What do you do when you dont agree?

bluebird · 03-28-2008, 03:50 PM

What do you do when you dont agree on serious issues... I am not talking about where to go for dinner or what restaurant to try

As my kids get older, this comes to mind more often...
My oldest is 14...4 yrs and he will be done with highschool. I would love for him to go to college(hes talked about it as well). My husband wants him to join the military SOLEY so he(my spouse)doesnt have to pay for it.(I am biased on this as my parents paid for all my college for me).. I understand that we may not have money for this. I try to lay out a plan for my son, that their are different options. I am all for the military if its what MY SON WANTS....but not because of a money thing...My spouse tells me I am living in a dreamworld because of this.. I think this is a major disagreement, that neither one of us will budge on...

retirement is another big one we dont agree on.

not saving enough money, and what we spend it on.. 14 yrs ago he got 10,000 from his mothers life insurance policy. I told him we should take at leat 5,000 and invest it(I will admit I know nothing about investing, but I was willing to learn). At that time we had no kids, and a very small mortgage payment.He used 95% of that money on a jeep he was building...

What do you do when you and your partner dont agree on major issues,and nobody is going to back down????

Amplexor · 03-28-2008, 04:50 PM

Great question, tough to answer. The most obvious answer would be to negotiate. Have you discussed your son going to college through an ROTC program. That will help tremendously with the cost. I disagree with your husband totally. The choice to go into the military is solely up to the boy and in a time of war and the risk to his life even more so. I feel your husband is being quite selfish in this decision. Putting your kids through college should be looked at with pride and an opportunity to help them in obtaining a better life. An investment in your children, not a cost to yourself. Have you looked at a state college savings plan (529). Here’s a link.

CSPN Homepage

These are designed to be tax deferred and you can put as little as $50 per month in them. You are just four years away so you might want to start planning. Money is one of the most common arguments for a couple these days. Along with sex and how to raise the kids. Back to your original question, as in most situations, communication is the best answer. Do some research as to what college is going to cost. Look into the ROTC and college funds and try to lay out a plan for your son. Have your ducks in a row and meet with your husband to present a logical argument for him going to college. Have a solid strategy in mind and present it calmly. Good luck with this, I know where you are coming from. Our oldest son is leaving for his freshman year in August.

bluebird · 03-29-2008, 10:29 AM

Thank you so much for responding to my post. As my son will be entering Highschool this fall, I know how fast the yrs can go...So college is on my mind a lot...My son is a smart boy. When we have alone time, we talk about college and options out there..Right now he is in the boyscouts. I encourage him to make it to Eagle scout as I know some colleges give scholarships for that. To know my son, he is so NOT the military type person.Again though, that is his decision. I am going to look into some of those college plans and do research. I want to offer my son every opportunity available..

The biggest problem, my husband and myself were raised differently. My parents put me and my 2 older brothers through college.My husbands family did not. He moved out on his own and went to college part time and worked. His grades suffered, and he wasnt make enough money to pay rent and college. So my husband joined the military to pay for his own college. He thinks because that is what he did, that is what my son should do. I often wonder if his parents paid for his college, would he feel different about it....

There are certain things I got to experience growing up that I want my son too. For example, I want him to get his drivers license at 16 like I did. My husband does not, WHY? Because he doesnt want to have to add them to the car insurance policy

Again, more money out of my husbands pocket. I tell my son, my parents allowed me to drive and get my license. Although I didnt have a job, just babysitting jobs. I would give them $20a month for insurance. I am sure it was much more then that, but that is what we agreed on..

I know my sons childhood cant be the same as mine was..BUT.. I feel as a parent I want to give him every opportunity to do normal things, and not be pushed into the military because of his father not wanting to pay for that...

To me these are big issues, that me and my husband wont bend on. Of course, my son is in the middle of it..I hate the look my son gets on his face when his father tells him to join the military and get a free college education, because that is what he did..etc...

Immortalone · 03-29-2008, 05:15 PM

Well if your son is in the middle then why not bring him to the front of all this. Sit down with his counclers at school. Come up with a plan for college. What he wants to go into, what grants he can get, what student loans he might get. Round up all the information you can then have your son start the conversation with Dad. Let him explain to him how he feels about the military and that he has looked at all his options. I know myself as a father I would be proud that my son was acting grown up and did some research. I would be more then glad to listen to him.