gabby

I've been married for 16yrs, and can honestly say it has never been a happy marriage. We do have one child together she is 13. I think i stayed before because of her and because i didn't think i could make it on my own. I've always had a good job, but there were bills (still are). Probably worst now. We moved closer to both our parents so i thought this would be better for us ummmm NO...
The last 4 years have been the worst, i live in a sexless marriage and no emotion. I leave for work in the morning and just say bye, there hasn't been an I love you for a very long time. As for the sex, we have done it only once a year in the last 4. I do not include him in anything. And yes i do think of having an affair who wouldnt. I tried talking to him about my feelings and the way he makes me feel and i get the "ya right". You see i quit smoking 3 years ago and gain some weight, not to the point overly huge, but i know i did. comes with quitting a bad habit (i started again) the stress is to much wiht him. Below is something i got off the intenet. check out how many times i answer yes. the title was i think (are you ready to leave)something like that

Does every situation, no matter how seemingly trivial, evolve into a fight? YES

Do you or your spouse continually refer to hurtful events in the past? YES

Is all the respect gone from your relationship? Do you feel it is impossible to bring that respect back? YES

Have your goals and directions changed whereas your partner's have stayed the same? (Or vice versa.) YES

Is your partner no longer fostering your individual growth? YES

Have you and your partner both changed so much that you no longer share moral, ethical, or lifestyle values? YES


Have you and your spouse lost the art of compromise? When you disagree, are you unable to forge a path together that is acceptable to both? YES

Do you and your spouse have a basic sexual incompatibility? Do you feel completely unattracted to each other? Despite help from professional therapists, have you stopped making love? YES

Now the reason i am writing on here is that now things have gotten complicated, he isn't working. He got laid off 2 weeks ago, i keep giving him suggestions and he keeps making excuses. we need his pay to make the payments.this isnt cutting it at all. I was leaving him the house, i really don't want to be there. A couple of years ago he wasnt happy in his job so he went out to work wiht his brother in law, well that horrible. Becuase dear brother in law would let cheques bounce, so of course we fell behind in mortgage payments. so its been downhill ever since.

I'm only 43 and i feel older because of the way we are. I don't want to be in this. I want more for myself and i know i deserve better.

JB

swedish

I'm sure the financial stress from him losing his job isn't helping your situation at the moment. I can understand that you cannot go on the way things are. If you speak with your husband seriously about how you feel, he may get the wake-up call he needs to start listening and doing something about it. If he is unwilling to want to change things for the better, you deserve to be happy. The only thing I will add is that divorce will not make all of these issues disappear (I've been there) Although I am in a happy marriage now, since I have 3 children (all with my ex) we are still in contact and I still deal parenting issues in his home, his lack of work/ability/desire to pay child support, etc. so there are certain things you may not like that will follow you should you decide to leave. I would see if you can salvage your marriage but if not, have calm discussions with your husband regarding raising your daughter, etc. to minimize any anger he may have should you decide to go.

draconis

Worst case is the house has to be sold and the equity divided. This also helps to protect your credit rating too. Tell him that you want a divorce but don't want to "hurt" him on the way out. Let him know that if he is willing to be reasonable with things so are you.

draconis