General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Wife's birthday is Monday. We have two young girls, so thats a pretty big deal, at least to them.
She starts getting texts last night at 1:30am from her "friend" asking if she wants to go out for a drink.
In theory, am I supposed to act like I don't care? Or act like an alpha male and threaten her, him and anyone who stands in my way?
I said something - dont' remember what - I think just that I thought it was ridiculous.
She didn't go, but once again told me I was PUSHING HER AWAY WITH MY JEALOUSY AND ANGER. The only anger was from a problem I was trying to fix with our wireless router. She claims I slammed a door or something - if I did, I didn't realize it. Although I was nervous/concerned that she would be more likely to go out if she couldn't get on the internet through her laptop.
I'm supposed to not act jealous or beg, right? I also know that yelling and throwing a fit will give her an excuse, as well as give me something to look back on later - wondering if my anger was the downfall.
Started to ask her if I could go meet him instead of her, but I'm trying so hard to get through this weekend without a big stink around her b-day. Plus, we have a therapy appt. on Tuesday.
What do you do in these situations? Is there some universe in which it really is ok for my wife to start going out for drinks with men I don't know at 1 in the morning?
Last edited by KSimpson99; 10-24-2009 at 09:16 AM.
What do you do in these situations? Is there some universe in which it really is ok for my wife to start going out for drinks with men I don't know at 1 in the morning?
not in my opinion there isnt. shes a wife, mother of two and she wants to go out for drinks with a guy friend at 130am? i can definitely understand your frustration. her request is ridiculous.
i told my wife with her staying out late, that she can stay out as late as she wants, but she will have to divorce me and move out first. it also sounds like shes using your "anger" to manipulate you into letter her skate by
your in a tougher situation because their are kids involved. I would play hard ball with her, but thats just me. sometimes the fire is re-ignited when she sees you arent a push over
I wouldnt yell or throw a fit. just be firm and assertive. tell her to look at it from your point of view
What is there to handle? Of course you are furious. Just ask her if she really wants a divorce to be human about it and end it. It is emotionally abusive to do this kind of stuff. No man or woman deserves this. Really if you have truly treated her that bad then she needs to leave you. Otherwise - all communications need to be open and available to you. no locks on cell phones - no password protect on her laptop. If she thinks that you being able to see her text/emails then she is actively working to replace you. Why wait until she does.
I love my wife a LOT. But I don't love anyone enough to allow them to treat me like this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KSimpson99
Wife's birthday is Monday. We have two young girls, so thats a pretty big deal, at least to them.
She starts getting texts last night at 1:30am from her "friend" asking if she wants to go out for a drink.
In theory, am I supposed to act like I don't care? Or act like an alpha male and threaten her, him and anyone who stands in my way?
I said something - dont' remember what - I think just that I thought it was ridiculous.
She didn't go, but once again told me I was PUSHING HER AWAY WITH MY JEALOUSY AND ANGER. The only anger was from a problem I was trying to fix with our wireless router. She claims I slammed a door or something - if I did, I didn't realize it. Although I was nervous/concerned that she would be more likely to go out if she couldn't get on the internet through her laptop.
I'm supposed to not act jealous or beg, right? I also know that yelling and throwing a fit will give her an excuse, as well as give me something to look back on later - wondering if my anger was the downfall.
Started to ask her if I could go meet him instead of her, but I'm trying so hard to get through this weekend without a big stink around her b-day. Plus, we have a therapy appt. on Tuesday.
What do you do in these situations? Is there some universe in which it really is ok for my wife to start going out for drinks with men I don't know at 1 in the morning?
1. She went to nursing school for 3 years. But, in doing so, took herself out of the day-to-day workings of our family. SOOO...I started doing all of the "gotta get done" stuff. Between her being a student, and me taking care of almost everything else, it didn't leave much time for us to connect.
2. After she finished school and started working - over a year ago - she was diagnosed with Fibro and Chronic Fatigue. She is legally disabled and spends most of her time in bed. Then, along came Facebook. In the meantime, I'm still taking care of the kids, fixing dinner, going to the grocery, etc., while she's spending more and more time online.
And then, because I do almost EVERYTHING, she has NOTHING BUT TIME to have little online, or other, adventures. While I have have trouble making it through a one hour TV show - even when fast forwarding through the commercials on the DVR.
I "get it" that Fibro and CFS are hard, but is it common for people who get sick to turn against the people who've been going to their appointments with them? Who have been fixing their meals, cleaning their toilets and taking care of "our" kids?
Also, do people who develop a chronic illness typically lower their moral standards? Does it become OK to lie since they've been given a "raw deal"?? I had never heard of this.
She came home around 4am. She talked early yesterday about going out with a friend I don't know named Julie. But when she left, she avoided the direct question of "who are you going out with?" She was a little drunk when she got home this morning and was telling me she had a great time, and that I HAVE to trust her. I asked a few questions about "Julie" and she just said that I HAVE to trust her and she didn't want to say any more.
Going to be a fun birthday today. Wonder if its too late to have them change the cake to say "Happy Birthday Cheating *****"???
It is so tempting to contact this guy's wife and ask her if he was out late last night/this morning. Another red flag to me - her "BFF" is a "free thinker" who seems to questions the existence of God (per facebook/myspace), while his WIFE's favorite book is The Bible, and she is part of the "Get 1 Million Christians on Faceboook", or something similar.
Match made in heaven? Well, not if only one of them believe in heaven.
Getting together for lunch or coffee with a male friend is one thing (I see nothing wrong with that), but leaving home at 1:30am to meet one in a bar, alone, is completely another.
My husband and I both maintain good friendships with exes but I would definitely have a problem with that scenario myself. So would he. Trust or no trust.
Why would this friend not suggest a celebratory drink after work, or suggest that a few friends get together and include you, as her husband, giving you both the opportunty to hire a babysitter for a couple of hours.
She may be looking at this with completely innocent intentions, and is genuinely hurt that you feel she's being less than honest, but there are certain behaviours that are inappropriate in a relationship and this is one of them.
you disengage with her by allowing her to do as she pleases and ask no questions.
just tell her that her actions do and will have consequences, and at some point, probably sooner than later, you're going to file for a seperation based on infidelity.
then walk away from her, go about your life, take care of the kids and house.
getting up at 1am to meet a guy for drinks when she has chronic fatirgue syndrome, my oh my.
your pride should not allow you to stand for such behaviour.
you may want your marriage to work, but obviously she doesn't.
unless, of course, the marriage allows her to see the 'other man' with no discernable negative consequences.
You are acting like a doormat not a husband. Act like a doormat - get stomped on.
So she has plenty of energy to go out until 4 am but not enough to help around the house. You are being played so bad. You are setting a frightening example for the kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KSimpson99
It is so tempting to contact this guy's wife and ask her if he was out late last night/this morning. Another red flag to me - her "BFF" is a "free thinker" who seems to questions the existence of God (per facebook/myspace), while his WIFE's favorite book is The Bible, and she is part of the "Get 1 Million Christians on Faceboook", or something similar.
Match made in heaven? Well, not if only one of them believe in heaven.
How do you handle it?
