I supose I should have expected it but it bothers me anyway.
This woman's past is nothing she needs to be ashamed of. She explored her sexuality. It was her's to explore. The shaming and judgement implicitly or explicitly expressed is a big problem. The underlying notion is that a woman who enjoys sex just for because she does is somehow tainted.
Anyone else see a problem with this? Can a woman enjoy her sexuality and pleasure without being shamed? According to a great majority of the posts that i read on TAM, the answer is no. Let me ask another way, can a wife enjoy her sexuality and pleasure withoiut being shamed?
Absolutely. But if you are going to hold that position, you have to own it. Here, she did not. She actively hid it. She refused to discuss it.
The problem here is deception. The comments on female sexuality is instructive but is that the base problem? This mans wife did a horrible thing to this man. What she did with or to herself may be a problem for her but she is not the sympathetic person in this sorry tale.
I agree. Her deception in this whole thing is problematic. It causes doubts and lets the imagination go wild.
I would like the men who express knee jerk negative attitudes about sexually active women to look at the effect that this has in their lives. Is it fair or reasonable to expect their wives to be the type of woman they so freely shame and curse within hearing of their wives??
Of course not. My advice, watch what you say and be consistent. You have a right to your code of ethics and to live your life according to them. But you have no right to judge others with different points of view.
I agree that one should have a code of ethics and live by them. But one then needs to be honest about what that is. Be honest about how they got where they are and where their code comes from.
Also, I do think you do have a right to that judgment when it comes to getting married. That is why honest on both sides is necessary. Expecting someone to love you for who you are, when you don't really tell them who you are, seems unfair. To hide something before marriage, then try to shame a person into accepting it, is no better.
[QUOTE]I am saying this because the judgement bothers me. But more than that is the lack of awareness of the effect of unguarded talk and inconsistant belief systems. If in principle you believe that women should suppress their sexual expression, so be it. Don't confuse the woman that you love by expecting her to violate your principles after she agrees to marry you. That is a bait and switch.
If you want a rich and varied sex life with a woman who shares your values, then drop the sophomoric sexual negativity, judgement and shamming. For me and my emotional makeup, I chose to explore my sexuality in the safety of a committed relationship. That's me, I am not more principled than women who explored outside of marriage. I was true to my nature. I don't have any negative feelings about women who feel differently. [QUOTE]
Not necessarily. One can think that sexual expression should be reserved for long term, serious relationships, and not merely one night stands. It is not either/or. There are gradations. Further, one can have no negative feelings for those women, and yet decide that their behavior is not one they want for a mate, just as with any behavior.
If a man prefers a woman who makes the same choice then he has every right to find her. But if he is stupid enough to bad mouth women who are sexual, then he cannot expect his wife to feel sexually explorative with a man who cant control his tongue. Consideration and modulation of feelings and thoughts is an ongoing process of a thinking person in charge of themselves. Mass thinking is the opposite of that.
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If a woman is stupid enough to act in one way, then hide those actions, she cannot expect a man to them blindingly accept her.
On that, it seems that you want women to be able to explore their sexuality in any manner in which they chose, while hiding that exploration from their mate. I think this is a mistake, because if their mate is not able to accept her and what she did, it is far better to find that out before marriage.