kittymom

I told him when we started dating I was very tight with my family. I told him they aren't perfect. There are some mental health issues going on like Schizophrenia & OCD. But I love them & I work with them. I am close to them - I didn't cover it up - but he stayed & our first year together was great.

Now? We fight. ALL THE TIME. Sometimes it's because I am leaving old friends behind who were a hinderance from an old life. Sometimes it's because his work situation. He gets paid a lot less than I do. He won't accept help. He has health issues that cause him pain. We don't go out anymore because of the money. He doesn't like my firends & says I shouldn't "force them on him" - when all I am doing is asking if he wants to come out for the night. He says it's unfair that I should expect him to participate in my life with people he doesn't like. Fine - but what do you do when he doesn't like anyone?
Family as well, do to the mental health issues - yeah they can be really tough to deal with at times. Being a parnoid Schizophrenic is a lot harder to deal with than someone who just talks to people who do not exist. You are always defending yourself against them. He says its bad behaivior & they are horrid peices of crap. If I can make my family into better people who fall in line with his high standards then he would be willing to pursue a relationship with them. I think...who the hell are you to make all these demands? Who died & made you king?

Every week it's a different arguement & always me being in the wrong. Like - yeah I wanted this for my life. I tried to break it off with him months ago but he said he would do anything to stay with me because he loves me. I suggested therapy. We went to 1 session & he said it was insulting I forced that on him & an insult to his intelligence. He doesn't need "some fag" to tell me that he is right & I am wrong.
Granted I am not perfect - but right now I am burned out & on the edge. He says I need to give him space to deal with his underemployment & health & nothing else. But it's been since we moved in this sudden health issues & lack of employment started. He's unhappy & I am unhappy. & I just wish he would go. I think it's obvious we are uncompatible as people. It doesn't make us bad - but how can I live a life where only his needs are being looked after & my wants are being shot down all the time?

What do I do???

tornbetweenthemboth

wow so sry....that sounds so sad.....Men are very selfish...(no offense) 1st them and always them.....But if u cant help ur family who will. Wish u the best...stay strong....

swedish

If you are not married, and do not have kids with him, I think you should move on. You obviously are able to be empathetic towards your own family members with mental health issues & I don't see him stepping up any time soon to make sure you are happy...he said he would do anything to stay with you but wouldn't even give counseling an honest try.

I think he needs to be on his own...I don't think he has it in him to be in a mature relationship where wanting to make another person happy is a priority.

kittymom

Thanks - I feel the same way. But my god does he know how to push the guilt buttons & make it my fault in every conversation! I just feel like a whipping post. Today all nice & caring, but just waiting for the next time he goes off.

Greatermindset

It sounds like your husband is his own worst enemy. It's best to have a honest sit down and a good heart to heart talk. Put it on the table up front that this is not a blaming game and you're both in this together.

Ask him honestly if you two continue to down this path as is, where is it going to lead? Is it where you both want to be? Where do you both want to be? and what will it take to both be there? Don't be afraid to give him your honest opinion and offer suggestions. You've probably touched on this to some degree or another, now's the time to have that earnest talk to him about it.

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The 6 human needs