Doll

Is anybody here in a May-December relationship?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. I've never been so happy in my life. He is a wonderful person, caring, respectful, a good dad (he has a 15yo from a previous marriage), he does everything to see me well and happy. Anyway, before him I never really knew how was to feel loved and cared for. Our age difference is the only thing that really bothers me. I'm 31 and he is 59yo. He is very fit and takes care of himself. I worry about the future with him being so much older than me. I want to have children and would very much like to have my partner with me helping me raise our kid together. Some people tell me not to worry about tomorrow because I have no control over it. I may be the one who is going to die first. Others tell me I could find somebody my age who is going to make me as happy. I'm afraid to give up this relationship and regret it later. But this age issue is making me crazy.
I would love to hear from other people who are married to older partners.
Anybody out there?

preso

Not me, I'm married, hence the reason I come here. It's not the same thing dating as being married. With marriage comes commitment from a very serious and legal standpoint. This is why I come here, to talk about marriage, not dating.
I always thought of may -december relationships as non commital and brief, which have none of the traits of marriage.

scarletblue

Well, I'm not married to someone older than me. I am married to someone younger. My husband is 12 years younger than I am. He married me with all my baggage, including 4 kids and a really messy divorce.

He was in his 20's when we got together and had wanted kids of his own. A very serious issue and I considered breaking it off so he could find that. He refused. We have been together for 7 years and married for 5. We have endured the occasional funny looks and whispers, as well.

Then there is my son. He is almost 24 and his long time girlfriend is 52. Yes, she is older than me. He and I have discussed all of the things you mentioned. I agree, you never do know. One other point is.......you could find someone younger, but what if you marry him and find out that either you or he can't have children?

Doll

Scarletblue, it's a hard situation. I already know that with him we would have to go through some sort of treatment to have children because he did a vasectomy. I don't care about other people looking at us funny or about the now. We have a great relationship and I would marry him tomorrow. I just worry about the future.

dobo

I dated a guy who was 21 years my senior and he did eventually ask me to marry him. I declined for reasons other than age. When I divorced he got back in touch and I decided that at that time, the age mattered more to me than it did before.

If you are worried about the age now, you probably don't love him enough to overlook it. And, that's OK. There is nothing wrong with wanting your partner with you and anyone who says age doesn't matter is not viewing the entire picture. I've been there with older guys for most of my life. My ex-husband is 13 years older than me. That wasn't bad. But, at times we were at two different stages.

I remarried a guy 1 year my Sr. And that fits. We both have kids and they're around the same age and it works for us. While we cannot control the future, we have a reasonable chance of managing to live into our old age together.

Does HE want children? Does he have the means and desire?