My Husband Wants A Motorcycle
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Old 06-10-2013, 12:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

My husband has recently shown a strong interest in purchasing a Harley. His uncle has one that is really nice and said he would give him a special deal if he wanted it. Well, he has been searching and researching online about Harley's. He is 39 and I'm 37 and we have four kids ages 16, 10, 9 and 5. My biggest fear is the danger and me being left with these kids to raise on my own. I already told him that I cannot tell him what to do but that if he did buy one, I will continue to voice my thoughts and he that he needs to remember that he still has to live with me and that he better increase the life insurance policy on himself. He has alcohol issues but has sworn he wouldn't drink if he was going for a ride. Even his uncle told him that you have to be completely clear-minded when riding and that you shouldn't even ride if you have something simple wrong like a headache. He told me that his dad had talked about getting one right before he passed away and that's one reason why he wants to get one. He had never mentioned this before. Maybe this never came up before b/c we were never in a good financial position to purchase wants, although he purchased a boat several years ago...new and expensive without my knowledge. It is paid for now but it did cause some hardship and added to my resentment.

Could this be a mid-life crisis? He just seems so insistent and I'm against it but I don't want to be the big bad b... and insist he don't get it.
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Old 06-10-2013, 12:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

Could be, or he might really be interested in riding. If you're concerned about his safety, you might explore the possibility of setting boundaries about when/where to ride (road trips only, weekends only, or....)
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Old 06-10-2013, 01:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

Good riding gear and a calm mind can make motorcycling a LOT of fun and quite safe as well.
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Old 06-10-2013, 01:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

If he is 39 and never owned a motorcycle before I will caution you on one thing: Do NOT let him think he's king f'ng dude cuz he's got a Harley. I'm 45 years old. I've been riding motorcycles since I was 20. I can't tell you how many guys buy a Harley...then a t-shirt, and think they can call everyone "bro".

Trust me, once he starts doing those things, I can help ya out. If he gets his Harley and merely enjoys going for a ride now and then - well, then you have no problem. Make sure he takes the Motorcycle Safety Foundation course.
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Old 06-10-2013, 01:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

that's what he says he wants it for - like a sunday drive, not to take to work or on trips. just out for an afternoon drive. i'm just praying its not a mid life thing and he winds up with a 20 yo girl on the back of the thing lol! he really doesn't have any time to ride it regularly so i do think he'll only go for rides around the area where we live. i just worry.
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Old 06-10-2013, 01:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

Nooo...trust me the 20 year old girl thing was the 60's-80's, it doesn't really happen like that anymore!! LOL

Bikes are great. I've lived this lifestyle more than half my life. I just see a lot of guys come in thinking they can buy the lifestyle with their bike. Just be weary of that part.
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Old 06-10-2013, 02:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

well that's good to know that it's a thing of the past lol! i just feel like if it's something he's set on, i don't want to be a huge pain in the a** about it. i have issues with being too controlling and am really trying hard to work on it with changing myself and counseling. however, when i wanted to redo the floors in our home i was met with a brickwall. no, flat out was his answer. but i did tell him that if he got a bike, we need to buy land and start building. we live in a subdivision now, which is okay, but i really want to be more secluded. and he agreed with that.

and, just curios...what is the lifestyle of a biker? is it possible a motorcycle will change his personality in some noticeable way?
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Old 06-10-2013, 02:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

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Originally Posted by laya View Post
well that's good to know that it's a thing of the past lol! i just feel like if it's something he's set on, i don't want to be a huge pain in the a** about it. i have issues with being too controlling and am really trying hard to work on it with changing myself and counseling. however, when i wanted to redo the floors in our home i was met with a brickwall. no, flat out was his answer. but i did tell him that if he got a bike, we need to buy land and start building. we live in a subdivision now, which is okay, but i really want to be more secluded. and he agreed with that.

and, just curios...what is the lifestyle of a biker? is it possible a motorcycle will change his personality in some noticeable way?
This is just my opinion - and I hope it doesn't offend anyone. My husband and I were just talking about this the other day. Nearly all of our friends ride, but neither of us owns a bike or wants to. I go riding with one of his former coworkers to veteran-related events to get my fill of the wind and sun from the back of a bike.

Anyway... It seems to me that some people like to ride because they just like to ride. But for some people, it's more about fulfilling a need to belong. As stated above, they go out and buy the shirts and find group rides every weekend. For them, it can easily become a lifestyle that revolves around their motorcycle and/or alcohol. Don't get me wrong, many biker organizations do an outstanding amount of wonderful charity work, too. BACA and Patriot Guard are my favorites, and Shriners do a fair amount, too.

I don't know how much personalities change, but priorities certainly can.
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Old 06-10-2013, 02:35 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

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well that's good to know that it's a thing of the past lol! i just feel like if it's something he's set on, i don't want to be a huge pain in the a** about it. i have issues with being too controlling and am really trying hard to work on it with changing myself and counseling. however, when i wanted to redo the floors in our home i was met with a brickwall. no, flat out was his answer. but i did tell him that if he got a bike, we need to buy land and start building. we live in a subdivision now, which is okay, but i really want to be more secluded. and he agreed with that.

and, just curios...what is the lifestyle of a biker? is it possible a motorcycle will change his personality in some noticeable way?
The real biker lifestyle is something that you can't buy with your Harley like the extended warranty. The real biker lifestyle is one where your life revolves around riding. For me, I ride with an international motorcycle club. It is a lifestyle to be associated with such. Either you're all in or you're not in the MC. Even with a saying like "Family, Job, Club"...the Club is always a huge presence in your life if you choose that.

For some that means partying all the time. Others, it means weekend parties. Still more it's just getting together for a ride.

It's about free spirit and the love of Brotherhood. That's why so many vets get involved in MC's cuz they understand Brotherhood.

It's also about RESPECT. And I mean that in a positive way. You don't disrespect people in this lifestyle cuz if you do, you will be out faster than you signed that paperwork to buy your new Harley.

Some people change. They think being Billy Badass is what it's about. They watch 'Sons of Anarchy' and think that's the lifestyle. And they couldn't be more wrong. Don't let him become Billy Badass. It's not cool.
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Old 06-10-2013, 03:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

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Originally Posted by laya View Post
well that's good to know that it's a thing of the past lol! i just feel like if it's something he's set on, i don't want to be a huge pain in the a** about it. i have issues with being too controlling and am really trying hard to work on it with changing myself and counseling. however, when i wanted to redo the floors in our home i was met with a brickwall. no, flat out was his answer. but i did tell him that if he got a bike, we need to buy land and start building. we live in a subdivision now, which is okay, but i really want to be more secluded. and he agreed with that.

and, just curios...what is the lifestyle of a biker? is it possible a motorcycle will change his personality in some noticeable way?
Iím not a biker but I can add some insight nevertheless. I am a climber and early on in our marriage I was involved in a gnarly rescue of another climber. My wife was pregnant and thought it would be best if I gave it up for a while. I did and the end result was I became a couch potato and awhile became years. That caused more problems in our marriage than it fixed. I started climbing again a several years ago and it was like I found a piece of me that was lost. My mood was much better I was more satisfied and our marriage improved. So yes, it may change his personality for the better.

One of the places where I like to climb in Seneca WV is on one of the popular biker destinations in the area. They like to ride scenic curvy roads out in the country and camp out or stay at local Inns. I can certainly see the attraction to that. In addition they tend to be independent, confident, interesting people who travel sometimes alone or in large groups. It is very social.

From your post it seems like you have a good compromise. Perhaps this will help resolve some of the resentment you mentioned and you both will get something out of it. But do what Dig mentions and make sure he takes a good safety course.
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Old 06-10-2013, 03:39 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

My Humble Thoughts:

Yes, it is a midlife crisis.

Do you have good insurance on him?

The nurses in the ER call people who ride motorcycles "organ donors."
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Old 06-10-2013, 03:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

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My Humble Thoughts:

Yes, it is a midlife crisis.

Do you have good insurance on him?

I absolutely do have insurance and told him he will need to purchase more if he gets a bike, and I was serious.

The nurses in the ER call people who ride motorcycles "organ donors."
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Old 06-10-2013, 03:44 PM   #13 (permalink)
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One of the places where I like to climb in Seneca WV is on one of the popular biker destinations in the area. They like to ride scenic curvy roads out in the country and camp out or stay at local Inns. I can certainly see the attraction to that. In addition they tend to be independent, confident, interesting people who travel sometimes alone or in large groups. It is very social.

I've spent a lot of time in Seneca. I am from Franklin, WV! It is a beautiful place over there and I've seen many bikers passing through.

From your post it seems like you have a good compromise. Perhaps this will help resolve some of the resentment you mentioned and you both will get something out of it. But do what Dig mentions and make sure he takes a good safety course.
I really don't think he'll be doing a lot of traveling b/c he does like to spend time with me and the kids. I think he will just do a drive here and there for no more than an afternoon. But I like your perspective regarding climbing. It's dangerous (I've watched too much I shouldn't be alive) and I feel that a motorcycle is dangerous too. But to hold someone back from something they find joy in is wrong and I'm trying really hard to let him have his way and not b*tch too much about it.
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Old 06-10-2013, 03:57 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

Why a Harley?
I've been on motorcycles since I was 6 and the Harley is a big fad. They are heavy, so-so reliability, poor handling, acceleration, and braking. When I bought my first street bike I took the advice of another seasoned rider and test rode a lot of different bikes. I actually ended up with a sport touring bike, looks like a crotch rocket with a more upright stance. It's a lot of fun, reliable, and will leave a Harley as a dot in the rear-view mirror. I had a friend of mine looking at Harleys too, and simply advised him to test ride several bikes before commiting to the Harley. He ended up with this beast of bike, I think it's called the Rocket by Triumph. It's a fuel injected 2.3L motor that makes 180HP with pipes and computer tune!
I'm a gearhead....so I got off track a bit sorry. Has he rode before?
With our growing aging population I wouldn't ride on the street with no experience. Too many people just don't see you, I've lost count of the times I've some gold Buick pull up to an intersection, look at me then quickly look the other way(I know that they didn't see me most likely), and I'm stopped giving them my "hello stupid" wave 3' from the side of their car.
Our local cycle shop has these Wednesday night social rides that involve some different routes and dinner at the end, little to no booze and a good time for all. People see the group of bikes so it's much safer than riding alone.
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Old 06-10-2013, 04:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Wants A Motorcycle

Harley isn't about speed. And with the "new" TC engines reliability is never an issue.
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