then wants me to take care of him hand and foot. i need someone to take care of me for a while. i need someone to talk to, someone to listen to my wants, my needs.
now when i try kissing him, he backs away telling me that im smothering him or he cant breathe. when i try to initiate intimacy he pushes me off and tells me im a leach. its been more than a month since he has touched me or even looked at me like he wanted me.
everytime i try and have a conversation with him i end up crying because of the things he says to me, calling me names, putting me down, telling me i never say to him what he thinks i should say to make him feel better.
i would love to have him look at me the way he used to. touch me, talk to me, treat me the way he used to. but now i feel like all i am to him is someone who washes the clothes, cooks dinner, pays the bills, and i dont even feel like he appreciates anything i do for him. or what i have to give up for him so that he can have what he wants.
im tired of crying all the time, im tired of feeling like im not worthy of his love. because all i need from him is affection. its the little things that im looking for, holding my hand, kissing me without looking around the room and rolling his eyes, cuddling with me at night, and for god sakes, to be intimate with me! is that really so hard to give to someone who you say you love?
he says he loves me, but the thing i keep thinking is that actions speak louder than words.
without him showing me he loves me, its just a four letter word.
and to be completely honest, i try talking to him about counseling but he doesnt hear it, or he does and wont pay attention. but like i said, i am paying for everything at the monent and i cant even go to the dr. to get medicine for myself, let alone to drag him to a coulseler he wants nothing to do with.
i just want him to show some support for me everynow and then. the way i do for him.
No, it truly isn't too much to ask. But I think your chances of getting anything from him are slim to none. Either you will have to sit down with him and talk about what you are gonna need from him to make you happy, or you will have to seek a counselor out. I know everyone has bad times where they are unhappy, but when it doesn't seem to pass that is when you worry. The pain pill abuse, get him involved on correcting that and make sure that he is staying clean as best you can and then start plugging away at the marriage. Ask him flat out, hey why don't you want to be intimate with me? Tell me what I can do to make you want me. If he is still refusing, then I would suggest the counselor to him. I know it will be hard to get him there and yourself there, but it may be something that has to be done
what you want is your marriage to be what a marriage should be:
a husband who is attentive, loving, involved, committed, desperately in love with you, desires you more than he can stand sometimes, feels soo lucky to have you as a wife, and just can't figure enough ways to let you know how he feels.
that's just a partial list.
you deserve and can have all that.
you shouldn't settle for him just 'showing some support now and then'.
andand you should go to counseling by yourself
it's time to figure out why you settled for such a grey mundane unhappy life.
i am so lost
