My wife told me she is unhappy with our marriage

jotronics · 10-27-2009, 03:05 PM

My wife stated she is unhappy, I ask her what makes her unhappy,she states, she wants to move back to Philadelphia, she doesn't like New Jersey, I agree and then I ask; Why are you unhappy with me and why don't you love me anymore?

She won't give me an answer.

My business is basically on shutdown, I have been self employed for 15 years. WE have been married for 11-years, she is 51 and I am 52, this is our second marriage for each of us.

My son is on his own (26), her daughter is at school (20) and living with relatives in Delaware County, PA.

I am going crazy, unsure what to do. I haven't been able to find a job since last July when I closed my business and the burden of the mortgage has fallen on my wife, she earns enough income to pay the mortgage, food and utility bills, otherwise we are debt free.

All of her work/girlfriends are all in negative marriage situations and all of her single girlfriends are all negative about men. Her sister is a Twin and never married and only in three short relationships in the 11-years that I have know her.

My wife recently has begun getting braces on her teeth, starting working out every morning (hasn't done this in 11 years), has never cooked me dinner or went food shopping, I have done all that , this week she has decided to cook me dinner two days in a row.

I am confused and shattered by this. I am very warm, sensual and sexual and she has resisted all contact with me for the last three weeks.

I work hard at another business that doesn't bring in much in income at this time, but its growing. My best friend believes she is now at the point where she wants to be on her own and not cater to anyone, but she never catered to me, I did everything but clean the house.

My friend says to let her go her own way and don't fight it.

Confused???

Joe

hoping · 10-27-2009, 03:22 PM

it sounds to me like she is probably getting a lot of negative influence form her friends and family and perhaps the money situation is not helping... perhaps you should focus your free time on finding a better pay check so you can relieve some of the burden she's feeling. that might help. and also, wine and dine her (not expensive, but next itme you are home cooking diner for her, make it a special one. you know, her favorite food, low lights and candles, fresh flowers and useing the "good dishes") show her that you know she's special. then, when she goes and tels her "friends" that her ____ husband did this last night (my wifes friend talk bad about men.... [fill in the blank] is for however she has started addressing you to them, i am sure it's probably not [loving] at least not at the moment) they will respond by saying how they wish they could find some one who would do that for them....

just a thought....

oh and as far as the touch goes... no feeling=no touch, women are emotional beings... [emotions=touch] work on getting her back emotionally and the physical might follow

recent_cloud · 10-27-2009, 04:16 PM

it may just be the midlife 'is this all there is to my life' crisis.

maybe you should show her there's a whole lot more to life 'out there'.

it's time to celebrate, investigate, dance, sing, laugh, and love.

the world is a huge place full of amazing places and fantastic adventures.

i'm certain there are some in your back yard.

find them and share them with her

dobo · 10-27-2009, 04:23 PM

There's someone else or someone else she is interested in? The working out and such might be an indication...

Does she plan on moving back to Philly with you? IOW, is there any discussion of divorce?

Would she be willing to go to a counselor with you?

I don't think it is fair that she won't give you an indication why she fell out of love with you. But maybe she doesn't quite know herself.

It might be more constructive to ask her what she would like you to do differently.