michell

Hi this is my first post.Dont really have anyone to talk too so thought I would try here.
I have been married for 15 years this christmas.We were friends for 5 years before we started dateing.I truly thought I knew him.Belived him to be sweet and romantic,fun and loyal.And for some reason I thought for all these years he could change.He was all those things when I first met him but he had 2 bad relationships when we were just friends that really did a number on him and changed him.I dont know how to explain 15 years of history but i am sure we both have changed alot.I like to have fun and laugh at silly things.I love to cuddle and kiss and I would probablly have sex 5 times a week.It seems whenever I try to have sex with him there is something that happens to ruin it.I almost feel like he always starts a fight or will have some sort of issue.
He is a contractor and works long hours but geesh.
I am tired of all the fighting he always makes me feel like I am wrong about everything.He also likes to do something nice for me then throw it in my face for at least 2 weeks after that.
I have asked him to not scream and cuss but it seems when ever we have a disagreement it is blown out of proportion I cant sit and talk to him.
And to top it all off I just lost my job yesterday do to budget cuts. That has been thrown in my face 3 times already.He tells me all the time he loves me but he sure doesnt act that way.We cant afford counciling right now.Any advice?
I am ready to call it quits.
michell

JoLoPe

So sorry you are having such difficulties. Part of the "problem" you are likely having probably has to do with the fact that you are two different types of people. There are people who are the cuddly type, and those who are not. Oddly enough those who are not the cuddly type may appear to start out that way, and the more comfortable they become, the less inclined they are to be that way.

These two types of people - to add to the fun - have different communication styles, which doesn't help. I am not sure that any situation is ever helpless, but some should come to an end, and when they don't, things spiral into deeper levels of misery. There is a book by Cindi Sansone Braff that you might want to check out (you can search it on Amazon). It might give you some insight into what your relationship is/and where it is at the moment. She also has an internet radio show that you can check out.

In the meantime, I am a life coach (among other things) and if you thought it helpful to have a short conversation at no charge, you'd be welcome to call me. However, I'd likely give you a few ideas, and some resources, depending on what you said, and it would unlikely give you the "fix" you need.

Deep inside of you I suspect you know the answer. Sometimes it is just hard to act upon it.

All the best to you...

MEM11363

Why is he so mean to you? Doing something nice isn't nice if you proceed to use the nice act to make your spouse feel bad for a while. Being mean to someone who lost their job in this economy is also quite awful. Avoiding sex the way he does is also cruel. What is the reason you have stayed with him?

johnluvssarah

Are you members of any church? I think a lot of churches have some type of marriage counselling that they don't really charge for. Aside from that, if you're ready to call it quits then just have an all out conversation (which sounds like will turn into an argument) and tell him your sick of all of this and if it doesn't change you're gone. From the sounds of it, he probably won't change but it's worth a shot first. Life is too short to just be coasting along. You need to enjoy your life and if the person you're with isn't allowing that to happen and won't change then you really don't have any other choice unless you want to be miserable.

Peak in on our marriage at theperfecthusband3703.blogspot.com