LIZ

My husband and I are in our early twenties, been together for 2 years, married for 8 months (no kids). Before our marriage sex was good and frequent. Since we got married the sex is less frequent. At first the decline of our sex life bugged me, but then I rationalized it by coming to the conclusion that I have a stronger sex drive than my husband. I had attribute it to the fact that his job is very physically demanding. Yesterday, I tried to initiate sex with him and I could tell he was not interested so I left him alone and we doze off to take an afternoon nap. About an hour later I woke up and decided to go grab something to eat. To my surprise when I got home I caught my husband watching porn and masturbating. I was devastated and still am. I couldn't understand why he would rather masturbate than have sex with me. I felt that maybe something was wrong with me. As I tried to discuss why this was happening he said that it wasn't a big deal and that every guy does it. I told him I would understand if there was a lack of sex drive on my part, but there isn't. After I persisted with the discussion he finally broke down and confessed that he is very insecure about his body and that is the reason he would rather masturbate than have sex. He said he feels ashamed about his body and feels that he can't satisfy me. He has gain about 25-30 lbs since we've been married. That has never bugged me and I have never made any reference or joke about this weight/body. My question to all the males/females on the board. Does his explanation seem logical? Or did he just say that to make me feel that it had nothing to do with me and I would just drop it? Also where do we go from here?

swedish

It sounds like a plausible reason to me. In addition, if he is exhausted after work but still has sexual urges, it's easier to take care of it alone as he only has to worry about pleasing himself & the self-conscious issues don't come into play. I really doubt it has anything to do with you. He might need some verbal reassurance from you that he turns you on, etc. Maybe he would be more comfortable with some lights out sex once in a while? Another idea would be giving him a massage after a hard day at work...if it makes him feel good he may just forget about feeling self-conscious?

carmaenforcer

Don't feel bad LIZ, it does sound like your man is legitimately not feeling at the top of his game and is just a little self conscious about his weight and how you might feel about him or his inability to perform.
Porn women on the screen or in a magazine don't judge us and we don't have to worry about their needs or anything.
Sounds like a joke but for real that's part of the appeal.