thank you for your replies - i am pleased to say that i reached breaking point yesterday and spilled it all to him and then he came home from work to get things sorted - it was a very difficult few hours but we're in a much better place than this time yesterday! preso
, you are right in what you said and that was what was causing the anger in me - i knew full well i was right in what i was thinking but the circumstances leading to my husband's responses are none of his fault and i am totally understanding of them - to answer recent cloud
's question he got a chronically bad back through nothing more than working hard for 16 years as a joiner and has had more than 2 years off and remedial surgery - i cannot begin to describe the pain he's gone through and his mental state because of it was normal and expected - a full depression on top of the physical pain and finding out he has a life long spinal condition put paid to any useful communication for a long time...
we also have 2 small children (youngest 5 months) and their wellbeing and quality of life has been our priority, often at the expense of our marriage but that was the hand we were dealt at the time - we're adults and can recover, they are children and we only get to shape their young lives once... new beginnings
, almost exactly what you said, happened - instead of a very angry response from a man depressed and hurting i got the calm response of a man in recovery and back at work - he still has a long way to go to regain his former sense of self but this time when i said something he was ready to hear it and the conversation went well - he knows now how i'm feeling and i got a lot of clarity about the reality of the situation - not just my take on it...
i now know i am grieving for the last 3 years, all the things which happened (a lot more than the bad back and none of it brought on by ourselves - being stiffed for a lot of money, losing our dream life by the coast and having to go and stay with my family with a tiny baby - my severe PND - the subsequent work we've put in to get back to our life and the health problems making that all the more difficult) and its going to take me time to get over it all BUT we are back at the coast, he is in a job he loves which suits his back, the children have not been adversely affected by it all and finally i have summoned the courage to make my needs known and got the response i needed
lits going to take a lot more hard work to sort things out between us so you may have to bear wit me coming and pouring my heart out from time to time but ours is a very optimistic situation i feel today