Husband Won't Earn and Says he is depressed

Tig · 10-28-2009, 07:37 AM

We have been married for 22 years. In that time, husband has earned enough to lift burden of me supporting fully our three children for about 3 years. He built up huge debts, which I finally managed to reduce by selling our house and buying in cheaper area hoping this would give him a fresh start. His behaviour was so poor that I thought he might be depressed and he went to doctor. Got diagnosis. Nothing changed, he still messes around the house all day. I have had a lot of job stress myself having been made redundant twice and am currently freelancing and running out of money. He refuses to find work, and does none of the things that might get him work like take a course. I am utterly sick of him, can't bear him to touch me, and it has badly affected my children. You might well ask why I stayed for so long, well children and lack of any family support are the answers to that.
Anyone have any ideas?

foolz1 · 10-28-2009, 07:48 AM

If he isn't contributing to the household's bills, it seems like it would be beneficial to both you and your children to just kick his lazy azz out.

Tig · 10-28-2009, 07:59 AM

How do I go about kicking him out? He owns half the house, although none of his money is left.

New Beginnings · 10-28-2009, 08:33 AM

That is a tough situation for you to be in. A marriage is 50/50 and for whatever reason he doesn't seem to see that. I know if I was him, I would be flipping burgers and pumping gas to support my family. I've always had a mindset of supporting my family regardless of the job but I also can comprehend if he is suffering from depression.

From a guys point of view, he can suffer mentally from his own pereived inadequacies with his failure to be able to provide and I have also heard stories of guys who feel inadequate when their spouses are more successful than them. To me it is kind of a poor excuse but maybe that is what is going on in his head.

Guys can sometimes need a mule kick wake up call to get them to see things for what they are. I would suggest the two of you have a sit down heart to heart about how you feel about this and what its doing to your relationship. He needs to know these things, even if you've told him before. You probably need to relay it to him to a degree that he completely understands what this is leading to from your point of view. Then give him a chance to correct his behavior, if your willing to give him that chance to do so.

22 years is a long time to give up on. Even if right now you can't see any reason to stick it out, you might feel completely different about this relationsip later. So give it one last chance if he is a good man, and see if he can wake up out of his slump.

foolz1 · 10-28-2009, 08:33 AM

You could file for divorce. Make sure that you are prepared emotionally, legally and financially. It is a huge step, but in your situation, it would be the logical thing to do.