We are a 40-is couple with a good marriage. I have a question about something I would like some opinions on. My wife recently attended one of those parties where the hostess is an agent for a lingerie line, maybe just bra's. I can't remember the name although it sounded familiar. However, during the course of the party, some of the ladies began to take photos of each other in various bra's. I was browsing through our joint email (we share alike, no privacy was broken) and noticed that the ladies have been emailing some of the pics to one another. I saw two pics of my wife in different bra's, one of which was rather modest in coverage and one in which she is wearing an average looking bra that is quite lacy as far as the fabric goes. Therefore, her nipples are somewhat visible through the cups. I'm sure some of the other husbands have seen these pics as I have and I'm a little uncomfortable with this. I asked my wife about it briefly and she said that pics are always taken at one of these parties and that it's just a girl thing. She showed or stated no concern that other men have surely seen her in the pics or the fact that her nipples are visible. I would like to hear from other guys as to whether you think I'm over-reacting and also from the ladies: would you mind if similar pics were taken by friends and emailed to each other, knowing that they may be seen by someone other than your female friend? Has this in fact been done by anyone here?
I have never been to a lingerie party, and for myself, I would probably not enjoy knowing my picture was being emailed, even if it was just to other women at the party. However that is my own self esteem issues, and other women may not mind. I don't believe either is wrong or right.
I think you are being sensitive. She didn't try to hide it from you, and didn't lie about it when asked, therefore she doesn't feel she is doing anything wrong, and she can't control what other women email to each other. If it bothers you that much, just politely ask her to not participate in taking pictures at the parties in the future, or ask that her friends not send her picture out.
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Re: Pics of Wife in Bra Disturbing
I don't think you are over reacting. I wouldn't be comfortable with it either especially since the husbands may be acquaintances of mine also. Discuss it with her and ask her to understand and respect your boundaries.
Context is everything. From what little I know of these things, the goal is about helping the woman identify what is flattering, and makes them happy. I believe photos are taken for reference - they also do some pretty precise measuring. My spouse went to one after children and nursing, it was specifically for bras. I don't believe the photos are meant to be provocative.
If it makes you uncomfortable, so be it, but I would file this one under "choose your battles wisely."
Depending upon how you choose to approach the subject with your wife, will determine the impact and outcome of that conversation.
In the scheme of things, I just wouldn't dwell on it much. Is your concern that you saw photos of your wife, or you saw photos of your wifes friends and found them arousing, which in turn made you wonder who has seen your wife?
If it helps I will mention that I dont know any other couples that share email so not every husband has seen it. I understand why you are upset though. Those are very sensitive photos that she is allowing to be distributed. I wonder if she is embarrassed to ask the other women not to send them. Although I think that she should be a bit more responsive to your concerns please rest assure that she most likely didnt think that you would mind.
Bill I would be SO pissed off! But then I'd think about it alot and get over it. Tell her how you feel, tell her that it hurts your feelings (which it does, don't be shy about that), and that if she cares for your feelings she will not have any more photos taken of her in a bra.
Then get over it. If everything else is good, don't let something stupid ruin it. Be mad, vent, express, communicate yours self clearly and don't let petty things f up your enjoyment of your wife and your life.
Well, I have never been to one of those parties, and I thought I'd been to them all. The problem I have is that no matter how comfortable I may have been with my friends....you have no control what happens with pics of you once they hit the internet.
One email to an idiot who misuses the picture and you're in trouble. Stuff like this can come back and bite you in the butt real easy. What if someone at work ends up with it and the boss ends up seeing it, etc? What if someone's teenage son ends up with it?
Yes, it could start out as getting an opinion on what is flattering, but a couple "forwards" from now, that is lost in the shuffle.
Photoshop can make a innocent photo into something XXX rated.
They even have xray filters for solid fabrics.They can manipulate the pics and see through the fabrics.
That said,If it was my wife I would be madder then hell,not because of the pics themselves but because she has never and has stated she will never let me take pics of her,in underwear or nude.I would feel betrayed.
Also breasts in the USA is a nudity area,it is erotic to see them.Even when a lady is nursing.However I feel that if a woman wanted to walk down the street without a top it should be allowed.Men go shirtless alot in the summer,I say remove the taboo and level the playing field.
I am twisted different then most males.I find it erotic to know my wife is looked at with lust from other guys.Oddly I am threatened by Females looking at her in this way,mostly because they can give something I can never give with them being a female.
You need to talk to her,not in anger or nothing like that.You need to explain calmly why it makes you upset.If she still does not understand,ask her if it would make her feel weird that you were trading pics of your man bits with your buddies so you could judge the fit of some underwear.
Hey Bob,these look good on me?
Yeah John,the really bring out the overall tone of.....
I've been to one of those parties--it was about lingerie and some things that could be sexy without being "sex toys"--and in the context of the party sometimes you can discuss a little more openly with other women around things that other women might not normally just bring up in conversation. Thus, trying on different bras and taking pictures in and of itself seems appropriate from what I know of the parties. The idea is to try on something and have another lady say "How's this look on me?" I could even see taking photos and then I'd send the photo to say "See? Here's how nice this looked on you!"
The trouble is just like scarletblue says! You have no control what happens with pics of you once they hit the internet. One email to an idiot who misuses the picture and you're in trouble. ...What if someone at work ends up with it , or some with the Photoshop skills that Tweak mentions. In that instance it may have been meant as private fun between ladies but it turned into inappropriate XXX photos seen around the internet!
Thus, even though the intent was trusting and innocent, I'd think it behooves Bill's wife to realize that she could be compromised and ask that the photos be deleted by the person who has them and please don't send out anymore. I don't think it was meant to cause XXX issues but it could oh so easily go there!
ok differing point of view from most. I would not be upset in any way.
Like you indicated. there was nothing to it, in that she didnt make a secret of it.
Do you find your wife attractive? Then its fair that other men might also. Its your relationship that should keep you two true to each other, not keeping her covered up.
I think you could be happy for her that she was able to be with the girls and have girl fun. Many women are very insecure about their bodies. These parties or activities probably have a support group effect, them telling each other how nice they look.
Yea. I really would not be upset at all. Tell her the pics were great and she should be a model.
Assuming you saw some of the pics then YOU are the one that other husbands should be worried about right?
haha Your not going to like this... but take it to another level.
Make her wear very convering clothes, a burka!!
Of course thats ridiculous. Just pointing out that everyone has a different line.
of course im assuming that your the one (maybe only one) who breached the circle. The ladies im sure are respectful of each others privacy. To me your wife should have been more careful with their privacy.
If its ladies sending it to other ladies... to me, its no big deal. Can they get out, sure they can. But that can happen in any venture. Speak to her about, but please don't make a big fuss over it. I really see this as a non issue. Sometimes when everything is fine, we look for things to go wrong...