Thank you for your advice and sharing your husband's perspective. The insight helps. Just out of curiousity, considering your husband's past, any advice on what it takes to maintain a person's interest when they've had that type of past? I can't tell if being attached to my best friend is the main factor, but at times I lose hope in being able to maintain a relationship since, in the beginning, everyone seems to be on their best behavior during the courting stage. It's after that, that maintaining interest can be scary (especially since people start to resort to past behaviors once they feel comfortable with a person). Would greatly appreciate any advice.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply
I think what has kept my husband's interest over the years is our overall sexual chemistry and life interests. He said that the night he met me, it was our common interests that he really got him hooked. It was the way I talked to him. We didn't actually sleep together until we had gotten to know each other better. I was just being myself and not trying to be anything different. But because we had the same goals in life, he was very interested. And as the relationship went on, we've grown intimately even through our rough patches.
I think he was also attracted to my feistiness. We fought a lot because of it sometimes. But he knew I didn't necessarily give in to everything he talked about like every other woman he had been with. He never likes to admit he liked it...(I say liked, because as I've aged, I've become less stubborn and more accepting). But I know that's partially why he was so enthused to be with me. I give him grief sometimes still, but nothing in comparison. And he loves my mellow attitude now too.... maybe even more than my feistiness.
My advice is...when you meet a guy you really like, don't try too hard to please him. Don't say things that you think he will like, say things you want to say about yourself, and your interests. Also, don't sleep with him on the first, second, third date, fourth date. Only when you both have revealed your feelings for one another should you give that part of yourself. Let him grow some respect for you first. If he is interested in you, like I said before, he will show those feelings genuinely and talk to you about it. He will be all over you. You will feel loved and he will want to be with you all the time. Not just two days a week or one night here and there. He also will not break up with you to be with another woman. That shows that he is not truly invested. He's just got you there for booty, or simple conversation. Friends with benefits.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, when the right guy comes along, who is truly interested in you, and wants to be with you forever lets say...it comes naturally, and kind of maintains itself without having to try, especially when you first meet and in the honeymoon stages. Usually when two people come to love each other, it's something that's not forced. It just happens.
To maintain that love, is a bit trickier. Because you have to give and take even when you don't want to sometimes. You have to try in a relationship even in the rough patches. You have to want to work things out. It's not always going to be easy, or smell of roses. You also have to put aside everyone else's opinions sometimes, and really listen to what your partner is telling you. However, there are grey areas to that. But I won't get into it.
All in all, the honeymoon stage is easy, because you both are mostly fixated on the excitement of this new relationship. Once the dust settles and you are left with this Real person, who has wants and needs not the same as your own...you have to either accept that and compromise, or keep trying to find perfection. I personally do not think there is any perfect relationship, nor is there a perfect person out there. We have to learn to love a person even with their faults.