bob_sacamano

I like that answer joevn. I would take any door as long as I can make her happy. Im just not sure how to go about it, trying to get her to go out with me as she is pissed at me and that makes it difficult. Trying to get a woman to go out with you that is pissed at you is damn near impossible. Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way or something. Again, thanks for all the help.

mae

Just curious, what exactly have you tried doing? Have you tried buying her flowers? Set up a romantic date? Wrote her a love letter? Etc. If you're doing these things and she's rejecting you then I think the only thing you can do is tell her she needs to either let you do what she's asking you to do or you're out the door unless you get some sort of marriage counseling. You have to somehow do something pro-active, which is unfortunately very hard when you're stuck right in the middle of it.

MEM11363

where did you take her on the first date you had that went really well? It doesn't have to be the first date ever. It should be the first one that you both had a good/great time on. I mean at the very start of your relationship.

bob_sacamano

we went to see the movie Aladin when it was in theaters. Her choice. But I have to get her to WANT to go out first, thats the problem. I have to woo her while she is sarcastic and turns everything I say into an argument. AHHHHHHH!

seeking sanity

Bob, it seems to me you're a bit screwed right now. As soon as she tells you to woo her you are both conscious of the trying and it's artificial and fake.

Women like challenge in a man, meaning they like a take charge guy, who doesn't placate or suck up to them, is fun to be around, and makes them work to get him. Most of us husbands fail hugely in this area.

I'd do two things:

1. Start making your own life. If you don't have male friends, go get some. Join a sport, softball league, soccer, touch football, running club, poker night, something... She wants to feel like you want her, not NEED her. To move from one to the other you need your own life and, ironically, to make her less important. She's your lover remember, not your mother.

2. Take more leadership. So instead of saying, "Should we go to dinner?" which is seeking approval, say "I've got a surprise for you on tues night. Be ready at 7pm and wear something nice," and then organize dinner a nice restaurant, and something afterward. If she asks what you're doing, just smile and say, "you'll have to wait to find out."


PS: I agree with the guy that said to watch out for an affair. They happen, more than any of think.

bob_sacamano

she wants to feel needed and wanted! She just told me that earlier in the kitchen while we were cooking dinner.

she says she already feels not important although I do nothing on my own except go to work or fix something around the house. I have no hobbies anymore, they were upsetting her or making her jealous or something.

I have taken a leadership role before but now I have to get her to want to go out. she will not go if I just say " Keep Tues night open we are going out." She has to be asked out is what she is saying.

I think I might change my name to "seeking sanity II" if I can't figure this out.

thanks for all the support everybody! I really appreciate it.

larniegrl

It takes work...don't expect that she will "instantly" be attracted to you, or want to date you. You have to work everyday...just like when you first met her. Send her cards, flowers, text/e-mail...etc. If she went so far as to buy you "how to romance" books, that is saying a HUGE amount.

It will take alot of effort, sacrifice and maybe some actions that seems a little stupid in your mind. Believe it or not...most women love for a man to chase them.

Don't expect results today, tomorrow, next week, next month or even in years...don't set a deadline in your mind of when you expect to have your feelings reciprocated. Just chase after her and see what happens.

dobo

I don't think she's asking for anything unreasonable. I think you're just a clueless guy. How sad for you both!

What she wants is to be SURPRISED by your efforts. She wants excitement.

So do things out of the ordinary.

Also, if you can't get her to be excited about doing something, don't tell her what you're going to do. Tell her what she needs to wear and if she needs anything special, but just take her where you want to take her.

Act differently. If you're normally passive, sweep her off her feet and carry her to the bedroom. Act like you really want her. Tie her up. Put roses all over the bed. (I've never gotten that one myself but it is a part of a lot of romantic notions, so I hear.)

Be over the top. Don't buy her a dozen roses. Buy her 12 dozen.

Don't send her flowers one day. Send her flowers every day for 2 weeks.

Think outside of the box and stop worrying so much. Act like you are head-over-heels for her and do some freaking work at getting her attention. This "I'm lucky I got her" thing is for the birds. So you're a loser at love and you want her to suffer with your low self-esteem for the rest of her life? Puh. Step up to the plate and swing away.

joevn

I totally agree with this. Key is you don't want to be predictable, or play the same card too often.

Here are some tools that I use. Arrange dinner dates at restaurants (once a month) for just the two of you. Make a production out of it by giving her an invitation card, formally asking her to join Mr. (your last name) for an evening out. If she works (or if she doesn't, when she visits her family), send flowers to her work/inlaw place on special occassions. Flowers are great, but women love to let other women know that their men thought they are special. Put on an old black-and-white love movie (if she has a favorite, use it), a bottle of massage oil, and give her a back massage while you two watch the movie. Cassablanca or "An Affair to Remember" are always winners. Make sure you have fun doing it...that's the point. Things to do are only limited by your imagination.

Shoot for things that are inexpensive but heart-felt. This is an area where more dollars doesn't mean more.

joevn

To follow up.

Most importantly, write love letters. Shoot for a few each month to start out. Put it on her pillow so she can find it as surprises. One pager is great. Hand-written only. Definitely don't do it on any schedule. Do it randomly but consistently over the years. This is the simplest thing you can do. And FREE~.

If you think love letters are for the birds, check out Ronald Reagan, Harry S. Truman, Napoleon Bonaparte. All men at the pinacle of their power, rulers of the world, and still write "sappy" love letters to their wives. Only insecure guys are afraid of picking up a pen and show their emotions to their wives.

November 21, 1796 (Napoleon)

I am going to bed with my heart full of your adorable image… I cannot wait to give you proofs of my ardent love… How happy I would be if I could assist you at your undressing, the little firm white breast, the adorable face, the hair tied up in a scarf a la creole. You know that I will never forget the little visits, you know, the little black forest… I kiss it a thousand times and wait impatiently for the moment I will be in it. To live within Josephine is to live in the Elysian fields. Kisses on your mouth, your eyes, your breast, everywhere, everywhere.

November 1796: (Napoleon)

Soon, I hope, I will be holding you in my arms; then I will cover you with a million hot kisses, burning like the equator.


March 4 1983 (Ronald Regan written aboard Air Force 1)

Dear First Lady

I know tradition has it that on this morning I place cards Happy Anniversary cards on your breakfast tray. But things are somewhat mixed up. I substituted a gift & delivered it a few weeks ago.

Still this is the day, the day that marks 31 years of such happiness as comes to few men. I told you once that it was like an adolescent's dream of what marriage should be like. That hasn't changed.

You know I love the ranch but these last two days made it plain I only love it when you are there. Come to think of it that's true of every place & every time. When you aren't there I'm no place, just lost in time & space.

I more than love you, I'm not whole without you. You are life itself to me. When you are gone I'm waiting for you to return so I can start living again.

Happy Anniversary & thank you for 31 wonderful years.

I love you

Your Grateful Husband


Dear Bess: Love Letters From the President

hoping

wow.. that was inspiring joevn

that is one thing i have not done... the hiding them around the house for her to find bit... i have handed her them several times though

might i suggest.. instead of hiding them for her to find.. take a long time and make several fake/attempted letters for her and skatter them soem place you know she'll find them but not to obvious.. then give her the finidshed one the next day and act all shy about it... i have noticed that some women love it when you are "intimidated" be cause you are "struck" by them like a school boy with a crush.... just a thought

__________________
My marriage is a wreck.... But hopefully, with time, patience and love, that will change. Pray for me as i will pray for all of you, not that our marriages get better, not that our loved one turn around but that we all shall find happiness, piece, love, trust and confidence....
GOD bless and good luck, we all need it.

joevn

Awesome idea. If Bob, like me, are of the school that a dollar saved is a dollar earned, you'd be thinking of ways to get more mileage out of your effort.

When I read this, my first thought is how to jazz it up and save dough (in fact, I'll do this some time, thanks for the inspiration dobo).

1) Get a BIG single sun flower
2) cut out some picture of the moon and stars, and tie it to the flower stem
3) Write a short note to the effect that "darling wife, you are my sun, my moon, and my stars. Without you, I'm lost. With you, my days are brighter, my nights are more beautiful, my skies are clearer. As long as the sun continues to shine, the moon continues to appear in the night sky, and the stars continue to twinkle, my love remains. I love you, Joevn"

Sappy? hell yeah. But she'll be happy and she'll make me and my kids happy.

Cost: Less than five bucks and a few minutes with a pen and paper and scissors

Can you tell that I have fun with this stuff? I do.

hoping

great!!! love it!!! my wife HATES sunflowers but i bet even she would love that.

__________________
My marriage is a wreck.... But hopefully, with time, patience and love, that will change. Pray for me as i will pray for all of you, not that our marriages get better, not that our loved one turn around but that we all shall find happiness, piece, love, trust and confidence....
GOD bless and good luck, we all need it.