Pregnant and wanting a divorce - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-09-2008, 09:37 AM Thread Starter
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Pregnant and wanting a divorce

I just cant seem to hold it toghther. I am recentley got married in July of 07' and I am missrable. First of all. He and I have been toghether for 7 years and everything was wonderful until the marriage. Since then, he has been binge drinking, staying out all hours of the night, passing out in front of the house in the middle of a Wisconsin winter night, not helping out around the house like he used too, in and out. Not to mention the sex has never been good. He has an issue with premature ejaculation and never takes the time to please me. I have never made this an issue to him. I feel bad for the guy. But I need to mention he watches a whole lot of porn. So go figure. I am very sexual and love sex. But I have always looked past that due to him being a good man. But now, theres nothing to hold on to. I am completley in love with him. I could really be with him for life, but he has really been showing me another side I cant be with. on top of all that I am 5 months pregnant and so misrable. I am depressed and fight hard to make it through a day without wanting to break down. I am a teacher so I really need to keep it toghther. I cant even tell my friends what I go through due to the embarresment. We always attended family events together before, but now its never, they just always ask where is------? I feel ashamed and angerd that I wasted everyones time and effort with throwing a wedding. We havent talked in 4 weeks because he is impossible to communicate with. He just says I making this all up. I am seeking a divorce but they said I have to wait for 2 months to file because I am pregnant. I have asked him to leave but says hes not going anywhere,(Continues to stay in the basement.) and there will be not divorcing going on, that he loves me. Whatever. I have told him his actions show different.
I cant beleive this happenes after I got prgnant and married, boy you think you know someone after 7 years. Any advice?

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-09-2008, 09:56 AM
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Re: Pregnant and wanting a divorce

Unfortunatelly you are not the first person going through something like that. Many people change radically once they find themselves with the "signed legal paper" that is marriage. Before that, there was always the uncertainty that the partner could just go free, because there was no legal bound, and now they are in there at least for a while. Some say is a syndrome... I'd say why marry if basically it is just a paper? I'm not one that believes in marriage. And I would recomend that you divorce him. Maybe he'll change and get back to the way he was before and who knows, you might end up together again. And Forget about being embarrased with the people around you. If they love you, they'll understand your decision. And if they don't love you, do you really care what they think?
I wish you the best of lucks.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-09-2008, 10:05 AM
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Re: Pregnant and wanting a divorce

Do not be a human sacrifice. It is not attractive and it is a waste of your precious - youthful life. Do not settle for less. You are the conductor of your life, not any one else. If you keep trying to fix the problem when he is in denial, you will be setting yourself up for failure. You do not want to wake up one day and find out that you have wasted precious youthful years with someone that will not appreciate what you bring to life. In addition, do you want this type of father influencing your child? I would go forward with your plans. If he should wake up someday, maybe you will reconsider and allow him back in to your life. You are the only one in control of your future; he is not unless you allow him to.

Be a stand for your happiness and your unborn child’s happiness. Please try to create an environment that is healthily and peaceful for you and your unborn child. For you to experience all this negative stress during your pregnancy is very unhealthily for your unborn child. Do what you have to do to protect the environment that your unborn child is in now. If you change your environment and if you change your thoughts, you can create happiness for you and your baby. Good luck and take care!!
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-09-2008, 12:41 PM
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Re: Pregnant and wanting a divorce

Is there any reason why he has suddenly started binge drinking? Recently lost a job maybe?

Could it be that having a baby scares him? I don't know if this was a planned pregnancy. perhaps the sudden thought of all the responsibility has been too much for him to deal with. He doesn't sound like the most mature individual, and you sound like you are not thinking straight through depression and pregnancy.

Perhaps you could talk to him about the two of you going to see a counsellor, to work things out. If he loves you, he'll want to help you, and want to straighten himself out.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-09-2008, 04:14 PM
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Re: Pregnant and wanting a divorce

It sounds to me like he might have an alcohol problem. Having grown up with a father that had one I would say the best thing for you and your child is to separate and hope that he will hit rock bottom.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-09-2008, 09:43 PM
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Re: Pregnant and wanting a divorce

In this case, I think that your pregnancy hormones might be making everything worse. So you've been married for almost as long as you've been pregnant, you may just be more upset about things because you are pregnant. I absolutely HATED my husband for the first 6 months of my sons life, and then all the sudden, it switched off. It is so weird how those hormones work. But i will say that it does look like he has a drinking problem and a problem with porn and that he should seek professional help for both. I think that as his wife, you have the right to demand he seek that help. I think that you have the right to ask that he have NOTHING to do with porn. I think that after he gets the appropriate help, then you can feel better about a decision to leave or stay. I would definitely say that you should stick with it a little longer in the chance that it might work for your child. If he does get help for the drinking and porn, things really could change, and I think its worth a shot.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-10-2008, 08:51 AM
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Re: Pregnant and wanting a divorce

Here is an idea altho kind of extreme. Why not set a video camera up on the counter some were. Let it run and record a day. Then the two of you sit down and review it. It can be quite an eye opener for both sides. I am a firm beleaver that it takes two people to make a marriage and two to break it up. The problem is, we only see the faults in the other person. I'm not saying you have faults but if he is saying your just making everything up then show him your not.

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