need some female insight, my wife stopped wearing her ring

Janner · 12-16-2009, 06:23 AM

My wife has been at her mothers for nearly a week now, I have seen her once. In short, I let her down this year with not being there for her to lean on and be strong and lead my family, and be the man she met and married. Things blew up when I over re-acted last Wed night at my daughter (thought she was being disrespectful but I think now it was me) and then a few minutes later lost my temper with my ex-wife and argued with my ex-wife and raised my voice and my daughter (17) and her daughter (11) had to witness the behavior. She has told me she has rented a house locally for 6 months, near her parents. She says I need to leave her alone for a few weeks, and I will do that - I am now reading THE LOVE DARE and the first chapter is PATIENCE. But, I am worried because she left her wedding rings at home in her bathroom in her ring dish. She says after a while she would like me to ask her on a date - but that was in our only meeting - 5 days ago - the day after she left. Why is she not wearing her ring?

CellarDoor · 12-16-2009, 07:08 AM

I think that, after the "blow up," she needed to get away from you physically and emotionally. For women, the wedding ring is a representation of our deepest emotion. She only took the ring off as a symbolic gesture that reflected her frustration and anger at the time. Once the ring was off, and not close by to put back on, she might have just enjoyed giving her finger a rest. But maybe, she just might not be ready to put it back on again until there is drastic change in her marriage.

DawnD · 12-16-2009, 07:16 AM

I agree with CellarDoor. I view my wedding ring as the symbol of our marriage. Its what reminds me of the vows we took, both of us and how much we love each other. She probably took it off because she is feeling hurt, maybe even a little betrayed.

It doesn't sound like she has ANY intention of going out and dating or anything, just that she needs to think through everything and decide whether or not she thinks you can be the man she married. Can you??

Janner · 12-16-2009, 07:26 AM

We talked last Friday and to make a long story short I told her I that I know lately I have not been acting like the man she met and married. I told her this year I have felt "off" somehow. Now that I type this I think its because my priorities where not right and that then meant my behavior was not right. Some how, for what ever reasons, I got off track this year, with being the man I am. I am the man she met and married, I just got a little lost for a while.

DawnD · 12-16-2009, 07:33 AM

It sounds like you are gonna have to do some serious soul searching, and if its possible I would ask an individual counselor to help if you need it. They can help you sort out your thoughts and help you find out why you act the way you do.

For me, I would have to see the progress. I would need to see how much you care and that you are taking steps to fix this. Is there any way you can do that? I know she doesn't want to see you for a few weeks, so nows the time to start making some change that she can see! And honestly, you will have to try and make sure she knows the change is permanent, not just until she comes back. That might be the hard part.

Janner · 12-16-2009, 01:52 PM

Its not so much soul-searching as it was getting my head in the right place. I have been doing that for several weeks, perhaps longer now. Actually things were going well before last Wed night and she commented so the week prior. Its just Wed night happened and everything took 14 steps backwards.

sienna · 12-16-2009, 05:30 PM

I can only imagine how hurtful it must be that she has taken her ring off, but if she is feeling hurt ir betrayed by you and from what it sounds needs her space, then taking the ring off could just be a symbol of that space she needs. I know that sometimes when my husband and I are fighting or even more so lately when things have gotten really bad, that my rings make me feel a little claustrophobic. Have you ever thought that maybe she took them off to have a shower or wash her hair and completely forgot to put them back on and now that she has moved out she cant? Or that she is actually doing it to hurt you a little because she feels that you hurt her.
I dont believe in the games, but sometimes its a reality check...
Dont be so hard on yourself either...you seem like a great guy that really loves your wife. You are entitled to feel off sometimes and cannot always be expected to bring your A game - and she also needs to support you through that. Im guessing that something happened in her life that she really needed you for and by not being there you have hurt her, but you need to know that you did the best you could at the time. That might not have been what was enough for her or what you would normally have been capable of but sometimes thats ok.
Spend some time on yourself, understanding why you felt like you did for the last 12 months, before you start trying to prove anything to her. Its only after you have done that, that you will be able to show her your love and feelings for her, and actually be able to act on them.
Good luck!

Atholk · 12-16-2009, 05:53 PM

Basically you react to your wife taking her wedding ring off the same way you react to a rattlesnake making that chikka-chikka-chikka-chikka noise...

...you stop whatever the hell it was you were doing and don't make any stupid moves.