I'll try to make a long story short.... I was married to a man for 10 years who destroyed all trust that I had in men, or anybody really for that matter. He lied, cheated, made me feel worthless, it was an all around bad marriage. I finally had the courage to get out of the relationship.
Fast forward 3 years and I'm now married to a wonderful man who treats me great. The only problem is I can't find it in myself to trust him. I think I've fallen into that mentality that all men cheat, and can't be trusted. I know it's wrong of me to think that way, but I can't seem to stop. Everytime he's late getting home, I think he's up to something. We chat though out the day though email, and if I haven't heard from him in awhile, I think he must me chatting with someone else. When he goes out alone, I imagine him flirting with other women. I'm constantly trying to catch him in a lie, or prove that he's up to something. I know this is all my problem, but I don't know how to fix it. He knows that I have trust issues, but he doesn't know to what extent. We don't have insurance that would cover counseling, so that's not an option. Has anyone else delt with something like this, or have any idea's on how to deal with this? I'm afraid if I can't get it under control it will ruin my marriage.
The key is not to learn to trust men, its to learn to trust yourself again !
and also by doing this, it will help you rebuild your confidence and self worth, self esteem.
It's not men you need to learn to trust, but to trust yourself and your judgement. With that will come the ability to know who to trust and to throw fear based delusions out of your thoughts...
the acdeptance you cannot control others actions, only your reaction to them, and you will have gained the inner strength to do the right thing ( your reaction) should it happen again.
This is a maturity thing as we can never control what another person does, only our reaction to them...
and as adults we must learn not be be dependent on anothers persons love to be happy. It is up to each person to be whole.
Co-dependency and being controlled by others actions is not the way to go. In order to do this, you have to learn to stand on your own 2 feet and trust in your own judgement and have the personal resourses to follow through with what you must do in life.
We are only responsible for our own happiness in a relationship, not the partners.