My wife shows no affection, and doesnt believe in me
Ok guys Ive seem to have run into a little marriage problem and I just dont get it.
Me and my wife have been married for a little over 2 years, and our marriage has always been awesome, actually I think our marriage has only gotten better and I am still very much in love with my wife and she was with me too until recently, maybe she still is but shes not showing it.
Little back story first on how we met...
Me and my wife met about 3 and a half years ago on the internet, we would talk for hours everyday, some days 30 minutes some days up to 10 hours, on average probably about 3 hours a day, I would come home at lunch from work, I had only 30 minutes for lunch but would log on msn just to see her for 5 minutes, then head back to work, after work, usually I would see her for a little then I would go to the gym and after an hour or two come back home and spend a good number or hours talking to her via webcam, some days she would hang out with her friends, but those days we would constantly text each other. She lived in Mexico I in Canada and we had never met in person.
Before I met my wife kickboxing was my life for about 3 years, and martial arts all together for about 5 and a half years or so, I had gotten kind of tired of it and had decided to take a break for a few months or so, I didnt think it was the end of martial arts and kickboxing for me, I loved competing, I was competing only on the amateur level but dreamed of one day going pro. But like I said I had gotten pretty tired of it and felt I needed some time away. During this time I met this beautiful girl on the internet, and fell in love with her. Kickboxing no longer mattered to me as much, but every once in a while I would crave it alot, thats why I still always kept going to the gym, I would talk to her about sometimes how I missed fighting, she never really said to much about it, I got the feeling that she thought it was cool, but didnt like the idea of me getting punched.
Months passed and we met in person, I drove to mexico, it was about a 30 hour drive, we spent a week together and it was the best week of my life, 2 weeks later I got some more time off of work and drove down to mexico again to see her, I was only able to stay 1 and a half days but it was well worth it. During the next year or so I drove down to mexico four more times, the fourth time I got on one knee and we got engaged. She came back to canada with me and stayed here for 3 weeks. After 3 weeks she flew back to mexico to finish school. We only saw each other on webcam for the next 6 months, we were saving up for the wedding. We got married, our honeymoon was awesome, when we got back here to canada things started to change.
We were very much in love still, she wasnt able to work at first for about 2 years because of her not having her immigration, but she supported me everyday by getting up with me making me breakfast, at lunch I always came home she made me awesome mexican food, after work she would massage me, make dinner, and we spent the evenings watching movies and working out or taking the dogs for walks, sometimes we would go out on dates but usually didnt have too much money to spend but we were always happy just being together. A few times her family came here to visit and we have gone out to mexico to visit, she misses her family but keeps in touch with them by internet and phone. I feel bad for her sometimes but try to be there for her as much as possible.
For the past 6 months we both work, she works part time, some weeks fulltime. We still leave each other love notes around the house, she still makes me lunch everyday. She normally works only afternoons. She never wakes up in the morning with me anymore, which is totally fine with me, but she just isnt crazy for me anymore. I bring her flowers sometimes, kiss her and tell her I love her first thing in the morning, throughout the day I compliment her, I feel crazy for her everyday but seems to me she doesnt feel crazy for me. I am usually done work a couple hours before her, so I hit the gym then, she no longer goes to the gym with me, she lost interest I think. Usually she makes supper one day, I make supper the next day, making food together with her is a nightmare, its all her way or the highway it seems. Any work around the house she doesnt trust me with, I do the dishes every day usually several times, overall I clean but bits here and there, she goes on a complete cleaning spree about once or twice a week, the rest of the time shes not a very clean person. She thinks she is though. I pick her up after work and week drive home together she asks me about my day, but often before I can even answer she talks about hers. So I listen and ask, I talk to her, the rest of the evening she doesnt seem to care how my day was. I am ok with it though, I love hearing about her day, I dont like talking about my job all the much cuz its not all that interesting. Overall I would say our marriage is pretty good, at first I would never really clean around the house, but for the past 6 months have improved alot in this area. I always show my love to her and am always complimenting her, kissing her. Most of the time she doesnt kiss back, only small pecks, its hard to kiss her for more than 1 second.
Life in the bedroom has gotton gradually worse. When we married we were both virgins, so maybe this is part of the problem. I am the one craving sex all the time, she hardly ever initiates sex, I used to get upset, and we talked about it. I was sometimes too rude in the way I said it, but have worked on that. Ive gone to countless marriage websites, how to be a better husband, how to get your wife to be in love with you, how to get your wife to initiate sex, etc, etc, I have googled them all, and have worked hard at it. And sometimes I get better results, but most of the time she just doesnt seem interested in sex, she loves it like crazy the stuff I do to her, I can tell, she loves the act of sex, but doesnt seem interested in initiating, she doesnt like to return oral sex, unless I ask for it and at that point I am kind of turned off by it, I hate asking for certain sexual acts, so I have tried talking to her about it in a very nice way. She always feels insulted, and sometimes says thats all I ever think about is sex. Although she will never say no to sex, it sometimes seems like I am having sex with a blow up doll, where all the sexual acts are because of my desire, at first sometimes she tried different oral techniques, but seems to have lost interest. We have bought some sex toys, but she never seems interested to use them. I love my wife, I feel crazy for her and am very attracted to her. She used to love it when I touched her, either in a sexual way or non sexual way, she hardly responds to it anymore. I massage her alot, but that will always put her to sleep, and once she feels tired, she doesnt come out of it for the rest of the evening. So I sit there feeling rejected. I have talked to her about joining the gym again, but she doesnt seem too interested, she lacks energy all the time, but I tell her that would make her feel better and more energetic, she usually doesnt respond to me saying that. She feels bad at least a few times a week, either with headaches, or just sore, or just not in the mood.
Over the last 2 and a half years I have mentioned numerous times that I would like to go back to kickboxing, I loved to go back to training to fight, she is very opposed to it. When I first mentioned it she started to cry. So I always feel bad, over our marriage Ive talked about it to her countless times that kickboxing and martial arts are a very big part of me, she sees it as useless, and doesnt want a husband who comes home bruised and beaten up. I tell her that in all my bouts I never got hurt bad, that theres always the chance of getting hurt but tell her I could get hurt at work too, I dont love my job so much that I want to stay there the rest of my life, I love it for what it is, thats a pay check to pay check job, nothing to make a career out of. She tells me to go to college or take a course and become a personal trainer. I tell her I would love to do that one day, but feel like I am still an athlete, and would love to compete because I am only 23 years old and have too much energy and love for fighting and martial arts, but she totally opposes all that.
She sometimes watches ufc and boxing with me, she gets interested sometimes, at first she didnt but sometimes she ever cheers along with me. So she has gotten more exposure to fighting.
So this last week I decided to finally go back to kickboxing, I talked it over with her first but she didnt like it. I told her I just wanted to train for now, just for the workout. She still didnt like it. So I went, when I came home she would hardly speak to me. She just went to bed. 2 days later I was getting ready to go again. She seemed in a better mood, when she asked me where I was going or if I was going anywhere, I told her to go train. She turned over, I went over to talk to her, but she wouldnt look at me and and just cried. She told me to go that I would be late. But I said I am not going unless we can talk about it first. She said theres nothing to talk about. I stayed there with her and didnt go training. That was Thursday. Me and her havent had a proper conversation since, just basic stuff about our pregnant dog, about the weather and purses and dresses shes interested in buying online. But actually since tuesday she hadnt kissed me till this morning when I massaged her back before work, she give me a little peck. But wouldnt really say anything. It was more of a forced kiss. She hasnt smiled at me since tuesday. She told me wednesday night she didnt know if me and her were going to work. She said that the whole idea of me going to school was bull****. I told her that I am good at martial arts that thats what I love doing aside from spending time with her. But she still thinks martial arts is totally useless. I asked her to come and watch a class, but she said never. I asked her to support me in my training, but she said she couldnt do that, sounds like she doesnt want me to do what I love doing, and know I am good at.
I told her yesterday that if it just doesnt work for her that I compete in martial arts that I would love to just train, just workout. But she opposes that too, shes ok with me going to the gym, but anything to do with martial arts or kickboxing she is totally against.
I dont want to put fighting first, besides god my wife is number 1, fighting is after, thats my thinking. I told her I would never put fighting before her, just wanted her to support me in my training, and competing.
That is a long long story, and thank you for anyone who finished reading it. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.