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Old 10-27-2009, 04:43 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

I have known that my husband looks at Women on the computer via Craigs List and other Escort service sites. I let it go for serveral years although it bothered me greatly. I finally called him on it about 6 months ago when I went to get a reciept out of his wallet and found serveral womens phone numbers. At first he lied to me about them then he confessed they were from Craigs list and that he had never been with anyone but me. He begged me to believe him and I did. He told me it meant nothing (his exact words, well i tell you it meant alot to me) and that guys always look at pictures of women. I told him I don't care if he looks a piictures he can look at magazing pictures or even movies, because they do NOT have the womens phone numbers, escorts have phone numbers and contact information, thats what bothers me. We spent the last several months working on making our marraige stronger and putting this behind us (We have been married 18 years).

About two weeks ago I asked to borrow his cell phone because I need something with a clock on it and he got real wierd and went and found a watch. This made me suspicious so I set up an online account to check our cell phone records. I found several calls to phone numbers out of our area. I pulled up Craigs list and entered some of the numbers on the search and sure enough up came ladies escort ads. He IS calling them - oh I felt like vomiting. I saved some of the info to my computer.

I know I have to confront him on this. I am just sick to my stomach on having to go through this. The phone calls are only 2-4 minutes each, so they must not talk much, but it still feels like cheating to me.... am I wrong on feeling this way?? Also I really don't think he has met up with any of them, some are local, some are far away. Am I being a fool in believing that? I mean we have been married for 18 years, I can't believe he would do that to me.

Also, the online account keeps a back up of the cell phones contact phone numbers and I know that at least 10 of them belong to call girls/escorts. I have matched up 4 of them with photos off of craigslist. My god he's got them PROGRAMMED into his phone. UUGGhhh. And I know that even last night the online records show he called two of them while he was at home with me and the kids - how can he do that???

How do I confront him on this. I'm thinking of giving him an ultimatium. He stop looking and calling these women or the kids and I leave. I don't know what to do, I just feel ill and can't believe he is calling them.

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Old 10-27-2009, 04:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You are completely justified in your feelings. He is stepping outside your marriage whether it be emotional or physical, and that's wrong. Those ladies don't talk to men for free, if he's calling them, there's a good chance it's to schedule a meetup. If it were me, I would start calling them, and asking if they know your husband, and what they have to say about the relationship between them. That's where you're going to get the most honest answers. Don't be afraid of making our husband mad, because he is in the wrong here! Good luck to you.
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Old 10-27-2009, 05:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

Amazing how it's ALWAYS innocent when they get caught. Go back to my "The Lies" thread in "Coping with Infidelity".
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Old 10-27-2009, 06:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

I'd be surprised if he hasn't met up with some. I mean, how long would just talking on the phone be satisfying? Wish you hadn't let it go on so long as something like this would be bound to result in real cheating.

Have an STD test.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

Your husband is going to have to turn over his passwords and his cell phone to you as soon as he gets home and you're going to have to go through his mail (inbox and outbox). You should also go through the web history and cookies. Maybe you should just put a keylogger on...

Good luck. I don't know how I'd cope with something like this. Hugs!
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Old 10-28-2009, 10:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

This behavior is soooo not right on many levels! He knows this is wrong or he wouldn't be hiding it from you. What is the point in calling an escort service for nothing? Is he crank calling them? I don't think so. He is getting some kind of sexual charge out of doing this, and that is betrayal to you!

How would he feel if you were doing this to him? Confront him. He needs to realize that you and the kids are more important to him than these escort women. The choice is a no brainer.......you!
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Old 10-28-2009, 10:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

Be sure to get STD tested every month if you plan to stay married and work this out with him.
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Old 10-28-2009, 10:34 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

I wouldn't have sex with him and maybe propse he get tested as a way of confronting him about it. A away of saying I know what your doing and I don't want to catch anhything..
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Old 12-01-2009, 10:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

Hi, I am in the same boat as you almost exactly. My husband has been doing the same thing. I also do not think that he has met any. Have you asked him if he will see a therapist. My husband has met with one and appartenly he may have a subconscious issue that he cannot control and which causes him to engage in such behaviour. Your husband needs to get to the root of the issue before he can stop it. It has nothing to do with you or his love for you or anything. From what I have determined, they likely don't see anything wrong in it and don't go out of their way to hide the behaviour. Hence you can easily catch him. He needs to see a professional at least for one session to try to understand the reasons behind it. I will keep you posted on my situation. You are not alone.
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Old 12-17-2009, 06:50 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I am also in the same boat. I was looking in the history of our home computer and noticed the searches for escorts on craigslist & backpage. I installed WebWatcher key logger on our home computer, his laptop & his work computer. I was able to find his secret email account & passwords. I confirmed that he was trying to meet with some of these women. He also left a card in his pocket with his secret email account on it. I confronted him & told him I knew everything! I told him if he didn't want me to find out he shouldn't have left that card in his pocket. He thinks I was able to figure out his password so he has no idea I have the key loggers installed. He says he has not slept with anyone else but he intended to. We are now going to counciling. He shut down his adult friend finder, ****** Maddison accounts and so far he hasn't been looking at anything inappropriate. If he does then I will tell him about the key loggers and ask for a divorce!
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Old 12-17-2009, 01:05 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

Wow, that is an awful thing to discover.

Right now I think you should consider yourself and kids.

Are you financially secure? Have access to $? Have good friends family around? I am sorry to say I would think he is "active". Set up an appt with the OBGYN, and sex with him is not an option.

Gather and tuck away your evidence as he will promptly get rid of all of it as soon as he realizes you are on to him.

An ultimatum I understand, but there is alot to work out...off the top of my head I would suggest preparing when to confront him, maybe have some close friend on stand by if you need comforting or help.

He is going to deny deny....don't waver, you KNOW what you know. There is no excusing his actions.

1. Ultimatum if he wants to stay in the home he stops all contact immediately. Have him give up his cell, stop computer use, whatever works for you.

2. STD testing for him. No negotiation, if he hasn't cheated then he should pass with flying colors.

3. You have every right to ask him to move into another bedroom for awhile.

4. Start marriage counseling. Maybe you want to consider seeing a divorce attorney just to familiarize yourself with options.

I am sorry you are going through this. Kes
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Old 07-21-2011, 07:14 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

This thread is from 2009. You may want to start a new one detailing how great escorts are for marriage.
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Old 07-21-2011, 07:16 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by capthero View Post
The other replies are a lot of rubbish. I have had a long and happy marriage because I used the occasional escort. They are always safe wrt STDs because they practice safe sex. Seeing an escort is a business relationship for a physical need. A wife cannot satisfy a normal mans needs over a lifetime. The women who express shock at this also have normal husbands who are the same. Don't pry into your husbands privacy over this, just tell him you don't want him to do it. After that what you don't know won't hurt you. Escorts are women too -- they make their living by having sex with men who then are not tempted to have an affair. They save marriages.
You resurrected a post from 2009 topmost this flame-bait?

Carry on, folks, nothing to see here...

C
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Old 07-21-2011, 07:28 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

I am getting good at spotting Them, Pbear
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Old 07-21-2011, 07:34 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

Quote:
Originally Posted by capthero View Post
The other replies are a lot of rubbish. I have had a long and happy marriage because I used the occasional escort. They are always safe wrt STDs because they practice safe sex. Seeing an escort is a business relationship for a physical need. A wife cannot satisfy a normal mans needs over a lifetime. The women who express shock at this also have normal husbands who are the same. Don't pry into your husbands privacy over this, just tell him you don't want him to do it. After that what you don't know won't hurt you. Escorts are women too -- they make their living by having sex with men who then are not tempted to have an affair. They save marriages.
Oh I hope you are a troll.

Women have sexual and emotional needs too, so I guess if their husband isn't doing it right they should find a male escort?

Also condoms are not 100% effective and do not protect against a lot of VD. People in the sex industry and those who use them are at higher risk of contracting diseases.

Any man who thinks he has a right to buy women for sex, makes me physically ill.

being with an escort is cheating the same as an affai and if you value your wife and marriage you would never go there.
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Old 08-15-2011, 09:26 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband calling Craigslist and Escort Service Ads

Quote:
Originally Posted by Equality View Post
that guy might be a troll but this guy clearly isnt:
I will give you the top reasons men see escorts.

1. They feel entitled. They have been taught that they have a right to buy women, as sickening as that is, rather then work on themselves or their or relationships with women, they buy them. It does nothing to improve them as men.

2. They are weak and do not value women.

3. Some men delude themselves into thinking it's not cheating, because there is no emotional investment. They are wrong it's cheating.

4. Many men also delude themselves into thinking their wives would prefer that over an affair. Decent men will understand that's not a rational choice. The rational choice is to respect women and not believe that you have a right to buy sex with them.

5. They have double standards and don't understand that women have needs too, however if their wives cheated or slept with an escort i bet they wouldn't be so kind.

6. They are creepy.

The idea on that rubbish site that men have to have different women, is bs. Both men and women cheat, they do it because they are selfish and gutless. they can't be bothered either doing what needs to be done to improve their relationship or walking away. Making excuses for men is a huge double standard.

That web site makes me want to vomit quite frankly and if I was with a man who believed any of what was written there I would know he was a selfish loser, who did not deserve me and had revolting attitudes about women. I would prefer he kept his foul self and potentially diseased genitalia far away from me.
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