Kristina1

HEy I just got a question for the moms that arent together with the dads of their kids anymore. If you were remarried and your husband didnt feel comfortable with baby daddy coming over to see his kid would you respect those boundaries or allow it to happen anyway. And this is when the baby is 2 in half not a newborn. MY husband has a 2 in half yr old with his X who he was very sneaky with for along time ( she ended up emailing me that they were still hooking up) I confronted him and he denied...this was about a year ago. Now were married and about to have a baby. Him and her werent getting along for alittle becus she started to be very spiteful once we got married 4 months ago. Well now they are getting along again and she told him he can come visit their son the other day at her house... he had alittle fever. So i told him I was not comfortable with him going to her house and feel that it crosses boundaries and he should respect my feelings. I feel there are boundaries in seperated families esp when ur remarried. Its not just about him anymore. What do you all think? The outcome of the hole fight he left anyway (thursday night) and hasnt come back home. Think he's staying at his moms house. I dont even know because he doesnt call or anything. This is his answer to everything... run and ignore.

Sven

Wow, this is rough. I'm sorry for you.

Normally I would say it wouldn't be a problem for a parent to visit a child. But if your husband is cheating on you with his ex, then the course here is crystal clear. He must CEASE CONTACT with her. There is no way for your marriage to survive.

Maybe there is some way you can pick up his child, or a grandparent can intervene. If no contact isn't possible, then at minimum you should always be present.

It is not acceptable to use a child as a means to carry on an affair.

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swedish

I have 3 children with my ex and have been remarried for 8+ years...my ex remarried 2 months after we divorced and there has never been any desire to 'hook up' again or anything like that so our only contact is in relation to our children. We usually meet 1/2 way for visitation but there have been a few occasions where he has come to our home to pick them up or I have gone to his and the kids want to show him their room, etc.

Bottom line, I don't see a need to put a boundary that would not allow him inside to see his kids' rooms...if it helps them and doesn't hurt our marriage....going to their sporting events, school things, etc. will eventually happen for you too and it's important that both parents are there for and support their kids and leave the drama out of it.

Your situation is different if your husband has been fooling around with his ex and if she is still trying to pursue him. His reaction also seems very childish (running away) and doesn't seem to be working to making you feel secure within your marriage.

swedish

Great suggestion.

scarletblue

This is just a tad confusing. If he hasn't cheated on you with his ex, then he knows she is trying to destroy your marriage about lying to you and saying he is. I don't see why he would want to go over to her house without you if that were the case. I mean, what kind of person tries to destroy someone's marriage?

I have 4 kids with my ex husband, and I have remarried. I really can't be of much help here because I can barely stomache being around my ex. We have, of course, been to the same school events, but honestly, I just want to throw up when I see him. We did invite him over one 4th of July to watch the fireworks, but that was my current husband's idea.

I think that if the situation were different and I got along with my ex, I would also respect my current husband and make sure I didn't do anything that would make him uncomfortable.

One last thought....he gets along with his ex, but he leaves you for days without even a phone call? WTF?