Originally Posted by magmag
We have decided on marriage counseling but he really does not have faith that it will work. He's trying because we have 2 kids.
He kissed me yesterday, like really kissed me, to see if he felt anything. He says he's not sure if he did or not. He says that he loves me but we are just 2 different people.
This kiss experiment is very revealing about your husband. He appears to be seeking "lost feelings". This is very common in women who have been married to a subordinate man who changes his personality and habits to accommodates her wishes. Over time, she finds that the "perfect" man that she has created seems "useless" to her, leaving her "dead inside". This often leads to a search for the missing feelings of romance and excitement, usually in the form of an affair.
I am not sure what would cause a man to loose his feelings for his wife. It probably does not matter, since what you really need is a solution. There are two versions.
One line of thought is "nature". That is to say, the solution to the problem is for the unloved partner to embrace traditional male/female roles of dominance/submission.
The other line of thought is "nurture". That is to say, the solution to the problem is for teenage-brained "feelings seeker" to grow up and realign his/her priorities with modern values such as duty and family, which bring their own form of contentment.
Good luck. Sorry your H wants to be a teenager again. These feelings are usually called a mid life crisis. Most people are mature enough to shake it off. Some selfish individuals cannot see past their own desire, no matter the damage done to children, spouse, and a life built together.