I've been away for awhile (since July, actually) dating my stbxw. Well, during the early stages of our dating and getting to know each other again, I posted here (STBXW says I'm still in the running!
) my feelings of being used and having to win my wife back even though she's the one who cheated on me, yadda yadda.
You guys said it would not end well.
And it didn't.
Let me expound (vent)...
Things were going very well, or so it seemed from May till about early October. We were agreed about getting the no-contest divorce. We began talking about getting re-married if everything worked out. We vacationed in Myrtle Beach, went to concerts, parties and just generally hung out. And had sex. Everything was great.
Things started changing slowly, and even though I saw it, I really didn't respond the way I should've.
First: Before me and my ex began dating again, I was dating other women who I wasn't serious with, but hell I was lonely. When the possibility of having my wife back presented itself, I was hesitant to give that up because I wasn't sure if me and my ex would really last. So I held onto the other women. My ex, on the other hand, was also still dating, one (to my knowledge) of the guys was the one she cheated on me with initially. Apparently, she still had really strong feelings for him. So, we were both seeing other people.
Second: While she initially agreed to the divorce, she began questioning it, and saying it wasn't necessary since we were getting back together. But my rationale was, we're not living as man and wife, and I really just wanted to start over from scratch. But she started resenting the idea.
Third: Even though we were both seeing other people, she would always get jealous about the women I was seeing. But why? She had men on the side, too!
Finally, she told me she wanted more of my attention, and that she liked the chase, and wanted to feel like she was the prize that she was. So I said, I don't like being in this competition, and I don't feel like you're doing the same for me. But, I wanted my wife back, so I agreed to give her more of my attention.
Things were going well for a while, and then a crucial day struck (Oct. 20). I hadn't seen her for about a week, and I asked if she could come by. She said she was going to the beauty salon to get my daughter's hair done and to meet her there. She gave me the address and I told her I'd be there.
Well, when I get there, she's smoking weed in the car (this is normal for her; all day, every day) and VERY much annoyed that I showed up. I told her if I'm bothering her, I'll turn right around and go home, but she insisted I stay.
So, we sat in the car while she smoked (I do not smoke cigarettes or weed or anything, so I suffered through this) in silence. I tried to ask what was wrong and she just said she needed a minute to herself. Okay, but you TOLD me to come here!
So, she finishes the weed and we go in the salon where my daughter is still having her hair styled. We sit in silence some more, my ex sitting with a scowl that I haven't seen since the first time I outed her affairs. Then, my phone goes off. Of course, it's another woman, so I just put the phone away without answering it.
Her: "Hmmph... so you have *****es calling your phone?" I said, "am I supposed to forget about your booty call buddies?" Five minutes later, she receives a text and she made sure to read it and that I see her doing it. I snicker to myself because I'm thinking, "shouldn't throw stones when you live in a glass house"... what an idiot I was. That day was the beginning of the end.
The next morning, my ex drops my daughter off with me and I move in to give her a kiss, tell her how nice she looks and wish her a good day, like I did every day since we started dating again. She pulls back. "I don't have time". She saw the bewilderment on my face. Finally, she leaned in for a quick kiss and left. I tried contacting her later. She never responded.
The next day, daughter gets dropped off again. This time, I asked her to take me to the cleaners since it's on her way. You should've seen the look of utter disgust I got. She reluctantly agreed but only so she could tell me that she feels I'm smothering her and she needs space. I explained that she told me she WANTED me to give her more of my attention, and that really, I hadn't given her THAT much more attention... it had only been about two weeks since the request. I called her at work and asked if she had plans for the weekend, and she said no, maybe we could do something.
Great. Weekend comes. I call. No answer. Another call, no answer. Finally she calls me back and tells me she's done with me and that she needs to get her life together and that she needs, time, space, whatever. She doesn't want any contact with me or from me unless it's about our daughter. Just like that.
What hurt the most was, when we were dating, I was scheduled for knee surgery and she agreed to come with me and bring me home. She scheduled the day off work and everything. Well, the day before the surgery (she had dropped me just the weekend prior), she called my job and said, "let one of your other *****es take you". And that she wasn't going to be the nurturing, mother-type I wanted her to be (well, she never was, and that was always a problem). Now granted, we're not seeing each other anymore; but I'm still your husband, I'm still the father of your child and I was still a friend (at least I thought I was/could be).
That was the final straw. I realized there would never be anything real between us. She **** on me for the last time.
Now, my friends, did I do anything wrong here? Granted, you're only getting my side of the story, but I'm typing it as best as I remember it. I really tried to get this woman back. By the time she dumped me, I had told the other women that I was trying again with my wife, and that I was sorry I wasted their time. I cut them off, and a week later, my ex cut me off.
I just don't see why if she needs time and all that, why does she have to cut me out altogether? Further, why are the guys she was dating still allowed her time, but I'm just cold dropped with renewed anger, vitriol and bitterness? What did I do to deserve that? Why couldn't we at least be friends?
So, here I am, more angry than sad that I lost my wife again to those other guys, this time for the last time.
Sorry to make you read so much but I'm eagerly awaiting responses.