Epiphany - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 11-29-2009, 10:27 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In a house, or in a clinic.
Posts: 660

I think I have finally figured out what's wrong with our relationship. I won't bore you with details, but let's just say my marriage is currently somewhere between the ER & road kill.

Anyway, I was at Cost Co the other day, and I was going to pick up a GPS unit for her mom as a retirement party gift. GPS units aren't cheap, but they aren't break the bank expensive either. They're about two-hundred bucks, or at least the one's I was looking at were. Well, there was a coupon for 80 bucks off, limit two. My wife has a birthday this week and I knew she has always wanted a GPS unit, so I figured WTF. I didn't feel like buying her a gift, serving her papers perhaps, but as I said WTF, she has always wanted a GPS.

It would be an understatement to say we haven't been getting along. In fact, I have been heavily leaning towards divorce as of late. However, I bought her that stupid GPS unit, and I found that by doing something nice for her, I suddenly felt nicer towards her. No, I am not trying to woo my wife back with gifts, but I could definitely perceive a strong link between my actions and my subsequent positive feelings, so I thought I'd pass it along.

What I am saying, is that if you don't feel close to your spouse, do the unthinkable and give them a gift. I'm not saying it has to even be bought, but do somethig nice for them. Something thoughtful and considerate, and try it and see if your feelings towards them don't change for the better. That's my epiphany. As a couple, we have basically "cut out" doing nice things for each other, waiting for the other to make the first concession. Waiting for the other to "show weakness", and now I can see how much that has lead to the breakdown of our relationship, because we had stopped investing in the other.

People think mistakingly, that it's what the other person does for them that makes them happy. No, it's what you do for the other person that cements a relationship and makes you happy. Why else do you love your kids? Do they take you nice places? Buy you expensive gifts? Shower you with compliments? No, no, and no again. You love them, non-withstanding biological arguments, because you invest your time, energies, and resources into them, and where those things are so shall your heart be. LIL

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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 11-29-2009, 01:27 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,150
Re: Epiphany

i have had the "you dont do anything for me" feelings before, it just feeds the resentment. but my reaction has always been to stop trying so hard, i cant help it.
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