Question for women?

IMCONCERNED · 03-15-2008, 02:39 PM

I have been married for going on 30 years now and have always considered my marriage to be strong and have had no real reason to believe she has cheated on me. Lately, I have noticed what I feel is a difference in the way my wife treats me. To be more specific, at times, she seems somewhat distant and cold towards me. She seldom initiates a hug or kiss goodnight and sometimes seems bothered when I take the initiative. When I try to talk to her about it she will blame it on the stresses of her job or she will just get mad and say something like “what did I do now and how should I act.” which solves nothing. Some of the problem may be that I gained some weight recently, (about 35 pounds) and she did complain about that and I am trying to improve. (by the way, I have never complained about her weight when similar gains happened to her) Sex life is okay but she seems to want to get it done with quickly then there is no hugging or cuddling afterwards. I don’t mean to sound like whimp but I miss the affection we used to share.

Now, the reason I have suddenly become more concerned about our relationship. She was away from the house today so I thought I would try to do a little extra around the house so I started the laundry. In the pile of dirty clothes I found a pair of crotchless panties that I have never saw before. Actually, she has always been very conservative about clothing like that and I didn’t even know she owned anything like that. Additionally, they looked a little faded like they had been through the wash more than a few times so it’s not like she just got them.

Yes, there is more to the story, there always is, but I don’t want to write a our life story down.

So, should I be concerned about the clothing and should I ask her about them knowing that it will make her mad?

SageMother · 03-15-2008, 02:54 PM

This is a tough one. Did you suddenly notice her lack of affection or has it been going on for several years?

If you need to ask her about the crotchless panties, or find out something about them, why not ask her to wear them for you and see what happens? You might be able to tell from her reaction if there needs to be further discussion on the reasons for her having them, and NOT using them with you!

draconis · 03-15-2008, 04:47 PM

Crotchless panties are sometimes worn when women have a yeast infection or UTIs so it might not be that she was being sex for someone else but rather letting that area breath better.

I agree with sage's suggestion to ask her to model them for you. Chances are you will get something unusual for a reaction and you will have to go from there.

Have you ever put away your wife's clothes. Has she your's. Is there other clothing that seems strange to you?

draconis

IMCONCERNED · 03-16-2008, 04:10 AM

Can I change my name to IMFOOLISH because I overreacted big time. Here’s what happened; my son’s washing machine broke down so he brought his laundry out to our house. Like most sons, instead of doing it himself, he dumped it on good ole Mom and his clothes got mixed with ours and the crotchless panties belong to his girlfriend. Actually, had I looked at them better I would have realized that they were a few sizes too small for my wife. The good news is she got a real good laugh from my err.
We also had a heartfelt talk about the other stuff and we agree that we both have things to work on and I’m convinced things will improve.
It’s unusual for me to overact as I did…I obviously worried myself over absolutely nothing.

Part of me feels foolish for airing this out on a forum like this but if it helps someone else to not overreact as I did than it was worth it.

stav · 03-16-2008, 06:28 AM

LOL! Mr Foolish, I am so glad that all your fears turned out to be unfounded, I am sure it's a great releif.

You have discovered something valuable though, that communication is the key, always.

Also that even after 30 years of marriage (me too) there are still things to learn about being married and that it's easy to jump to totally wrong conclusions on the strength of one out of place item!

draconis · 03-17-2008, 05:40 PM

I am glad that in the end you could laugh at such a thing.

draconis

bhappy3 · 03-17-2008, 05:55 PM

That's funny... way funny. Did you let your son in on the joke?? I am always so curious to see parent child interaction when it comes to sex talk b/c to my parents it was totally taboo, no one talked about a thing. Will you share?? =)

reddevilmary · 03-18-2008, 12:09 PM

Wow, that is a great resolution.....I kept thinking in my mind while reading your first post...gee, wonder if he has a teenaged daughter, hope those undies don't belong to her!!!! LOL I knew a couple who had a teen daughter who started wearing thong undies, and the husband (who was the official laundry folder) went bonkers when he first saw them!!!!

teens.....yikes!

Hope your heart to heart talk went well....and is still yielding some good warm fuzzies...

Cindy · 05-20-2008, 02:09 PM

Please don't be embarrassed! That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Sooo glad it's turning out to be better. Congrats on 30 yrs! Hope we make it that far too!