My husband tells me he loves me, but makes no attempt to do the little things to show it?
How about the big things to show you he loves you if you think back in time? What's more important to you? The big or little things? Did you keep doing the little things to show HIM throughout the marriage?Sometimes you have to lead by example, specially with a person that might not KNOW how to do the little things and what those little things are.
I thought this separation would wake him up, but it hasn't.
If he still claims he loves you despite that, it might just be that he doesn't know how to do those little things.
Can you force love and intimacy? It's too painful staying in a marriage where intimacy doesn't exist. I don't want to hurt him, but how can I tell he really loves me and it's just not words?
You can't force it, but you can inspire it
If you've tried changing him simply by asking him to do stuff, you might as well give up.
Feelings are just feelings, they come and go. One day you love your spouse, the other you hate him. After 30 years you're bored of your husband and the other man is fresh, new, exciting, romantic. You probably crave that novel feeling of it all.
First decide which one you want. Yeah, sure, rekindling your marriage is possible, but only you can know how to, there isn't a manual for it, and it has the chance to fail.