Hopeful - you are a bit confused right now.
This is not about her childhood. Stop making excuses for her. This conversation must be about what you NEED from her to be happy. If my wife did not want to hug/kiss/have sex with me that would not be acceptable.
No real man is going to go for a wife who freezes him out. It is simply not acceptable within a marriage.
With that said, you need to find out if there are any physical things that are repelling her.
I usually brush my teeth before kissing my wife - fresh breath is nice. I shower every day - and always shower just before bed/sex. I get my hair cut the way she likes. I dress the way she likes. So the pattern is simple: Anything that she has a valid vested interest in - that my effect her desire level - I do it her way without hesitation. Hey I want her to enjoy looking, smelling, touching me.
But behavioral stuff is different. If she is being a ***** for no good reason - I give it back to her in a firm male way. I don't get loud or nasty - I just do what you should do when someone is taking out a bad day on you.
And I cook and help around the house. But just to be a good partner. I don't do it so she will do anything with me. She touches me all the time because she likes to and I touch her all the time because I like to.
But affection and sex are not optional in marriage. And her childhood is not really relevant. If you push the right buttons she will want to touch/have sex with you. If you act submissive you are lost.
Originally Posted by hopefulinok
Thanks for the reply. I have had in the back of my mind that i have been to nice to her and need to take a stand but am not one for conflict so i just bite my tongue a lot. I hope it is not too late to do this. I had come to that conclusion last nite that i was going to start standing up to her so thanks for giving me that advise. As far as her keeping the kid by herself. I didnt explain that well enough. She has no problem keeping her. She has a very good job and only works monday wed and friday so she keeps her every Tuesday and Thursday without any problems. I am off every other Friday so i keep her those days without any problems. That is why i know that she is just trying to make me feel guilty by sending me those text messages and it does work. As far as when she quite showing emotions it was pretty soon after we got married when it started and has just gradually gotten worse. I know part of that stems back to her childhood becuase her mom told me one of her regrets was that she never showed any emotion with her husband in front of my wife and she thinks that is because her parents never kissed or hugged in front of her. I do not think that she doesnt love me i just cant figure out how to get her to show me she loves me. Thanks again for the words of encouragement.