Throwing in the Towel
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-13-2009, 04:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 96
Default Throwing in the Towel

So after my wife ignoring me for years, having an affair (though no confirmed intercourse) and ignoring me for even more years I am finally ready to just give up. I have moved out sort of, staying with a friend.

I have two step children who have no other father but me so I will still be involved in their lives.

My question or problem is why can I not just tell her that it's over? I just can't say the words I want a divorce. I don;t hate her, I just don't want to be married to her.

Why can't I say the words? Is something wrong with me?

Thanks
stoomey74 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-13-2009, 04:53 PM   #2 (permalink)
Moderator
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Near Chicago
Posts: 3,311
Default Re: Throwing in the Towel

No, nothing is wrong with you. It is a Huge step once you say the words. It sounds like it's not something you really want, but your wife's indifference towards you is making you feel it's the only solution at this point.

What do you think will happen if you say the words? Do you think she will step up and take it as a true wake-up call, or do you feel she will not fight it?
swedish is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-13-2009, 05:14 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
chuckf75's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 134
Default Re: Throwing in the Towel

What about saying it in the context that you feel this way today but are willing to work on the marriage if it is salvageable?
chuckf75 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-13-2009, 05:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Loving Husband's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,153
Default Re: Throwing in the Towel

Ever think you don't want it over but want it better?? I am getting there in my relationship. Just exsisting isn't an option. As we get older we seem to look for more and not settle any more.. Why not give it some time away and see how distance feels..
Loving Husband is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-13-2009, 07:07 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 96
Default Re: Throwing in the Towel

I don't know if I have it in me to continue, I have left the home so that was a wake up call , but I feel that all my years of telling her i need to be a priority and I need to feel wanted will still be on deaf ears.

I am affraid to get hurt again as I have been over the last few years.

I just can't understand why I don't want to hurt her or I am affraid of her feelings. I seriously can not comprehend why I can't just say I'm out! How do I deal with these feelings? I truly no longer want to be married.

Thanks for the input.
stoomey74 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-13-2009, 07:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Loving Husband's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,153
Default Re: Throwing in the Towel

Something tells me you do... I feel you are here to get some clarity on your situation.. I know how you feel.. I have 300+ posts on mine and it was a roller coaster. Summarize I been married 15 years. 2 kids. Wife has self-esteem issues and confidence along with depression. My marriage has been like a father daughter one. Where every thing had to go threw me to get done. Time wore she forgot to grow up into a women. thought it was me ran 5 years ago.. Did it again this past summer. Got her to stop running again. Now I am in your shoes.. While I am not to the point where you are I know how you are feeling. Wife is back but her old habits are still there. No changes. All I want to feel is my wife wants me and makes an effort to make me happy. I get the feeling that's your shoes. Your wife only takes all your affection and love but doesn't go out of her way for you. It is a hard road. I am sorry I don't have the answer for you as I am looking for the answer also. Yet I won't give up.. I know that person is there just have to find her.
Loving Husband is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-13-2009, 11:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 6,610
Default Re: Throwing in the Towel

Stop - stop talking. Start dating. I am serious. Soon you will meet someone who is kind and loving to you. And you will wonder - why did I waste ALL THAT TIME and energy on someone who did not really love me.



Quote:
Originally Posted by stoomey74 View Post
I don't know if I have it in me to continue, I have left the home so that was a wake up call , but I feel that all my years of telling her i need to be a priority and I need to feel wanted will still be on deaf ears.

I am affraid to get hurt again as I have been over the last few years.

I just can't understand why I don't want to hurt her or I am affraid of her feelings. I seriously can not comprehend why I can't just say I'm out! How do I deal with these feelings? I truly no longer want to be married.

Thanks for the input.
MEM11363 is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Close to throwing in the towel tennessee0869 Considering Divorce or Separation 16 04-15-2012 11:48 PM
I'm throwing in the towel. I need to know what to do... AlterEgoist Considering Divorce or Separation 3 03-15-2012 12:37 PM
Throwing in the Towel lastinline Going Through Divorce or Separation 2 05-01-2011 02:35 PM
How many miscarriages before throwing in the towel... Choose2love General Relationship Discussion 5 04-15-2011 02:03 PM
I sometimes feel like throwing in the towel over WS emotional affair! loveandmarriage Coping with Infidelity 1 08-22-2008 03:53 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:20 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage